What not to do when you’re trying to portray yourself as a “good mom”

I had one of ‘those days’ this week!

 

If you’re trying to portray yourself as a “good mom”, be aware that the following things are simply not acceptable.

1. Do not procrastinate in getting to bed and in the mean time forget to make bottles or lunches for the next day for school
2. Do not forget to lay out clothes for any of the children or leave one shoe for each child in a different room of the house.  After all, tomorrow you won’t be able to find… half of them
3. Do not go to bed late for absolutely no reason except that you didn’t go to bed… after all, you didn’t get anything done either.
4. Do not reset your alarm for 10 minutes later and hope that difference will make you more human and ready for the day because all it will do is make you late.
5. Do not procrastinate in getting anything going the next morning then rush your children to get them out the door.
6. Do not plan to leave 10 minutes before your husband and son because this will make them late too while they’re helping you get out the door at the last minute.
7. Do not leave 20 minutes later than planned to get to a doctor’s appointment an hour away.
8. Do not forget to get directions until midnight the night before and google the doctor’s name to get a map.  It will be their old address.
9. Do not forget to bring the doctor’s phone number with you when you go for the appointment because then you won’t be able to call them to find their real location.
10. Do not call your father at work and ask him to google the doctor for you to find their phone number after arriving at your “destination” 10 minutes after the appointment time… then to realize all that googling you did at midnight was in vein.
11. Do not give your father the wrong spelling of the doctor’s name so that he has to spend 10 minutes just finding a phone number and address.
12. Do not then ignore that your father has things to tell you and rush off the phone to call the doctor’s office… after all, the doctor doesn’t know nor care that you’re late because they’re running even later.
13. Do not show up 20 minutes late to your appointment and park your wheelchair in the doorway and only walkway into the waiting room because then you’ll get dirty looks and glares from each person needing to walk by—regardless of whether that’s the only place to sit with your squirmy 2 year old and the wheelchair.
14. Do not say to the receptionist “you should file with our secondary” when she tells you that your copay from 6 months ago is still due for just one of your two children (who were seen together and have the same coverage) and refuse to pay the balance.  After all, that will just get a phone call to your secondary that might decline your visit THAT day.
15. Do not say “I’ll pay it if that’s what I have to be seen today” to a secretary because they may take it as a threat.
16. Do not allow your child to stick their fingers on their bottom teeth and repeatedly pull their jaw open and shut while making car noises in the waiting room.  Others will glare.  And for SURE do not begin making these noises yourself to ‘teach’ your 2 year old how to make the noises like his big sister.
17. Do not go to the ophthalmologist with your children wearing dirty glasses.  Doesn’t matter if you cleaned them before putting them on them in the parking lot as well as before being seen and after the preliminary exam.  Boogery spit on glasses is hard to see through.
18. Do not say “yes” when asked about any change in medical history in the past 6 months because then they will want to know everything that’s changed for both kids in 6 months and this will lengthen the visit by a good 30 minutes to go over.
19. Do not say “open heart surgery” without blinking because you will be seen as an unfeeling person with no compassion for glancing over it without any “big deal” (um…..? yeah, I don’t get it either, but seriously, just don’t do it!)
20. Do not help your child walk around the (now near  empty) waiting room while listening to the very very very talkative 3 year old also waiting room because her parents may think that Down syndrome is contagious. 
21. On that note, do NOT let your child suck on their hand then touch the other child that is hovering over them.  Who knows what might happen if they do that!   And especially do not let this happen repeatedly as the child returns over and over again.
22. Do not expect that anyone will help you either, because that’s a mistake, even if you do have 55 pounds worth of dead weight between your two children and you’re trying to trade off who is sitting in the wheelchair so that you can get the other child’s eye exam done.
23. Do not smile to the receptionist when you leave after refusing to pay the copay (yes, that one that should be billed to your secondary and was even called and confirmed during this appointment…).  They might snarl in return and not even say goodbye.
24. Do not expect to find a doorstopper or get help with the door on the way out.  You can handle it, after all, if you handled 55 pounds of baby just a few minutes ago.
25. And finally, do not, Absolutely do NOT get into the car and take both the kids’ glasses off because you KNOW you were just told to keep them on all the time.  So what if they cost $250 each and your child will chew on them in the car?

PS.  Do not let the rest of the day continue this way because it’s still only 11am!

Ever had a day like that??  If so, hop on over to Bouf Mom’s blog.  She posted her post a week or so ago but just this Tuesday was definitely my day to share… my day where if you’re trying to look like a good mom, here’s what NOT to do!!