Saturday, November 15, 2014

Where we've been

I tend to find time and then... just not... as it comes to blogging.  In the most recent past there's been much more "not" than there has been "time."

We moved, we settled in, we're doing school, we've had 30 doctor's appointments and 42 therapies in the last 6 weeks, we've attended Sundays and Wednesdays at our new church, we've bought jackets and pulled out long pants, bought boots for church, and figured out how to get everyone to the car in 40 degree weather.  I'm sure our northern friends are laughing at the talk of 'cold' weather in the south, but in Florida we'd see 40 degrees in January-February for a day or three at a time, and that was that.  "Down" here in north GA we're sitting in the 40's for a few days this week and I think we'll be seeing more 40's than not in the coming months.  It's a total lifestyle change for us, to have to deal with JACKETS!

Anyway, we've been living life fully, and by that I mean from 6am to 11pm ;)  And everyone has been relatively healthy with just colds going through here and there.  We are BLESSED and thankful to have our family together again!  We've just now made it to the point where we've been back together longer than we were separated over the summer, and I think we just got over the point of trying to get our bearings straight and re group on the whole "parenting togehter" thing. :)

Michael is enjoying his job, I'm enjoying mine, and the kids are somewhat enjoying theirs :D  Of course theirs involve learning and school and obeying, and new routines and new doctors... so maybe "enjoying" is a little stretch some of the time... but everyone is generally happy anyway ;)

That's all for now... If you'd like to see our family in action, whether or not you have a FaceBook account, you should be able to view our public page at www.facebook.com/thecornishfamily  

Wednesday, September 03, 2014

What's in those Work Boxes? 8 types of activities to fill the drawers and the day.

I blogged our 5 things that keep me sane recently and had a lot of people raise the question-- what's in the work boxes, and what do you use to teach the kids during the day?  Here's post #1 with a really basic overview.  Of course, some time on Pinterest would likely yield you more results in one tap than this will, because we've purchased materials over the last 5 years of having preschoolers (and buying educational items for birthdays, Christmas, and from relatives for those also!) so our cabinets are well stocked with educational supplies that were purchased.  Many of these things can be replicated from home to do the same function!

Here it is... what's inside... what the kids are working on!

What it looks like:




I won't even pretend that it looks that amazingly organized all the time.  But in general, I have drawers for 'flat' activities, I have bins galore that stay in their bins, and I have magazine organizers and small plastic document bins for other projects when I run out of drawers! :)

1. Workbooks, copy sheets, and dry erase pages...


Right now, Brianna is working on Spectrum 1st grade math and we're starting off with review of Kindergarten Hooked on Phonics, and her books are all in dry erase pages, then in a binder and dropped in one of the BIGGER drawers which will hold the binder at a bit of an angle.  She's also working on writing her name, which as you can see, my erasing is starting to take the permanent marker off with it! She's also working through a basic printing handwriting book, which I've set up for her to write in since it's easy enough to replace for $1. :)


Lynae is working through A Beka Kindergarten, so many of her drawers have numbers, letters, Bible, Science, Think and Learn, and printing practice from that curriculum.  I have her "monster page corners" on books so she can find where to start each day without flipping through the book for a long time.  These are just a folded strip of paper with eyes and teeth added that she and I made together.  They have helped her a lot with independence and she thinks it's great to have them!


2. Bible Verse activities:

The girls are both in AWANA at church, and this is our first experience with that.  Each week they have a phrase they are supposed to learn such as "S is for Savior" along with a scripture memory verse.  I took each of these and printed them on a sheet of paper, then also blew them up and cut them in strips so the girls are physically working on putting them in order, while we are working on learning the verses.  To keep me organized, the date of each memory verse is written in the corner of the page as well as on the back of each strip.

3. Fun activities for ALL the kids:

I put Snacks in one bin, the computers have 'tags' on them for time on there, the art easel also has a scheduled time, and so does the board book area.  We also try to get everyone outside (barefoot and all!) at some point in the day.  Sometimes these activities can hold a more structured 'value' (such as painting or making a specific project at the easel, or having an organized outdoor activity or educational computer game) but for right now I'm using those as reward time since I'm not that organized yet this year! :) 

4. The "preschool play time" that every kid needs:

There are times when we treat our children what their ages say they are, and there are times where their developmental levels are really more important.  Socially acceptable but developmentally appropriate is a hard thing to figure out.  Well, my kids from 2-almost 12 enjoy these same activities if they're working on a toddler/preschool developmental level, and social appropriateness goes out the window when we're working on 'skills' ... including HOW TO PLAY, which is an underdeveloped skill in many kids from orphanages, such as 3 of mine!


In the 'grouped' picture is a mailbox with letters and a package, Noah's ark and animals,  a cash register that names off numbers and has some sounds, a handful of Ninja Turtles, and a Fisher Price Farm.  The next picture is a Fisher Price doll house with all the farm animals arranged however Lynae saw fit this afternoon, and then a coin sorting cash register with coins that fit in SIDEWAYS (flat), which is a different skill than most coin tasks.

We throw in baby dolls and strollers, magna doodles, and other 'fun' items that hold little educational value other than teaching while they play, (some of these are pictured later).  Bead mazes are a favorite of a couple of my children, so we incorporate those too!

5. Manipulatives with a mission:

These items are fun but serve a purpose.  Puzzles are good matching and fine motor as well as spatial awareness.  Counting bears can be sorted by color, these have 3 sizes so can be sorted by size, and can be used as manipulatives for math problems as well.  Blocks are great for stacking, but also for lining up, for completing visual puzzles of "create this shape" (trace around a group of blocks to make a picture on a piece of paper that the child has to replicate).  These bean bags each have either a letter on them or are cut to a specific shape, and they can be used for teaching those specifics, for identifying colors, or for several gross motor tasks like throwing them to a target, standing on one leg or an uneven surface, etc, and bending and standing back up to pick them up.  The "pie" is filled with fruits which can be picked up with the included 'tongs', or can be sorted by color or by type (there are two type of fruits per color!). Lacing beads, colored blocks, and counting bears can all be used to replicate patterns shown on a piece of paper.  Lacing beads are also a great OT activity in general, both the large ones (pictured below) and small ones.  Smaller ones often have letters on them and can be used for spelling words or Bible verse memory as well.  Use your imagination... MANY things can be used as manipulatives that double for learning!  Snap beads (pictured later) for making jewelry are a great play-and-learn skill for OT!

6. Learning toys with specific purposes:

Seen above in the item with lots of baggies is a tin of muffins which are a shape sorter, the icing and bottom separate and each muffin has a different shape.  The shape is also in the bottom of the muffin tin, so it is a two-fold activity.  There is also a 'balance scale' and this is great for use with blocks, weights, beads, etc to figure out how many make it balance and understanding the concept of weight as a measurement versus size alone.  Also pictured above in the top bin over the blocks is a bin of cans, which each contain a different number of a fruit or vegetable.  It replicates 'canned' foods, but is used for sorting, counting, and learning what each item is.  Lastly, pictured above with the puzzles is a set of 'crayon shaped' containers which contain a variety of items that are all different sizes and are all different shades of the color that crayon is representing.  This teaches color recognition, but also teaches diversity within the shades of the color spectrum. 

Now for some other things... Another 'cans' game, because Brianna LOVES the sorting cans above, this one has the entire alphabet and includes heavy cardboard cutouts of items starting with that letter.  On the back of the cards are the word (which helps me cheat!).   Also below are flash cards galore, which we use sparingly, but mostly to test knowledge rather than to teach.  Vocabulary photo cards are a little different, though, and we do use those to teach and build up a vocabulary with things that establishes words some of our kids haven't heard, especially those who missed out on the first 5-8 years of learning time.   In the bins below, the top is manipulatives and fine motor task items, but the bottom are puzzle cards for spelling words, doing math problems, etc.  The child puts the puzzle together to solve the 'things that go together' or to write a word (each letter of a 3-5 letter word is a puzzle piece. 


7. Artsy, Craftsy, easy stuff:

I may take a peek on Pinterest every 4 months or so, but I'm seriously not a Pinterest follower.  So, our arts and crafts go along with our projects, and we do a lot of crayons, color wonder markers, stencils, and, the bin in the photo below with plastic baggies in it?  Those are a bunch of pre-made Oriental Trading activities to do with the letters of the alphabet (and around them is the rest of the Hooked on Phonics curriculum).  We also have the art easel for drawing/tracing and coloring, and I have great plans of getting the kids painting (we picked up paint brushes and no spill containers for a certain boy's 8th birthday coming up...!)  

8. The digital age:

We have a Plex server set up at our house which runs off of one of the kids' computers.  It has a category called 'educational videos'.  It is the warehouse for all of our DVD's so that they don't have to be ruined by tiny fingers... but more specifically, it has the entire collection of Magic School Bus shows, Signing Time series 1 and 2, and many Leap Frog and other such videos which teach through video.  We've found some for math, reading, and even teaching about the weather.

We also have 2 iPads which the kids can use (with major military grade cases on them!) and through the Guided Access function, we can lock the iPads in to an activity and they cannot unlock it.  There are several apps like "Special words" created for children with special needs, or ABCMouse.com (called Learning Academy on the iPad, I believe), which are great for the kids to 'lock in on' and enjoy some digital time without the 'easy access' of the computer which, at any time, may just HAPPEN to click over to MineCraft rather than my chosen activity for them!

Michael took some old cassette tapes with stories on them and made them into MP3's which the kids can access along with the digital versions of the books right on the ipad.  Don't ask me how he did it... he just did. I believe they are in the educational section of the Plex server as well!

There's also Starfall.com and PBSKids.com which provide FREE educational games and activities which are a nice down time activity or something you can really look in to and schedule in to match up with whatever you're teaching.  It's great for seasonal learning, too. :)

More and more...:

Of course there's more we do and specific different activities we have done or will do again in the future, tongs and ice cube trays and erasers and gooey lizards fill some of those bins, but to be specific would take way more time than I have right now, so... there's the basics of what we work with! :)  What do you use to create environments for learning with your kids?

Tuesday, September 02, 2014

Five helps for keeping my sanity while homeschooling 9 kids developmentally under 7 (and a 5th grader!)


Say WHAT?

I'm often asked how we are able to make it work to homeschool our ten children (9 of ours and a child we are providing respite for).  Seven of the kids have special needs and 6 of those kids are under 4 developmentally so it becomes our very own preschool class with 7 kids, plus kindergarten/1st grade with another 2, and then there's my 10 yr old son who is on 5th/6th grade curriculum.  Quite the spread!

Here's five little things that make it work!  But first, let me dispel any thoughts of super-hero qualities which allow me to do something that you (as a homeschooling parent) feel is impossible to accomplish in a day.  Let me assure you first that WE DO NOT HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER ALL THE TIME!!!  And second, that YOU CAN DO IT WITH YOUR FAMILY TOO!  Sure, some of the time we have it all together.  And sometimes we really don't.  Sometimes everyone does a full day of "school".  Sometimes my 'academic' kids get all their school in and the others get a whole lot of educational TV.  Or coloring and floor play.  Or we have activities that take us out of the house and we call it a field trip and learn in different ways than what we can learn within the walls of our home.  

Regardless, here they are... the top 5 things that help homeschooling go smoothly for us:

1. "That's MY DOT" 



The kids each have a 'family color' and we found these fun shapes which have 6 each of the 10 family colors... so we bought two sets and those whose colors aren't included know they have to adjust and whatever other one we assign to them instead will be theirs.  Now you're thinking that this lets the kids know where to be.  Well, yes... sometimes it is for that reason, like when we're all sitting in a group and I want the kids spread out or not next to a particular child, etc.


But truthfully.... I often use them during the day so *I* know what activity I last sat a child at, and when I find that they've taken off and are in a different room, I know where they were supposed to be!! :) See... we don't always have it together. :)

The kids tend to use them creatively as well, for instance when I'm not using them, or not all of them... then they may be turned into a piece of the kids' work...



2.  Make a schedule, and be ok changing it


These are our daily homeschool sheets.  Each number gets an activity assigned-- for ME to know what they're supposed to be doing. I use one of the cards on the left and stick it on the velcro dot on this page, and that is their assigned character for the day.  Then the cards get placed on other activities, following that schedule, so the kids can work semi-independently through their day.  There are soft velcro dots on things all over my house for these cards to go on!

 



You'll notice there's only two characters in all of these pictures, and that's because at the moment I'm only using the characters for Lynae and Brianna.  They are the two working through work books and boxes at their own paces.  I also choose to use ONE child's schedule to designate some 'family activities'.  So whenever Brianna's said snack today, I brought all the kids together for snack.  I just write 'all' to the side of her assignment sheet.  I did the same for play dough time.  I also skipped snack initially, because Brianna worked through her boxes pretty quickly this morning and I just wasn't ready!  We put it 2 numbers later, and it didn't disrupt anything.  She worked through a couple more assignments and then we had snack.  I do NOT assign times to activities, though I do assign LENGTHS to some (like stencils, computer time, outside play, art easel, and books).  I also assign time frames to each subject for Kristopher, and he moves to the next subject at that time.  Timers are AWESOME for him, and for us all! 

3. Trays give work space boundaries

These are simple restaurant trays from a fast food restaurant that are slightly larger than a sheet of paper.  They keep crayons close by (and not rolling off the table!) and they give the kids a work space that is defined, and keeps everything together, like blocks and other project pieces.

4. Dry erase workbooks= being able to use a workbook page 10,000 times without having anything to throw away

Sure, you can scan workbooks, photocopy and use copies, etc.  But this is a simple way to be able to use it over and over again! 
Not only that, but I've taken the work books apart and put 8 different workbooks that all teach colors, shapes, numbers, addition, etc with slightly different ways... and I put ALL the shapes, ALL the addition, ALL the coins, etc... into each section.  That way I'm not hunting through workbooks to get a different way to teach an activity either, and instead I can choose 3 math pages from the addition section, or 2 workbook pages on shapes.  When she's done with a page, she shows it to me then we erase and go on!  Many of my little ones need quite a bit of repetition to 'get' a concept, and refreshers to remember how to do it.  Plus, like the picture above, it's great for a little work that is independent and successful when getting ready to begin a new subject that will challenge them. :)


5. School isn't all about academics

School time, as you can see from the pictures above, can be a combination of all sorts of things!  We work on colors and sorting and shapes and numbers, and fine motor and gross motor and... and ... and...  Computer time and art time are built into the day, and of course time to play outside! Snack, and lunch, and we have a built in time of day when we have 'quiet time'.  That means each of the kids either finds a quiet activity to do on their own (or finishes their school work...) or they sit quietly in the family room where we put on a movie and turn the lights down.  The two littlest take naps in their beds during this time.  Below are some of the 'organization' that we have, so the toys on and under the table can be used for play time and school, and the activities in the (locked) cabinets can be taken out individually for specific activities.  


Care to share?

What are your helps that get you through your homeschooling days with a tad bit of sanity intact? I'd love to glean from your tips too!

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Our big news...



We are moving! 

It seems like we've been put through the fire the last two weeks, but I suppose James just wanted to make sure to interview all levels of hospital care before we relocate our entire family to Athens for the IT position that Michael has accepted at Price Avenue Christian School in Athens, GA! 

Yes, the hospital systems passed the test, though none of us would mind if we didn't have to experience all the levels of healthcare that we have in the last 2 weeks... ever again. :) (2 hospital ER's, ambulance transport, the PICU, and the general pediatrics floor at the children's hospital).

Michael will start on June 9th and the rest of us will follow as soon as is feasibly possible. We'll be readying our house for sale and preparing to move there in the next couple of months. This position is one that God led us to several months ago, though the final interview and start date has come upon us very quickly! 

We love the area, the school and church, and we're still close enough to family in Titusville that we can continue to have those strong relationships as well. The peace we had throughout James' hospitalization and the support we received in Athens was confirmation of God's provision for us even without the long-term resources and people we have had with us in FL. 

Your prayers are greatly appreciated as our family makes this BIG transition!

Monday, April 14, 2014

BROKENNESS


Definition: In the positive spiritual sense, brokenness is the condition of being completely subdued and humbled before the Lord, and as a result, completely yielded to and dependent upon Him also.

When you don't feel like God is near, you don't feel like He hears you or cares about you, when you feel like your world is falling apart and like the God so many profess and love has meant nothing to you. When you cannot describe the hurt and pain in your life and feel that no one else can possibly understand. When you question the decisions of today, tomorrow, and a thousand yesterdays. When you want to yell and scream at the God of the Universe but then you wonder why you would waste your energy because it doesn't feel like He's really there anyway. When you question the very existence of God because He's never meant anything to you personally, but you can't bear to say it out loud because you were raised in the idea of Christian beliefs as a societal rule even though it was filled with hypocrisy and idle faith. When God feels like someone else's fairy tale and a mind game that successful people throw around. When you feel bitterness toward those that experience success and feel anger at your own defeat. When you can only find your worth in other people's success (for instance, your children), or when your worth comes from something physical (a bottle, a needle, or even just chocolate and french fries...). When your friends cannot understand your lack of interest in their God and you cannot bear to tell them that you're not interested because you NEED their love and support. Or when they scoff at the idea of God and run their lives their own way. When life falls apart. When you have nothing left to give. When you ache for normal, peace, and for the "good old days" again...

There... at the bottom, without hope, there truly is ONE who wants to help you. Wants to heal your heart. Wants to lead you toward happiness. Wants to give you worth. Wants to help you see past the dirty of today into the tomorrow. He doesn't take away our consequences for life's choices, but He listens. He doesn't reject you, and He doesn't backlash if we reject Him. He does require that we accept His gifts for ourselves, though, because we cannot ride on the shirttails of our ancestors to say we are Christians. We have to see past our grandfather's faith and lay our own lives down.

"I have nothing left, and I don't feel like you have ever cared" Cry it out to Him.

"I want to make things right in my life, and I know I need help to do that!" He really does hear your pleas.

"I need to see a brighter tomorrow. I need Hope back, I need Joy back." He can give those things, but you do have to ask for them.

"I want to have you as a part of my future. I want to hear you, to feel you, to know you are really there, because right now, I don't." He's ok with your real feelings, you don't have to pretend.

Even this... "I don't like you, I don't know if I want you. But I need to tell you that!!"

BROKENNESS... Laying your life out, prostrate without barriers before the Lord because your heart is so overwhelmingly burdened for something that words don't come and only the utterances of your heart can form prayers.

Cry out to Him. Find an empty room, park your car where you can be alone. Let yourself be vulnerable before God. Tell him how you feel! And wait. And listen. And feel.

Yesterday was Palm Sunday, the day we mark as a celebration of Jesus' arrival in Jerusalem. Where the week began with great celebration and ended with Jesus' crucifixion and death. But the new week began again after the time of darkness, despair, and agony. Literal DEATH through the most torturous means available. Having thorns pierced through his head, and hanging by nails in his hands and feet. Not because he was a robber or a rapist or a murderer or anything else. Because on the cross he took the sins that you and I have committed, all the sins from the beginning to the end, and He bore them on the cross. His heart broke in the physical sign of stresses, he sweat blood. And he still showed mercy to the man on the cross beside him even in his final hours.

There is forgiveness. There is mercy. There is a REAL God, a real Jesus Christ, His son. And He wants to be a part of your story. A part of your healing. A part of your life past your grandmother's faith. He wants to be real to you.

Find your place, let your emotions out, be angry, be sad, be whatever you need to be... be yourself. God is big enough to hear it all. To bear it all. And He already did, on that cross.

The story doesn't end with the cross, though. It ends with the resurrection, where God came to earth and showed us all that He has overcome the grave, given forgiveness beyond what man alone can do in his own heart. That through Jesus Christ we can know and have direct access to God the Father. That our sins weren't forgiven here on earth alone, but in Heaven, and that He wants to have a relationship with us, and to give us the genuine gift of eternal life.

It's not a fairy tale of your friend's successes, but a true faith with a living God.

Find him. Search Him out. Be real with Him. Then if you will, come, tell me about it so I can celebrate with you and pray for you on your continued walk toward Him. It doesn't mean everything bad goes away, but it means you have the Hope, the Joy, the One who never leaves you by your side to face the hard times in life.

This Easter season, look for Jesus. He's waiting to hear from you...

Monday, January 13, 2014

17 Nosy Questions about special needs adoption- ANSWERED

You know the questions that people WANT to ask, but they’re not sure how to ask them in a way that doesn’t come across as nosy, insulting, or otherwise inappropriate?  Close friends can discuss it, and others that have walked in similar shoes have experienced similar and will share their own responses as well, but for you or I to just walk up to someone and ask what we REALLY want to know, well, it just wouldn’t be appropriate.  

There is a difference between something that someone NEEDS to know and something they simply desire to.  Curiosity.  Many times we’ll be told not to answer questions of curiosity because it’s really not necessary.  I think differently, and so do several influential historical people:


“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.”


“Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we're curious...and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”


“I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift would be curiosity.”


And so, even when there may be a bit of discomfort in the actual conversation that surrounds these questions, I feel like putting it out there is a way to help others to see what adoption and special needs parenting is really all about.  There are questions that are intended to be nosy or rude. These aren’t those.  These are the questions that are meant to understand, to inspire.

These are the responses to those hard questions from 13 moms of multiple children with special needs...



1. Did you fall in love at first sight, or does it take a while to have it feel like the child is really “yours?”


Amy: Sometimes, but "knowing" a child was mine and "feeling" it are different. Sometimes the bonding was quick, usually it took time to fully feel that true mom/child connection.


Jaclyn:  I have fallen in love with many orphans and still love them, but the feeling when I saw my sons was so overwhelming it brought me to tears. The feeling was soooo strong that I could not deny that God was calling me to GO!


Meredith: I think the idea of love came quickly, but the ‘love’ I had for each child initially and the LOVE I had for them a year-18 months home was amazingly different.  Initially I cared for and about them, but once that true bonding occurred between the two of us, it was a deep and indescribable love that you know with very few people in a lifetime.


Sara 1: When I first saw her photo, it was like love at first sight. I felt like I knew her, as if there was some sort of connection all ready. Seeing her for the first time in person I still felt that connection, pull and love towards her, but it was mixed with fear as she was more "feral" than we had expected.
Sara 2: Yes, as soon as she was placed in my arms I was in love with her. It was as if she was born to me.


Alysha: Yes...first sight of their picture where the idea of who they are is different then who they really are. Seeing them for the first time in real life was surreal and one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Both times my heart felt exactly like it did when I first saw my bio kids...it just knew they were mine. No matter how hard it might be at times, they are mine and my heart knows it.


J:  Love at first sight with the first 3 who were all toddler age, not as much with our older two, still excitement but not the motherly, protective feeling right away.



2.  How did your biological kids really react to having a new child in the house?


Amy: We started our family by adoption, then biological kids, then adoption, so.....


Jaclyn: There was definitely a honeymoon period. At first, the boys could do no wrong, but now they treat them about like they treat each other.


Meredith: It depends on the child.  Our kids already in the home LOVED our first two adopted children.  Both were much like infants.  The third child that entered was with just as much enthusiasm as he was like an older infant/young toddler.  The fourth and fifth came home together and one was readily accepted, but the other was walking, in to the other kids’ things, and quite honestly wasn’t very nice.  Other kids in our home have said they didn’t like her at times, and I can’t blame them.  I didn’t like her at times either.  But love?  Love is different, and there is definitely love between every set of sibling.  Not a single child would wish they didn’t have a single sibling.  


Sara 1:  My then 4 yr old traveled with us and knew for many months that we were working towards bringing her sister home. She was very excited.


Sara 2:  Very excited to have a baby in the house.
Lorraine: Our biological kids have welcomed each and every new sibling with open hearts and open arms. We've always included our children in the prayer process when God call us to adopt another child, and God has never led us to adopt a child without already turning our children's hearts toward that child. Once the new child is in our home/family, it's no different than when a new biological sibling is born. There's the usual transitions and adjustments all families have when a new member is added, but nothing God can't handle. Everyone learns together how to adjust to the new normal.


Shelley: My bio kids don't remember what it is like for a child to enter the family in the "traditional" way (ie: mommy pregnant/new baby being born). So, for them, children joining our family through adoption is the "normal" way. They were always accepting of the new kids.



3.  You adopted out of birth order- did the kids already in your house feel displaced?


Amy: we adopted out of order, but added in the middle so it worked out fine. Might be different if the new child became the oldest.


Jaclyn: Our boys became #3 and #4 of 5. Amusingly, our youngest is the only one who feels "displaced" because even though the boys are 2 years older than her they are both smaller.


Sara 1: No she did not feel displaced, likely due to the fact that developmentally she was still much older though.


Meredith: We chose to let our oldest/firstborn always stay the oldest, but even that looked different than we anticipated.  He is developmentally the oldest, and physically the biggest, but by age he is 16 months younger than one sister and 12 months younger than another.  Since they were not encroaching on his “man of the house” status (under Daddy, of course), he never has minded their chronological age being older than him.  Our other kids came in the middle, within 7-8 months of another bio child of ours, and she loves the close siblings.  Again, she is older than both of them.  


Lorraine: Our adoptions have been all over the place, and most definitely out of birth order. Our first adoption was of an 11-year-old girl. Our bio kids were ages 9, 11, and 13 when our 11-year-old daughter joined our family. So, we entered adoption out of birth order. Then we adopted a 4-year-old, then a 22-month-old, then a 17-year-old (who became our oldest child), then a 5-year-old and her 7-week-old half sister, then two 6-year-olds. So, our oldest biological child is no longer the oldest child in our family, and some people feel that's a huge deal. But, our oldest child agreed and was willing to give up his position as the oldest because he had a tender heart for adoption and a true understanding of redemption through adoption. He knew this because he first experienced it for himself through his adoption and redemption by our Savior, and he also experienced the adoption and redemption of several other family members being adopted into our family from hard situations. Our other two biological children were not the oldest to begin with, so they were not at all concerned about adopting someone older than themselves. One of our adopted daughters is four months older than our biological daughter, and they're best friends. Sure, it was challenging at first, but I think most of those challenges would have occurred regardless of the age difference. God has worked out each and every detail, and, for us, personally, our children (bio and adopted), their hearts are much more concerned about helping others than protecting their position in the family birth order.


Shelley: No. We did respect the fact that our youngest enjoyed being the "baby" of the family. We only added a child IN birth order (ie: as the youngest) after our youngest bio child indicated that she wanted to be a big sister.



4. Were you ever afraid the child wouldn’t bond with you?


Amy: Yes! Our 2nd international adoption our son wanted nothing to do with me (as in screaming like he was being murdered if my husband left the room)! It took a year, but he loves me and visa versa. He is now my biggest mama's boy!


Jaclyn: Definitely!! Adam bonded very quickly. It is taking Matthias much longer since he cannot hear and speak.


Meredith: I wondered for the first year after our first adoption, but as the love story slowly unfolded, I learned that working to gain our first adopted daughter’s love and trust was very different than the ‘easy love’ with the boy we adopted at the same time.  Our third child had a ‘transferrable bond’ with a single caregiver since birth, and I never really was concerned with his bonding.  Our 4th and 5th children, one bonded quickly and easily, and our daughter, now 3 years home, continues to struggle with bonding.  We take it a day at a time and know that God is sovereign in this too!


Sara 1: Sometimes I would think about that as a possibility, but I had talked to a few people who had spent much time with her, so I didn't actually worry about it.


Sara 2: Yes, she had suffered many different care givers at the hospital over her first two months and displayed many classic signs of attachment disorders. She was in SO much distress all of the time, for a few weeks I wondered if she would ever relax into me and feel safe. Which she did after about a month and a half. She is FIRMLY bonded to us now.


Shelley: Not until it happened


Gillian: Yes, I was afraid that she wouldn't bond with me, and it has proven to be a challenge. But what has totally surprised me was my struggle with bonding with her. I assumed it would be her issue, but it turns out, it has been something both of us have had to work on together.



5. Do you expect your typical kids to care for your special needs children when you’re no longer able to?  


Boston:  No I don't expect it, though I believe they'd be willing. They are our children and we made this decision. All responsibility is ours.


Amy: No. However, THEY talk about caring for them when they are older.


Jaclyn: Definitely not, but I imagine they will want to.


Sara 1: No, I do not expect any of my typical children to take care of our disabled children when we are no longer here. I do however expect them to care about them, make sure that they are cared for, spend time with them etc, as they would of a typical sibling. I don't worry about this because they are very close and I can't see one abandoning the other.


Sara 2: No, I would not expect my other children to care for her if we were unable. Unfortunately it's not likely that it would ever be a consideration given her diagnosis and life expectancy.


Meredith: No, we don’t expect them to take care of our children with disabilities, however we do hope they will want to be involved in their lives and have an impact on the care that their siblings receive when we cannot provide that anymore.


Lorraine: We don't expect anything. We seek what God desires and trust in His sovereignty, believing He has a plan and it is good. Several of our children have expressed that they wouldn't have it any other way than to help care for their siblings who have special needs after we're no longer here to provide that care. The love runs DEEP. However, if our children live overseas or are in situation where they're unable to help care for their siblings who have special needs, or even if they choose not to for whatever reason, we have complete faith that God will provide that care through someone special. We don't feel like we have to figure this out before we say YES to adopting children when special needs. We trust God has a plan and it is good. He will provide the care each of our children needs, and, for us, it doesn't matter if the care is provided by a sibling or another person God places in the lives of our children who have special needs---we just trust He WILL provide. But it's heartwarming to see the depth of love God has woven into our children's hearts, connecting them as siblings who passionately love and protect one another. Our children all pitch in pretty much 24/7 on a daily basis, not because they have to, but because they want to.


Shelley: Absolutely not.


Alysha:  I've enjoyed listening to my girls go back and forth over who will have who live with them when they get older. Not even talking about it in a sense of my husband and I being gone. Just wanting to have their bro's with them . It blesses my heart. They already make plans over taking their bro's to the movies, Disneyland and so on. I know they don't really get the gist of maybe one day really having to "care" for them, but I know in my heart that they don't see their bro's as burdens the way the outside world does.