Monday, November 01, 2010

My Tuesday Post

It's 12:01am.  That's as good as it gets for a Tuesday post...

Want to hear the honest to goodness truth of my mind right now?  It's midnight and I can't check in online for my flight later today for some reason.  I have an extra bag (with donation things for CTR) to check and I want to pay for it and have it done with.  The baby has a cold and was just up coughing and 'hung out' with me until 11pm... and I wasn't ready to put her back to bed except that she was, of course, exceptionally tired.  I don't feel like leaving in the morning for an undesignated amount of time.  I'm not looking forward to traveling for 24 hours.  Did I mention that Mike's not traveling with me right away?  Even LESS looking forward to traveling on my own.  Through foreign airports.  Where they don't speak English and if they do, they don't care to speak it with me (at least that was our previous experience).

My baby girl spends every minute that she's awake with me.  I left her home with Michael on Monday morning to bring the kids to school and everyone asked if I felt like I was missing a limb.  ABSOLUTELY.  And now I'll have it gone the entire time I'm away.  James has just gotten to where every day after school he climbs into my lap and sits and snuggles with me for a good 30 minutes or so.  He smiles and plays and enjoys the time just hanging out for a bit.  Now I won't get my afternoon James snuggles for a while.  Kristopher reads to me every day and keeps me entertained by his innocent questions.  He's been asking some GREAT ones lately and we've had so many "big kid" talks.  I'm going to miss the car chats with Kristopher.  Brianna clings to me almost as tightly as Lynae.  She's always tired after school and once she gets over the grumpy attitude, she usually picks up where James leaves off and helps me with house chores (dishes, laundry, sweeping, cooking) once I get up and moving again.  I'm going to miss my little shadow.  Micah comes over every morning and gives me a big hug as I get him out of bed then stands and waits for me to get everyone else up.  He flashes me his million dollar smile and puts his arms up for more.  I'm going to miss his morning greetings.  Emma greets me with a wrap-around hug every afternoon after school and a huge smile.  She signs "I love you" and tells me she's going to listen every morning before school.  I'm going to miss my school greetings with Emma.

I know all the good stuff-- and that this is not permanent-- far outweighs the 'losses' for this time.  And in a few weeks we'll look back and say "WHEW, it's over!"  But right now if I wasn't sure that God was sending me to Ukraine for a genuine purpose of His... I'd be going back to bed and deciding that there's too much here to leave for me to be able to travel.

Why didn't I feel this way before the mission trip??  Because I knew exactly when I was coming home.  And now I have an open ended ticket and I've not got a travel companion.  Two things that give that security that I would love to have.

Holding tight to Jesus as we go this next step.  He never leaves us alone and is our ever present help in time of need.  Time to take one more step relying on Him to guide us every step of the way.

Ok, God... here we go...


  1. I am up really late, and decided to check your blog. It has to be so hard to leave your crew behind for a rollercoaster ride of a Ukraine adoption. I hope and pray it is as easy to complete as it has been to to arrange so far. I cannot believe you went alone, you are so much more brave than I am.

  2. Bless you and we are praying for you all. Trust and Obey that old song comes to mind x Jill

  3. You are an obedient soldier of God, willing to go forth for the children He called you to, even when doing so is scary. He is growing in you a confidence you're going to need down the road...5, 10, 15 years from now for even BIGGER things. Even BIGGER battles. These children he has called you to parent are just the seeds of a lifetime of work to come that really is only somewhat related to your family.

  4. prayers are with you Meredith. I hope this trip goes quickly for you and your family. Your kiddos are in good hands and God is there to protect all of you

  5. Praying for you. I can only imagine how hard it is to leave... by yourself.

    The outcome will be worth it though.
    which you already know.

    Looking forward to hearing all about your trip and meetings!

  6. Our omniscient God is your travel companion, and He knows when you are coming home.

    Praying for safe travels and looking forward to hearing about this experience!

  7. you said you dont have a travel companion....but in the very next breath you said it. you DO have a travel companion! You have your Lord with you always. wherever you go whatever you do. and I know I dont have to tell you that there are SO MANY people here who are thinking of you and praying for you every day. hugs. have a safe trip. it will all work out.

  8. God bless you honey. He will lift you up!

  9. Praying for you and your family. Praying you would see God meeting your every need. Praying for peace for all of your hearts while you are apart. Praying you would see God do amazing things!


  10. I will be keeping you in my prayers for a safe trip. I can't wait to see pictures with your new angels.

  11. God's peace and guidance before you. Saying "Yes" to God is the easy part, following through is the well, not so easy part. All your little huggers and snugglers will be patiently waiting for you and you will have one more in the mix. I left my four behind in April, while we went to get our newest addition. It was tough, but well worth it. Can't wait to follow your journey.