Sunday, March 13, 2011

Ok adoptive parents,

I need you to help me out here a bit. I'm working on a project but have only my own adoptions to pull from as far as experience to go from, well, that and about 175 other adoptions I helped with, but they're all from the same country so that doesn't give me that much variant anyway... Or maybe it does and my mind is just mushy :)

So, if you don't mind sharing, what were some of the spots in your adoption process that you felt like if someone who had been there before you could speak right to your heart in your home on the morning that you were going to experience it, it would have made that day or event or circumstance easier...

I realize that's sort of a weird question, so here's another way to look at it... What points did you f ind were overwhelming, which were joyful, which were difficult. If you were telling stories aboutd 10-15 days out of your adoption journey before having the child home, what things might you choose to tell about?

No, thats not exactly what I'm doing, but thats what I need to hear from you so I can do what I'm doing. C,ear as mud? Details when I'm done, but would love your input!


  1. I was terrified the day we were returned to Moscow to finalize everything and head for home. it was nothing like I'd imagined. The things that I expected to be problems never were. The things that I thought would never be an issue have always been the biggest surprises - from the start and now 2 1/2 years later!

  2. Since we adopted from Serbian foster care, our experience was a bit different. One thing I wish someone would have told me was to take a bunch of pics of the people in his foster home quickly. We only visited him for a few days before they had us take him and I was so overwhelmed with meeting him and getting to know him that I only took a few pics. I also wish I could have also realized that diagnoses are not always 100% correct. I let fear taint our first few days with him. I wish I would have had time to get to know his foster mom. I put up a post a couple weeks ago that tells what I wish I would/could have done.

  3. Wish I had known that it would be so difficult to seperate siblings. its a regional decision and could be different anywhere but if someone had said look it could be really hairy and add a alot of days in country and there is no way to know if it will go quick and easy or long and hairy and if they will approve of disapprove then we could have said ok lets weigh our options. instead we were left hoping and sure that they would do it when in fact they didnt want to do it and fought it the whole way to court and added 3 weeks to our time in country.

    In the OTHER EE country someone should have prepared us for court. the judge was belligerant we were told to lie in court(told on the ride to courthouse)and also someone should have known that the judge would say your wife HAS TO BE HERE there is no pass for pregnancy, the other judge doesnt know what she is talking about. this was NOT an RR adoption. and I would not at all recommend the agency we used for that one.

    this is tam, the comments wont let me post as my blogger account

  4. I wish I would have known how awkward it would feel to have my kids at first and that it was ok (even normal) to feel that way. You don't "instantly" become the parent of a child - especially a toddler or older child - and automatically feel like their parent, know how to relate to them, know their needs, fears, etc. It takes time and you feel really weird in the meantime. You have to step in and ACT like the parent and trust that FEELING like the parent will come later. Also, at least once (and generally more than once) during the first few weeks you will wonder what on earth you did and if you've made a huge mistake. That feeling will fade and it will be ok! :)

  5. on the day they called and told me that my daughter had been moved from the foster family she had been with since birth to an orphanage in Korea 3 months before we were to go get her. i was devastated, afraid she would feel lost in a sea of kids not understanding what just happened.
    also when we got the call that our josie was not doing well in africa and that she may not make it home =(