One of the things I hear a lot about our 4 kids with Down syndrome is that they all look like they "could be mine." (**they are!!**) But they mean it to say that they look like the kids could all be biologically related to one another-- all six of them. Of course, James has his own fun little features, and Brianna hers, Micah has his and Emma has her very own set. Yet there are some similarities of just luck of the draw (all of our family has blonde hair and blue eyes... so far) and others that the features of Down syndrome tend to make more prominent... like their almond shaped eyes, their cute shorter little arms or their noses that are just too sweet :).
Every once in a while I get asked, with a stare of disdain and a sure-as-anything rude comment in the making that's about to come out of their mouths... if ALL those kids are mine.
I decided that now maybe instead of saying "yes, they are." Or saying "they all are now..." (My usual and preferred response)... I might just start answering "Yes, but they all have different fathers." Do you think that would make them think about what a personal question they just asked (and stupid one, in my opinion, because who in their right mind would bring 6 kids to the grocery store on a Saturday if they weren't all theirs?? OH, right, that's us too when we do respite. Darn!) Really, it doesn't bother me that much, but I still think it would be interesting to see the heads spin if I answered their question with something so outlandish that they weren't expecting that they just don't know how to reply!
Ok, off soap box. But... really... it's kind of true. Between our 6 kids there's 4 different fathers. Three just happen to be adopted and that's WHY :).
They all have just ONE DADDY though :) And he's the best!
I love it! That's just the kind of response that such a rude question deserves. :)
ReplyDeletewell it WOULD be the truth right? people insist on asking me how many of mine are adopted. I just think really hard and say I forget which ones are.
ReplyDeleteThat's a perfect response! Love it!
ReplyDeleteI used to work at a daycare that was located in a shopping plaza. It made for nice walks with the babies. We had a giant 6 baby stroller. I would get looks and lots of comments. I got someone who drove by and said bet you won't do that again. Mind you I had multiple races of children in the stroller. It was crazy yes, I have 6 children all within 2 months of each other and none of them look a like. Since they were under a year I am not sure that is even possible with adoption. I say make heads turn.
ReplyDeleteYes I like that response. The look on their face would make it worth it.
ReplyDeleteI really like your answer that they're all yours now. Such a beautiful answer.
ReplyDeleteThat is so funny! People sometimes say to me that my daughters must look like their daddy. They are trying to find out if I am married to an Asian or if my girls are adopted. I would love to answer just for fun. I don't know I didn't see his face.
ReplyDeleteI will admit not not always being a patient person. When I had 4 boys under the age of 5 (a blended family, who all happened to look a like, and two of the boys were only 3 months apart.) I got that question all the time. Some days I handled it with grace and humor, and other days not so much. I just got impatient with people who felt they had a right to ask rude, personal questions. Sometimes, when asked, "Are they all yours?" I would answer, "Why do you need to know?" Answering a question with a question makes people realize they have no business asking the question. Sometimes I answered with, "I don't usually discuss our family story with strangers." Which also reminded them that HELLO, I don't KNOW you! I always answered in a very polite tone of voice, but my words, and my eye contact were direct. I'm not very patient with rude people, and as long as people allow them to continue to be rude, well...they will continue to be rude.
ReplyDeleteI'm a single adoptive parent of two from Guatemala and I have given that response before and I have to admit, it might have been a little evil, but it was fun :) I had a man make a comment about how my kids sure didn't look at all like me, so it must be their daddy. I just looked at him and smiled and said, "Oh, they don't have the same father." lol
ReplyDeleteMaybe "OH! I'm not sure...hang on...I think so...yes, I'm sure those three are, and that one, and the one over there..." and maybe just start pointing at random kids around the store. They'll get the hint. ;)
ReplyDeleteActually, I think a very sweet "Why in the WORLD would you want to know THAT?" might work better. Because...hmmm...I think they will just shake their heads and think you are...um...maybe a little loose moraled? :) Just sayin'!
ReplyDeleteI love when I am asked if her father is Chinese...I say "Well...I THINK so!"
Nancy in CT
People in public ask me all the time if the girls are twins, and immodestly I love to say "nope, they came FTP
ReplyDeleteDifferent countries" and just keep walking, as the person who just asked the question is stumped and confused. Then, when someone says " your daughter looks just like you!" if I'm feeling ornery I say "thanks, but I don't know her mother!"
But most of the time when people ask questions I just smile and say thank you. But I know what you mean about silly questions!!!!
That would be a perfect response and hilarious at that. I would love to see their faces after you respond in such a way. LOL
ReplyDeleteMy friend who adopted transracially used to get an awful lot of comments from strangers about "does he look like his father?" She used to reply "Don't know; never met him" and walk on!
ReplyDeleteOr even better... "yes, but XX of them have different Mothers..." hehe
ReplyDeleteI have actually said this to one rude person!! I even elaborated to add that even the twins have different fathers and left it at that. Mine too are all blond haired and blue eyed so far! I have learned that People will continue to be rude no matter what. We will always get comments since we have 12 kids and more to come!
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