We are adjusting to the idea of another son in our home. Adjusting to the idea of so much overseas travel. Adjusting to the idea of the doctor's appointments and therapies and adjustments that will be necessary once Monroe is home.
And some days the adjustments are so enjoyable and something I want to embrace wholeheartedly and just run toward.
But other times those adjustments seem somewhat unsurmountable!
I know that God's plans are not ones that we know without following them, but that feeling of "what in the world?!" that we had in Ukraine when God handed us Emma and Micah for the first time... the same feelings I had when we committed to adopt Sasha, and probably the same ones when we had each of our biological children and we tried to "envision" what life would be like with one more... those are surfacing now and then.
In prayer tonight, I know that we are letting God lead, and that He knows the paths and knows the journey we will be taking. And that we are right where HE has asked us to be. No matter the rational thought or opposition, HE has asked us to step out in faith and we are doing just that.
We cannot wait to bring Monroe home, and to know that all these "what if" thoughts of fear and anxiety at the look of the unknown will disappear into the rambles when God brings the strength and assurance that He will bring us through every obstacle. Not without difficulty. Not without our own constant questions. Not without us wondering time and time again these same things...
God doesn't say the narrow path is easy. He says it is right.
Our God is a God who moves mountains, who brings miracles and has overcome the grave. Not even one child can go a day without God knowing exactly what they endure and what their future looks like. He is calling. We are answering.
Blessed be the Name of the Lord, who calls not the prepared but prepares those He calls. Who takes not the righteous, but brings the lowly to become the Righteousness of God. Who looks after the orphans and widows and calls us to live our life in remembrance of Him-- and to do as He would do. Who then calls US to say "Follow me, as I follow the example of Christ" (1 Corinthians 11:1).
Yes, we have our moments of doubt too... and in an effort to continue to "keep it real" I intend to post the very real things that go on in my life, in our lives. We know we have a choice in this, and we will press on unless God clearly says "STOP." I know I'll get a mixed response from a post such as this, and I'm posting it anyway because there is someone else that's considering adoption and is in this same boat tonight that needs to hear that someone that has 3 adopted kids and 3 bio kids still looks out at the prospect of adoption and still feels those same normal feelings of apprehension. Without this dose of 'humanity', we leave very little room for God to show up big. Without sharing the hard times we don't allow God to share his triumph. So, doubts, hard times, and humanity it is... Now isn't a time for hiding, but of further revealing our hearts and our own flaws so that we can stay real.