Sometimes He calms the storm, and other times He calms His child. This time He has given us a calm, although it is still devastating to lose a child you have waited months and pressed against all odds to get. We will not be allowed to adopt Sasha, and we are heartbroken. But God is either on the Throne or He’s not, and we believe that He is. So we trust in His greater purpose and we give thanks that we are able to know that Sasha is ok and that her institution is not one where she is mistreated or neglected.
In Sasha’s honor I want to take this time to thank those that have commented on our faith, and also to share something more with you. Two years ago our baby girl, Brianna was diagnosed with Down syndrome. But instead of tears of sadness over her diagnosis we had surprise and relief. We thought it was going to be something worse. Then two more days passed by and we received notice that she had a major heart condition and that she would need open heart surgery very soon. If someone had told me a year before that that I would be dealing with a child who needed open heart surgery I would have said I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bear that load. I couldn’t be strong for her. I didn’t have THAT faith. I believe God performs miracles, but I didn’t think my own body and mind were strong enough to endure it. But I was. Not because of myself- but in SPITE of myself. It is easy to say we have “great faith” or “little faith” when we are going through daily routines and taking life as it happens. But in the fires is when it is not only tested, but refined. The saying “God doesn’t allow more than we can endure” is not just a tale. God will refine us. He will polish us. He will straighten out a bent rod but must first heat it to make it pliable. We have to go through things. And they make us stronger.
Even just one year ago I hadn’t even considered going to the other side of the world for a child. Then 5 months ago the idea of 6 weeks away was daunting and we were glad we would travel for 2 and then another 1 later on. Then God changed things a little more and had us plan to be away for 3 weeks initially and for me to stay for the additional 3. He brought us here, and now the plans are not ours. God has a purpose in us being in Ukraine right now. If it is for just one person to read this and to turn to Him with knowledge that He is the God of the universe, then it is worth it to me. God loves us so much that he gave his son. He allowed him to die. Sometimes love means letting go. Sometimes letting go has another purpose. God allowed Jesus to die so that we ALL could have a passageway to Heaven. Jesus bore the sins of all men- past, present, and future- on himself when he hung on the cross. He was separated from God and he died. But the important part is that Jesus fulfilled his purpose. He rose again and conquered death and the grave. And he would have done it even if only one person- just you- would ever put faith in Him, accept His forgiveness, and live for His purpose.
Please consider these words, in the honor of the daughter of our hearts. For Sasha.