Friday, January 25, 2008

01-25-2008 7:00pm Korosten

Sometimes He calms the storm, and other times He calms His child. This time He has given us a calm, although it is still devastating to lose a child you have waited months and pressed against all odds to get. We will not be allowed to adopt Sasha, and we are heartbroken. But God is either on the Throne or He’s not, and we believe that He is. So we trust in His greater purpose and we give thanks that we are able to know that Sasha is ok and that her institution is not one where she is mistreated or neglected.

In Sasha’s honor I want to take this time to thank those that have commented on our faith, and also to share something more with you. Two years ago our baby girl, Brianna was diagnosed with Down syndrome. But instead of tears of sadness over her diagnosis we had surprise and relief. We thought it was going to be something worse. Then two more days passed by and we received notice that she had a major heart condition and that she would need open heart surgery very soon. If someone had told me a year before that that I would be dealing with a child who needed open heart surgery I would have said I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bear that load. I couldn’t be strong for her. I didn’t have THAT faith. I believe God performs miracles, but I didn’t think my own body and mind were strong enough to endure it. But I was. Not because of myself- but in SPITE of myself. It is easy to say we have “great faith” or “little faith” when we are going through daily routines and taking life as it happens. But in the fires is when it is not only tested, but refined. The saying “God doesn’t allow more than we can endure” is not just a tale. God will refine us. He will polish us. He will straighten out a bent rod but must first heat it to make it pliable. We have to go through things. And they make us stronger.

Even just one year ago I hadn’t even considered going to the other side of the world for a child. Then 5 months ago the idea of 6 weeks away was daunting and we were glad we would travel for 2 and then another 1 later on. Then God changed things a little more and had us plan to be away for 3 weeks initially and for me to stay for the additional 3. He brought us here, and now the plans are not ours. God has a purpose in us being in Ukraine right now. If it is for just one person to read this and to turn to Him with knowledge that He is the God of the universe, then it is worth it to me. God loves us so much that he gave his son. He allowed him to die. Sometimes love means letting go. Sometimes letting go has another purpose. God allowed Jesus to die so that we ALL could have a passageway to Heaven. Jesus bore the sins of all men- past, present, and future- on himself when he hung on the cross. He was separated from God and he died. But the important part is that Jesus fulfilled his purpose. He rose again and conquered death and the grave. And he would have done it even if only one person- just you- would ever put faith in Him, accept His forgiveness, and live for His purpose.

Please consider these words, in the honor of the daughter of our hearts. For Sasha.

26 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  2. I am praying for you guys Meredith. I'm so sorry.

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  3. Meredith and Michael, we know God has a purpose for you being there right now and Sasha was such a wonderful and good little girl to bring you there on His behalf. She will always be your little girl, I believe that. We will pray for her every day for knowing about her and have faith God knows what is going to happen in her life.

    I know you are grieving and there is no way to rush that process but we know that there is a child there who needs you and we know you will know who that is. We are praying for you both, so much.

    We've never met you in person, we'd love to, but we haven't and yet I feel like we are sisters, not just in the Lord, but sisters of the heart. I wept with each update and we prayed and wept as though it was our own hearts losing this gorgeous child. We can not imagine how your hearts are.

    But just as you posted about Briana's heart and how God repaired it, well, I know, as do you, that He will repair yours.

    I pray so for Sasha. I don't know what her future holds, maybe the director is too attached to her and doesn't want to see her go, I don't know. I pray for him and if there is a chance he will still change his mind, that he will find a way to contact you.

    Michael and Meredith we love you,
    William and Lucille

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  4. God does have a plan for you. I am so sorry for your loss of Sasha. I am praying for you all.

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  5. I'm so sorry :( You are all in my prayers.

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  6. I'm so very sorry, Meredith.

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  7. Thank you for that meredith. When you come back home I know that you will keep Sasha in your heart and she will always be your Daughter.. even if she lives on the other side of the world and you never see her again.. you LOVE her and will NEVER forget her. I'm glad that briefly Sasha knew what it was like to be held by you. Take Care

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  8. I'm so sorry Meredith ... it is hard for all of us to wrap our minds around this.

    Your wisdom makes my jaw drop. I look forward to hearing about what is to come.

    Hugs to you!

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  9. Dear Meredith and Michael,
    We are praying for you as you grieve. We are also looking forward to watching as God leads you forward. Thank you for sharing your journey with all of us. God is using you every step of the way.
    Sincerely,
    Lisa

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  10. Thank you for sharing your heart and your faith with all of us. Praying that God will heal your broken hearts and excited to see where He will lead you all next. Little Sasha is so beautiful and God has an important plan for her too.

    Kelly
    RR Group

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  11. My prayers are with you.
    Martha S. (From RR)

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  12. My prayers are with you.
    Martha S. (From RR)

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  13. My heart is breaking right along with yours. I am so sorry this happened. I am amazed by your faith that this is they way things are supposed to be.May that faith guide you on your journey and give you peace.

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  14. Meredith and Michael,

    Your post is so beautiful and a fitting tribute to Sasha, the litle girl that will always be your Daughter in your heart. I pray for healing for your hearts that are breaking right now, and I am hopeful that He will reveal His plans for you.

    Christina
    RR Group

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  15. I'm so sorry that your heart is feeling heavy this evening. You are a man and woman with great faith and I know that your faith will lift you up as you travel this journey.

    Dani

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  16. I am so sorry Meridith. So very sorry. Sasha will be in my prayers for many years to come. Every orphan I hear of will remind me of this one little girl in the Ukraine. I pray that she will remember how it felt to be held and loved for those few moments in her life. I pray that the director's heart will somehow soften and he'll let her go with another family. I pray that your hearts will heal from this loss, and that it will only be a very short time before you are brought into the light of knowledge. That God will show you something else, someONE else who was to be helped by you traveling across the world. There is a child somewhere who is calling you. Sasha was calling you, for whatever reason God had you hear (I think it was to work on that director's heart, and only the two of you are strong enough to handle the situation as you have.) But there is still another child calling.

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  17. Oh sweetie, I am sooo sorry for the anguish you are facing right now. {{{{{Hugs}}}}}

    We experienced a failed adoption 5 years ago, and at times I wondered if I would be able to bear the pain and anguish I was feeling. But the Lord was faithful to soothe and heal my wounded spirit through a hauntingly beautiful lullaby written by Fernando Ortega after he and his wife experienced a failed adoption. I must have listened to it more than a thousand times before its message finally broke down the walls around my heart so I could grieve and move on.

    Here is the link to a YouTube video of Fernando's lullaby, "If You Were Mine". I hope and pray it will minister the Lord's comfort and peace to you in your time of sorrow.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwcYe7O-Z4s

    (If for some reason the link doesn't work, you can go to my blog and watch it in the post titled, The Miracle of Adoption--II. Trust me, it will be well worth your time!)

    Love in Christ,
    Patrice, lurker & infrequent poster on RR

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  18. Meredith and Michael,
    I'm so sorry. I'm praying for you as you grieve over Sasha. You are such a testimony of God's love. Thank you for allowing us to pray for you and follow this journey of faith God has placed you on.

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  19. Thank you for sharing your testimony of Christ. God is mindful of each of us... He will direct your paths...until "thy cup runneth over..."
    Love,
    Dolores.

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  20. my heart is aching for Sasha to not know the love of a family.
    I do so appreciate all that you share with us. I so wish I could be there with you to help in some way.
    As I cry here typing, I have faith in your strength to get through this a stronger person. You are amazing to me Meredith.

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  21. God bless you for you wise words. We'll continue to pray as we wait with you to see what God's perfect plan is.

    I've learned so much about the subject of adoption that I never thought would become this important to me. Thank you for sharing your experiences.

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  22. We are very sorry to hear your news, our hearts go out to you. You are such a strong family and we know you will be OK.

    Kris and Tom RR

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  23. Our prayers continue to be with you, Sasha, and your circumstances. My heart aches for your loss, and waits on the Lord for his purpose and his plan for your family. Sasha will be remembered by so many people. I know I and many others will continue to pray for her, and will often wonder what she is up to at her home in the Ukrain.

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  24. crying and praying for you and Sasha right now.

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  25. I just wanted to let you know that today my mom was feeling very depressed and lost, and I said that God is on His throne or He is not...and I know He is. She said, "I don't understand," and I pulled up this post and I read it to her, and told her where you are now, and she said that it was just what she needed to hear, and that now she knows she can get through all this stuff that she and I are going through. Your family listened to God and did what He asked you, and look where you are now! These children who were told they would never live are thriving, happy, relatively healthy children. And even through the heartbreak of not being able to take home Sasha, God has proven that He has everything under control...His control, not ours. Thank you for your testimony...you have helped so many people!

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