October flew by!

Today we mark that Delaina is 15 months old, it's Halloween, and it's the end of the semester (last week) for the kids with homeschooling.  This was week 19!

For Halloween we started off the day with Kristopher going up to my mom's church with her to hand out candy to the kindergarteners from the nearby elementary school that were trick or treating there this morning.  At the same time I was getting 8 other little people together and we headed out the door to the therapy center for OT, PT and Speech therapies.

When we arrived at the therapy center I quickly put on everyone's "Super Capes" and brought them inside.  We headed back to the 'gym' room and were soon met by two of our therapists, who were ready to take the kids around to the trick or treating at the different offices around the center.

We made it to three doors before there was an overwhelming amount of small children all walking the halls in the OPPOSITE DIRECTION, along with a door with a woman holding... a dog.  On that note, Aleksa wanted whatever the person was going to give her enough to walk near the door, however Emma had the biggest breaks on you've ever seen!  She's not a fan of dogs... even the kind that fit on your lap, or in your shoe even... So, our little 'trick or treating' episode ran short and we headed back the way we came, stopped at the therapy center office and went back in to the gym room.  Delaina LOVED the activity and carried her bag and walked the entire way!  Wes held on to his bag as well, and Brianna, Micah, Emma, Aleksa, and Lynae did generally pretty well with it also.  Yes, I left out James, who was sure he wanted to sit on the ground and wanted nothing to do with holding a bag.  Or talking to people.  He was my little buddy for that endeavor, along with Delaina and Wesley :).

Then we began the "incorporating therapy in to handing out goodies" and two by two the kids took a turn with our OT (H) and PT (J) to hand out goodies to the preschoolers in the building.  The first one was returned to me after throwing the bowl of stickers and laughing.  The second when she wanted to kick and hit at everyone-- first her siblings, then random adults and strangers walking by.  The third was brought back because the 'wait time' between groups got to be a bit much and his patience leaves something to be desired.  Lynae stayed the entire time, excited to have gotten "her chance" to be with the therapists, as she attends with us every week yet doesn't actually receive any therapy. :)  Brianna was the 4th to join them and stuck around for the rest of the time, and when it was just Lynae and Brianna with J and H, J came back to the gym and set up a second 'booth' with Wesley to hand out coloring sheets to the last group of kids.  All in all, 6 of the kids participated, and in the middle of the 'handing out', our ST (M) came by and picked up James for therapy.  It was a revolving door kind of morning!

After that 30 minutes of craziness, capes began to come off and therapy resumed!  This morning we had 4 OT sessions, 3 ST sessions, and 3 PT sessions.  This is going to be the new routine (we just added ST in the morning and will be adding a 4th session to it soon), and we'll also be adding 2 more Speech sessions in the evening at the center.  Thursdays we pretty much just expect to be exhausted during!

At 12:15 we head to the car, myself and 8 kids in tow, back sporting their capes and with little baggies of goodies (goldfish, pretzels, and fruit snacks... my kind of trick or treating!) and headed off to pick up Kristopher from his reading class with Grandmommy.

At home we had lunch and iced cookies as a special treat, then some quiet time and play time before the afternoon was gone and it was dinner time!  This year we decided not to go trick-or-treating and instead to do a family movie night.  No complaints from the peanut gallery, so we picked up Monsters University and popped popcorn then added peanuts and candy corn to it.  Our family room became the movie theater and we all enjoyed a movie.

Michael and I enjoyed a couple of slices of home made pumpkin pie, made from scratch from the meat of the pumpkin that we carved over the weekend.  Then, some whipped cream... whipped from heavy whipping cream!  Home made delicious!

We're closing out the month with a busy but great day.  Our family is busy, sometimes difficult and often tiring, but it is such a joy and a privilege to have this be the way we spend our days.

A newspaper article about our family

We are always cautious about opening our family to 'media' because you never know what type of spin it will have. Recently we were approached about a "Turbo Mom" feature with the Florida Today newspaper. The idea of a light being hidden under a bush came to mind. God's given us a testimony, and we need to share it, even at the 'risk' of public scrutiny. 

I think the article was well done, and this quote is one we live by:

"Societally, being inconvenienced is something people try to avoid, however the amount of inconvenience that we experience when expanding our family through adoption is nothing compared to the ‘inconvenience’ of not having a family."

:) Something I've been saying a lot lately!

Here's the FL Today article:
http://www.floridatoday.com/article/20130920/TURBOMOM/309200011/Look-Who-s-Talking-Meredith-Cornish

Happy First Birthday Delaina! And happy Seventh to James!

In the great scheme of things, we often don't make a big deal out of every birthday in our house because, well, there are quite a lot of them :).  However... the FIRST birthday, well, it's kind of a big deal.

On Sunday we celebrated both Delaina's first birthday (July 31st) AND James' 7th birthday (August 14th)!  We also celebrated the birth of their new cousin, Alexander (August 1st). :)

I know that rather than a run-down of the day, you'd much rather see pictures.  And I'm LONG over-due to post pictures here.  Really, it's just so much easier to click "upload to FaceBook".  If you ever need a photo fix, visit us at www.facebook.com/thecornishfamily and there's a stream of photos and videos that are posted there as things happen.

Without further ado... PICTURES :) in absolutely no particular order... :)

 Grandaddy Pocock and Brianna

 Matthew, April, and Emma

 Delaina

 Aleksa

 Grandaddy Pocock, Micah, and Brianna, Kristopher in background

 Kristopher, and James in foreground

 Delaina

 Aunt Birgitt Pocock, Lynae, and Micah, Michael in foreground

 Michael and James

 Michael and James

 Michael and James

 James

 James

 Michael and Delaina

 Wesley

 Grandma Cornish, Kristopher, Delaina, Brianna, Micah, and Michael holding Lynae

 Grandma Cornish, Wesley, Aleksa, Delaina, Michael holding Micah, Matthew and April, James on the floor, Granddaddy Pocock holding Emma

 Grandma Cornish and Delaina

Elizabeth holding Alexander and Aunt Birgitt Pocock

 Granddaddy Pocock holding Nathaniel

 Elizabeth with Alexander

April and Aleksa

 

 Grndma Cornish, Delaina, Brianna, Wesley, Elizabeth with Alexander, Michael

Kristopher holding Alexander

 Jim and Kristopher

 Angel

 James and Granddaddy holding Nathaniel

 Emma, Eliabeth, James, Michael, Lynae

 Cake!

 Delaina's first birthday cake!

 James digging in... even though he normally doesn't eat ANYTHING (literally-- all liquid, but he liked the cake!)

Happy Birthday!! :) 

Praying for the captors...

This is a blog post originally written in January 2008 when we had just finalized the STOP of the adoption of Aleksa the first time (also referenced as "Sasha" below) and our intention to adopt Emma and "Simon" (who was not yet available and we instead adopted Micah who was 'newly' listed-- Simon was later adopted as well, though).

Praying for the captor.  And now... FREEDOM.  I'd forgotten about this, but I distinctly remember laying on that stuffy twin bed in the hotel in Korosten praying and crying and reading the Bible, flipping pages and reading aloud and Michael saying I wasn't making sense then jotting down notes...  Mike eventually did make sense of me :)

Before going to bed I began to consider a name for our future children. The name we had for Sasha was Aleksa Faith. It is by faith that we stepped out to find her. The name for our son, unknown to us(but this would be Misha), was Dylan Jeremiah. Today we learned our new son’s nickname is Simon. We have decided that Simon will be his middle name as we have named each of our children with a strong Biblical middle name. For our girl, since it was Faith that brought us to Sasha, seemed appropriate to have the middle name of Hope. So I looked through my Bible's concordance for Hope. What is a verse to cling to for our little girl? Immediately the verse we know so well stood out to me. Jeremiah 29:11. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” How fitting.
Our little girl will not have a future without being adopted. But the lord has plans for her. Plans to give her hope and a future. Plans to prosper her and not to harm her. Plans to give her a family and love. And how neat that it stood out to me because of the name Jeremiah that precedes it (the name we intended for Misha's middle name).
That’s not all though. That’s just in the concordance. When I turned to Jeremiah 29 I began at the beginning of the letter. It was written by the prophet Jeremiah and “sent from Jerusalem to the surviving elders among the exiles and to the priests, the prophets, and all other people Nebuchadnezzar had carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon.” It carries the words that the Lord has sent to the exiles. In verse seven it says something unusual though. “Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.” In my study notes it says this “An unprecedented and unique concept in the ancient world; working toward and praying for the prosperity of one’s captors.”
It goes on in verse 10 to say that at the prescribed time He will come and fulfill His promise and bring them back. Then verse 11, plans to prosper, to give hope, to give a future. In verse 13 and 14 it says “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you, declares the Lord, and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”
He will collect his children. He has a plan for them. And a plan for their captors as well…In the end of verse 21, speaking of those who have spoken lies in His name, it says “I will hand them over to Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon, and he will put them to death before your very eyes.” Those that created stumbling blocks will be dealt with.
Thank you, God for teaching us to pray for the captors. Pray for those who persecute. Pray for the captors. Pray not just for a change in their heart, but for their prosperity. Because if they have peace and prosperity so will the captive.
I don’t know about you, but I never thought to pray prosperity on the ‘captor’ of Sasha’s orphanage. I didn’t think to pray peace. But it is true… if he has peace and prosperity, so then will Sasha. And in an economy where the need for money is a drive for so many inappropriate actions and decisions, prosperity may be just what some people need in order to be okay allowing change.Tonight I ask you to pray for peace and prosperity on the director of Sasha’s orphanage.

Companionship: The Missing Piece of the Puzzle for Special Needs Parents

I tend to run in different "circles of friends" than most people that I know in my own town.  I don't attend playgroups, don't go to the homeschooling co-ops, don't participate in the Women's Bible Studies, and don't hang out with the PTA at the elementary school.  I could give reasons about why I don't take part in each of those, but really it would all boil back down to one thing: We have a unique family make-up and our chosen path because of that uniqueness means that these things are not options for us right now.

I could make a much longer list of the things that we don't do because of the path of life we're on.  In fact, I could regularly add something to it that we "used to do" that we will no longer do because of one reason or another.  I don't believe there is a magic button that turns us from social creatures in to isolated people and makes our desires for interaction with people outside of our children and spouse to suddenly turn off.

Instead, I think that the more isolated our lives bring us, the more we need to reach out for connections with people that can understand our journey.  

When it feels like we're "doing life alone" is when we most need a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen, and a friend to help pick us back up on our feet.  I often struggle with that balance and find that during the most difficult seasons, I not only am walking through fire, but I find myself afraid to reach out to others.  I fear several things.  

1. Burdening them with the weight of my trouble.
2. Rejection, and having them turn me away, worsening the feeling of my troubles.
3. Feeling that I've given them a view of our situation that is all negative, which is not my intention.

When things look pretty bleak, when we feel like we're alone, when we're mourning the things we "can't" do as a family or as an individual, we can't just internalize and move on.  No, we need to do some things to keep OURSELVES healthy.

The first thing I often look is for a compassionate friend that can get it.  Find someone that can share your burdens, understand your struggles, and relate to you because they have been in your shoes.  Ok, I hear you "easier said than done!"  "No one really can understand what I'm going through."  "I don't know anyone like that."  That's when I say look harder.  

I am amazed at the people that God has brought in to my life through online relationships. Most of us with unique family situations don't have connections with people in our own communities that can relate to what we're going through with our family.  I don't know any other families in our town that have a house full of children ages 10 and under that have significant disabilities and some with past trauma.  The blessing is-- I don't have to.

Don't get me wrong, I would love to have someone local that could really relate to us!  Right now, that's not how God has provided that companionship for us, though.

In fact, most of the families that I am involved with who have multiple adopted children with special needs feel some degree of isolation from other families in their communities.  

It is amazing what today's technology can provide to families with unique situations.  Whether a family has 1 or 25 children, whether some or all or none of them are adopted, and no matter how many of them have any amount or variant of special needs, the community of adoptive parents and special needs parents online is a resource like none other.  I have been involved with families experiencing all of the following through FaceBook parent connections:

• Families find companionship through similar unique family make-ups
• Parents experience life with other families at conferences, during vacations or spending holidays together
• Moms locate other moms whose children have the same unique diagnosis as their child
• People share profiles of waiting children with hundreds of families that may be open to raising the child- and kids find families
• Parents relate with others when they feel their troubles are overwhelming and finding they aren't alone
• Moms and dads realize there are people who will reach out to their family in a time of crisis to provide a listening ear, assistance through shared experiences, and even respite for the family in need
• I have seen children whose adoptions need to be disrupted (child goes to a second adoptive family) and the "first family" connects with the new adoptive family and plays a special role in the child's life even as they are unable to meet the child's physical and emotional/social needs
• Foster parents who have a special bond with a child that are able to keep in contact and receive updates on the child and their new family

I am a part of many groups on FaceBook, and each serves a different 'role'.

• Christian Mom's Groups
• Diagnosis specific groups (feeding tubes, Down syndrome, CP)
• General special needs parenting groups
• Special needs adoption groups
• Multiple adopted special needs kids groups

I want to encourage you... that if you are not already connected with other people that can share your burdens, understand your struggles, and relate to you because they have been in your shoes, then keep looking. 

Dig a little more. I don't believe there is a magic button that turns us from social creatures in to isolated people and makes our desires for interaction with people outside of our family to suddenly turn off.  Instead, I think that the more isolated our lives bring us, the more we need to reach out for connections with people that can understand our journey.  

Entitlement

WOAH, no one likes to hear that word!  If you say "entitled" then maybe it's ok.  But entitleMENT seems to put a bit of a spin on it that suggests that somehow it is wrong.  It is a state of mind/descriptor/etc that people shouldn't have.  But somehow to say to someone "you are entitled to it" is still ok.

So, why would I throw out such a word to start off this post?  Because I had a little battle with myself about entitlement today.  Yep, with myself.  Let me tell you about my day today.

At 5:45 my alarm went off and I crawled out of bed after about 5 hours of sleep, wishing I could lay back down.  The day before we spent about 10 hours in the car driving home from a weekend get-away and I had started feeling poorly the last half of that trip home.  By the time we were home, I had to get the kids in bed, three little boys showered in preparation for today's adventures, everyone's medications done, and Michael unpacked the car and cleaned it out as well.  Then we got everything ready for today- clothes out for everyone, medications and feeding pumps and diapers and formulas packed again.

Today at 6:30 we pulled out of our house in two cars with our three younger boys and drove an hour to Orlando to the hospital.  Traffic and road construction had us cutting it close to the wire for arriving on time.  Then we drove in circles for 30 minutes trying to find the entrance that we'd been told to valet park in front of through all of the construction, finally giving up and finding a garage that we were told by a kind man on the side of the road would connect us where we could at least walk to the correct building.  Once inside, we walked the entire length of the hospital then turned and walked the entire width of the hospital.  We got to a desk where we had been escorted to by an RN that was headed a similar direction and was in the parking garage with us, only to be told to retrace our steps for surgeries and go back practically where we had come from but following a different set of hallways once we got halfway.

We walked in to a long room with a door at the end and recliners lining the walls and went up to an empty window at the end sporting the photo of a man whose name was the same as the lady at the first desk had said it would be.  Three staff people went in and out the doors, and we stood there still... 30 minutes late to our appointment.  Finally they said "oh these are the brothers!" and brought us back to be weighed then in to a room prepared for them with three hospital beds.  Then they came in to tell us that things were "running behind" because of some complications that were unexpected with some of the first patients of the day.  Eventually, the first two boys went back to back for procedures and Michael met each one in the PACU to sit with them while they woke up, then Micah was sent back to me in the recovery area just as Wesley was taken back for his procedure, then James and Michael came back out a little while later.  Things were going like clockwork.

Michael and I dressed the boys, gave them clear liquids, and some young girls showed up with wheelchairs ready to escort Michael, James, and Micah to the car to go home.  Wesley's surgery was scheduled to take a little longer.  I was called to sit with him in PACU just as Michael and the little boys were ready to wheel out, so we said our goodbyes and went separate ways.  Another 4 hours later, after things that shouldn't have really been very much different than the first two boys just didn't happen in the same way once we were sent to a different (mixed adults and children due to the later time of day) recovery room... Wesley and I finally got our jailbreak.

I should mention here that I woke up that morning with a sore and swollen throat and took Tylenol which helped tremendously the first half of the day, but quickly wore off as the day wore on.  I was tired, achy, icky feeling, and *I* wanted to go home... and Wesley had been a great patient, but his patience had worn off and he was DONE by the time we convinced the nurse to let us leave.

This brings me to 5:30pm when I walked down the hallway, got on an elevator to the 3rd floor, then walked another two sets of hallways to come to where there was another set of elevators to go to the 6th floor... and saw a restroom.  It sounded like a good stop to make, so Wesley and I turned in to the ladies' bathroom before hitting the elevator.  11 hours since we left home, we were exhausted, and I was, without a doubt, ready to be home.  Not just that, but to get some Tylenol for the aches and fever and to curl up under a blanket and go to SLEEP.  RIGHT. THEN.

That's when the entitlement factor kicked in.  It drove me from "God is good, and by His grace we do what we do" which I had to have said to 10 staff members that asked how in the WORLD we could have 3 little boys with special needs that day.  Up until right when we were leaving, I kept a smile on my face and a kind posture to my words.  Standing in that bathroom, however, I didn't want to think nice thoughts or say nice things.  I was downright frustrated.  I stood and waited.  And waited.  And waited.  The toilet flushed (Wesley screamed).  The sink ran.  The paper towel machine made noise.  All of that happened in the handicap stall.  I looked at the sink next to me, empty.  And the three stalls.  Also empty.  None of which would help me because I needed to use a restroom where Wesley and his wheelchair would fit inside with me.  We waited some more.

Finally, a single woman with her purse thrown over her shoulder came walking out with a bounce in her step.  No, wait.  She didn't even come out.  She opened the door, and asked if she could hold it for me, while standing in the way of me getting the wheelchair in that stall, which would have resulted in her being stuck in the stall WITH us while I used the restroom.  She had no idea.

She had no idea that we had been there, waiting after we left our house 11 1/2 hours prior and with my son that had been through a pretty painful surgery.  Waiting, so we could go get gas, food, and get on the road after feeling like we were held captive for the last 2 1/2 hours of our time after his surgery.  Waiting, knowing that this was the first opportunity in many hours that I had to use the restroom, and likely would be the last opportunity before we came home.

Something in me wanted to say something ugly.  Something to say to her that she could have washed and dried her hands out in the main bathroom instead of taking up the handicap stall longer.  Something to say that there really was no reason for her to be in there in the first place, because she had no disabilities and had no one with her that would require the extra space.  Something that pointed out that there are people that are actually disabled and people escorting them who are being made to wait (in pain) because she wanted to take her leisurely time in the only place that they could go.

Then, God smacked me over the head.  At least, that's the way it felt.  The thoughts that began running through my mind went something like this...

Nothing in your life makes you any better than her.  Nothing she did was wrong.  She may have been inconsiderate, in taking the handicap stall, but there was no reason for her not to enjoy the space and the cleaner restroom (which is often the case) instead of one of the others.  She didn't jump ahead of you and take the only place you could go, she was already in there when you came in.  Your son doesn't need to use the restroom and isn't even upset about waiting (except the toilet flush which has nothing to do with where she chose to use the restroom).  Just because you have a better excuse-- or even a need-- for something special for your child or for yourself because of your child doesn't make you ENTITLED TO IT.

DING DING DING.  I had this creeping sense of entitlement sneak in.  It's the same one that occasionally pops up when people who have handicap tags make snarky comments about all of the elderly people in Florida having handicap placards and how that's why there's never any handicap parking when you need it.  It's the one that sneaks up when there have been accommodations made specifically for people with special needs that, for whatever reason, a person isn't able to utilize when they qualify for it, but it's unavailable because of some other reason-- be it the busyness of a situation, it being used by someone else, or even if the person doesn't qualify in all the categories but still feels they should be... entitled... to it.  I hear it regularly about people who cannot receive medicaid when they could really use it-- but their income isn't quite within the boundaries.  Or SSI for their disabled children, but their family asset base is too high.  I hear it about school services and public park facilities and parking lots, and yes, even restrooms.

What we, as parents of children with special needs, need to do is take a step back from what appears to have been created "for our children" and we feel we have a right to access, and recognize that despite it being made "for them," it does not meant that we are entitled to it.  The perks are great, and sometimes are absolutely necessary for us to be able to access things (such as restrooms for our children), but when something that is "helpful and great and we are thankful for someone providing it" becomes something that "we are supposed to have access to and we get ourselves all messed up over not having it how and when we want it," then... we have taken things too far.  We have entered in to entitlement.  We have begun to sink the ship of gratefulness and begun to build a wall of pride to fall off of.

Do I mean that the idea of accessibility is just a 'nice notion' and not everyone should be welcoming to people that need handicap accessible areas and other such 'conveniences' that make life DOABLE?  No way!  Do I mean that benefits that are available to people with special needs shouldn't be available to them? Not necessarily (if one qualifies within the boundaries of the law).  What I DO mean, is that when others are living life innocently and choose to use the nicer bathroom or the person that doesn't APPEAR to be handicap uses their tag to park closer to the grocery store, or anything else happens which makes it so that what we feel is there FOR US and OUR KIDS is not available to us, then we need to take a few breaths.  Breathe a few prayers.  Refocus on God and on life and on the thankfulness we SHOULD have in everything we do.  Despite our circumstances, despite our lack of sleep, despite our long days of caring for our children and despite our 'natural' tendency to want to react when we have had a day of testing.

Then, we wait that extra 2 minutes for the toilet to flush, the water to turn off, the paper towel dispenser to make noise, and we SMILE and THANK the girl offering to hold open the bathroom stall door for us.  And when she gets trapped inside, well, I suppose that's when she might want to rethink her offer to hold the door next time :)

Our Story

So... I'm awake. It's 1:20am and my mind is spinning. God speaks to me in the darkness and in the quiet, and He uses what He's shown me throughout the day to do that. This weekend Michael and I recognized and celebrated 12 years of marriage and the unique life path that we're on. We spoke of role models throughout the years and mistakes and twists we couldn't have foreseen. We talked of the past and of the future, and how so much is changing... once again. I woke with this all on my mind and sat down with a blank page. This is what came out:

To tell you our story I could start at the end or the beginning, but no matter where I begin, the intricacies of God are so entangled in it that the beginning and the end mesh somewhere in the middle, and the origins of time escape from the picture. God knew where we would be today from when I was born and as time holds no relevance to God, He pieced it together in his all-knowing power. Tomorrow is no surprise either, so when the happenings of three years ago coincide with the dealings of tomorrow it should be of no surprise to us since God is the one that orchestrates it all together. Unlike the orchestral symphony which requires perfect timing, God’s timing expands beyond our limited knowledge of the continuum and rolls instead into the silence that is tomorrow and was yesterday. We can trust just the same that tomorrow we will be in the folds of God’s grace as we did today and yesterday because God holds it all in eternity. So I will tell you our story, but the web that it spins won’t be one of chronology. Instead it will work backward and forward into the silent symphony that God created in us without concern for time. 

One day at a time, we are telling that story. From yesterday to three years ago, to tomorrow, the story continues, and sometimes the future makes the past make sense. :)

10 Simple Ways to Modify Children's Church Activities for Children with Special Needs

Bible Story time: While your 'typical' third grader can listen quietly to a story for 10 minutes and answer questions about what they just heard about, a child with a short attention span, developmental disabilities, or sensory processing difficulties may not be able to listen nor sit still that long.  Here are some ways to teach the Bible lesson to that child without stressing out the child or the volunteers!

1. Make cutouts of the characters glued on to cardboard that the child can hold and manipulate during the story time.  You could also accomplish this with stuffed animals or puppets if they are available for the child to hold.  You might find that a lot of your students would enjoy this!

2. Give the child a 'medium for creativity'.  Ask them to create a character or scene from the story with colored pencil drawings or play dough in an area nearby the other children.  

3. Provide an alternate storytelling experience in an area where the child is not expected to be still or quiet.  Tell the story to him while he jumps on the trampoline or rolls the ball with you. 

4. Create the scene for all of the children using a more dramatic skit, or video allowing interaction from the 'audience' and allowing those who need to 'keep moving' to do so during the skit (in a safe way with supervision, they can walk throughout the room, for example).

5. Give the child a purpose in the storytelling, such as being a character, saying a special phrase whenever it comes up, or holding on to props while not in use.

Songs and Worship: Most children love this higher energy, fun, move around, raise your voices time!  Those very things which are a great draw for many children can be overwhelming for a child with sensory processing difficulties.  

6. Anticipate this activity and provide a fun alternative where children who need to can have a lower-sensory experience.  Stepping out to the hall outside the main room may be a perfect place to hear the music and voices, but not be right in the middle of it all. Encourage hand motions, dancing, and singing, or just listening if that's what the child needs.

Crafts: Every child needs a token to bring home to remember their church lesson by, right?  Those fun creative projects sometimes require more motor planning than the child can do, or are not safe for their developmental level. 

7. Prepare-ahead and provide projects that are partially or totally completed and require only the parts that the child can successfully do on their own.  Then have an activity ready for the children that have finished their craft project.

8. Provide an alternate craft or project that is more developmentally appropriate or safer for the child that correlates with the topic at hand.  Remember: kids like to be the same! Providing a similar but different craft may mean you should consider making this an option to the rest of the kids to choose instead as well!

Games: It's time to follow verbal directions and run to the appropriate part of the room-- last one there is out!  Last one in the game WINS!  So what do we do with the boy in a wheelchair, the child that's deaf, and the little girl that can't understand the game rules?

9. Buddies can be a great way to incorporate kids without them having to fully understand or be able to participate on their own.  So can a little head-start.  "Suzie and Ben, GO!" as Suzie pushes Ben's wheelchair away from the crowd before they all get to run.  Ask a child to volunteer to buddy with a friend and hold hands to run together for those that don't understand the directions or cannot hear them.  Give a little grace so they can enjoy the game too.  

10. Find a special role for your special members.  Needing a very important helper to be the score keeper, to announce "GO!" and to help you decide who was 'out' each time may be a great job for a child that cannot participate fully otherwise. 

There is nothing greater in life but to love and be loved

In the past month we have experienced something special.  Something that we knew existed but had yet to experience for ourselves.  Something which puts so much HOPE in us for the future, and so much JOY in the present.  We have experienced a new kind of ministry.  One that has opened their arms to our family and gone out of their way to make things work, and work WELL, for us.

This church is First Baptist Church of Orlando, and this ministry is their Special Friends ministry, run by Michael Woods.  

Let me share a little more about this situation...  We first approached Michael Woods as we realized we were going to be looking for a new church about 8 weeks or so ago.  When we first spoke, it didn't start with "we want to join your church," or "we are looking for a new permanent place to go to church."  No, it started with "we haven't been to church as a family in several weeks, we are looking for somewhere that is already established that we can 'rest' at, we don't know where we are going or what is happening next, but we need somewhere that our family can worship together soon."  

Mike and I set up for the whole family to go over to meet Michael Woods one afternoon and see the church campus, the special needs room, and for Michael to get an idea of the temperaments of the kids and ask questions, etc while we spent about 20 minutes or so together.  Even knowing that we weren't sure (and still are not) whether this would be a long term solution for our family or not, Michael went out of his way and has made it abundantly clear to us on a regular basis that he has a JOY in serving our family and our children.  There is not a burden that comes with having a large special needs family there.  It's not because this is a huge church or because there are people there with nothing better to do than spend time in special needs ministry.  This is a successful ministry because there is a passionate person running it who truly cares for the children involved, trains the volunteers well so they are not overwhelmed with the classroom, and who takes the time to know the children and families individually.

We are impressed not only with the way that the church special needs ministry has welcomed our family in, but in the support, encouragement, and prayer that they have offered as well.  Even though we are not members.  Even though we are in such a transitionary place in life that we don't know where we may land tomorrow.  Even though we didn't come in offering what we can do for the church.  Even though this church isn't in our neighborhood, not even in our city.  It's an hour drive to get there, but not for a moment will we complain about the time or gas that it takes to get there, because what we have experienced has been something so refreshing that time and money cannot compare.

It is said that the greatest things in life are to love and be loved.  We are experiencing that, and are grateful for that peace and the ability to have a moment to 'rest' each week as Michael and I listen to God's Word, experience musical Worship, and our children are taught the good news of Jesus Christ at the same time.

 

This, my friends, is something special.  And I hope and pray that this special something will be a spark that turns to a flame in The Church.  We pray this is something that we can bring in to whatever ministry God is preparing us for in the future as well, and we are so very thankful to Michael Woods and the volunteers that run the Special Friends ministry at FBC Orlando.

The cycle of thoughts… life, ministry, onward with jobs, and where we are at now!

As many of you know our family has had quite a few changes recently!  After changing jobs at the end of May, the second job turned out to be a bad fit for Michael and for our family.  Trusting that God has a great plan, Michael resigned after 2 weeks in that position, which was one month ago.  Where God has brought us from there has been nothing short of amazing.

Though there are moments that each of us struggle with the idea that we feel like we’re floundering, not ‘settled’ because of being unemployed, and not knowing whether we will be staying here or whether we are being uprooted and moved to somewhere new, we are not disheartened or otherwise depressed in our current situation.

Quite honestly, either way we are open to whatever God has, and both have their positives and negatives.  We love our home and more than just being a good space and that we recently added on to in order for it to be more accessible for all our kids (handicap bathroom), this house has HISTORY.  My parents built it when I was 7 years old and we purchased it from them about 6 years ago.  In addition to that, we have family here and an established history in this town ourselves.  Then again, sometimes change is good.  Here we have experienced the school system for our children with special needs and pulled out from it, we don’t have a local church, and oh, that’s right, no job.  :) Who knows what opportunities there may be for us in another area, or what opportunities we could have for the Lord there?

For several years God has been prompting Michael’s heart and mine to be more involved in personal ministry.  Yes, Michael has worked in the church, but for the last 8 years (or thereabouts) he has worked more in support and administration than in person to person ministry within the church.  During the five years before that, Michael worked in youth ministry in different ways, was licensed and ordained in the Baptist church, and even once he moved in to administration, I continued to work as a children’s minister for about 2 years after that.  When Michael worked in student ministry, I served alongside him as much as possible.  He moved out of that both because of needs within the church that he could fulfill and because of our family’s need to ‘figure out parenting’, which can sometimes be a little difficult when you have junior high and high schoolers at your house all the time! :).  Michael pursued a master’s degree in an area that interested him and where he is very strong- Leadership- and now has an even better understanding of a subject that many church leaders struggle with.  

When I was a children’s minister, Michael served with me and my students (and children’s ministry was a much more scheduled time-frame!).  Each of us has always been a large part of the other’s personal ministry and we have always enjoyed working together.  It has been 6 years since I was in children’s ministry, and Michael continued to serve with annual retreats, summer camp, and occasional weekly events here and there up until just recently.  In fact, this is the first year in many that he hasn’t taught classes during summer camp (because it was one of the two weeks he was working for the other company).

A few years ago we felt prompted to begin working with students again in some capacity, and God brought that opportunity to us through personal mentoring.  We absolutely LOVE having some young people that we get to ‘hang out’ with, share our family with, hear about their lives, and have just a little input in to them, however small that may be.  We consider them GREAT FRIENDS and are thankful to God and them for that opportunity. 

It’s really no big surprise, then, that we feel strongly that God is calling Michael back in to personal ministry!  We don’t yet know what that will look like, or where it will be, but the desire to work with children or students on a regular basis, teaching, serving, setting up regular events, investing in their lives, inviting them in to ours, introducing them to our wonderful LOVING God, and walking beside them and their families as they walk out this Faith in everyday life.  In addition to that, God has given us this overwhelming passion for special needs, and in the capacity of a children/family/student pastoral role, it would be a wonderful opportunity for us as a family to reach out to others in whatever community we may be a part of in order to incorporate those families with children and people with special needs to bring them in to the Body of Christ!

Between the passion that both Michael and I have for children and youth, the background I have with an elementary degree and working in children’s ministry, our experiences starting 2 new ministries within our previous church, and Michael’s business and organizational training, along with the unique family God has given us and the current ages of our children, we look forward with anticipation and hope that we will find that ‘good fit’ in a church working with children, students, and families.

We are grateful for this ‘renewed vision’ and direction, and as we have been praying over jobs this last month, this feels like the “right place to land.”  Will we definitely seek only this employment? No.  Maybe God has something different first.  Many times in the past God has blessed us with a vision and a ‘wait’ at the same time.  We are thankful for God’s timing and will wait patiently on Him… as we pursue that which we feel He has called us to at the same time :)!

My Choice

If I could choose today to live my life any way I wanted to, without any concerns for what others think, without any fear of financial burdens, and without any past or future concerns to bog me down, this is what I would do…

I’d give every day from the time I wake until the time I sleep to serving God and loving others.

I’d find ways to bless instead of curse.

I’d pour in to the lives of the younger generation of girls and boys that are trying to find their way.

I’d look out for those that society looks down on, and make sure they know that they are loved… No, adored.

I’d love my family unconditionally, grow it by God’s calling, and love and serve my husband foremost, submitting to him as I do to Christ.

I’d show my children through life, word, and deed, what it means to live for something greater than themselves.

I’d start each day in prayer and end each day in prayer, and spend the day in constant conversation with God.

Then, I wonder… which of those things can I not do today?  Which of those things are made impossible by my concerns for what others think, my fear of financial burdens, my past or future concerns?  And why not decide right now that those things, are going to be me?  Right.  Now. 

End of School-- Beginning of School!

Just 4 1/2 days left of school for Kristopher this school year, and our home school year is going to end at the same time!  WOW, it has gone by quickly!!

As we finish off one year, we are getting ready to immediately jump in to another school year here at home, though.  Last year I started homeschooling for the current year in June.  I really liked doing it that way!!  This year we'll take a month off and in mid-June we'll start our 2013-2014 school year here at "Cornish University" (haha, no, it's not an actual incorporated school, just what I jokingly call our household school!  I'm the President and Educator, WOOT!!).

I'm excited to say that next year we'll be stretching our homeschool to include one more member of the family!  Kristopher will be joining us here at home for 4th grade!  He and I were talking in the car this morning and he's looking forward to the self-paced movement of homeschooling but will definitely miss all of the wonderful friends he's made in school this year.  He looks forward to staying in touch with them and will continue in the out of school activities that he's built wonderful relationships through (youth groups and karate!).  He'll be using the Accelerated Christian Education curriculum and is going through the testing process right now so that we start right where he is rather than ahead or behind where he needs to be.  It's been exciting to see how he's testing already, and we are glad for him to have this individualized path for school this year.  It's also a very independent-based learning which he does WELL with, and it will allow the flexibility we will all need to make life work together.

In addition to Kristopher using the ACE program, Brianna and Lynae will be using it for some subjects as well.  Both of the girls were able to take the online (free!) diagnostic testing and I was pleased to see that Brianna has tested through 90% of the first grade skills in math and reading, and that Lynae has as well!  I want to really solidify the skills and go back to work on those that they are missing (neither of the girls is reading well yet) so I plan to start both of them at the beginning of first grade in the ACE program.  Of course, their progress will be much more parent-directed than Kristopher's.  Lynae has informally done Kindergarten and now first grade with me as Brianna has homeschooled through those grades, and though she's turning 4 in September, we're letting her progress at her own pace.  We're regularly asked if she will go to school at some point, and to that we don't know!  She isn't eligible to even attend 4 yr old PreK for another year!

For our other 5 school-aged children, Aleksa and Emma will be 4th graders "by the books" and Wesley will be 2nd grade, James and Micah 1st grade (Brianna is also 2nd grade).  These grade levels mean very little to us, because we are teaching on their developmental levels.

It was asked in a homeschooling group about how to make your own IEP so you have something to measure goals by as you go throughout the year.  Though I don't do this "formally", I do have an informal way of doing it that I'd like to share so others might be able to glean whatever they may be able to off of it to use for themselves.

In determining goals, I  look at what I want my child to accomplish in 1, 3, 5, and 10 years and as an adult. Consider what skills are needed to make those things happen.

For some of my children, my 5-10 year goals include independence in ADL (activities of daily living) and following a "list" of directions. For instance being able to have a list (picture or written, depending on the child's current perceived future goal, though I work on reading with ALL of them, some are more likely to be competent readers than others at this time) of activities for them to do in the morning. Wake up, look at your list. Go to the bathroom, start a timer for 10 minutes and get in the shower, get dressed, make and eat breakfast, put dishes in the dishwasher, take their sheets off their bed and start the washing machine, then start a 30 minute timer to play on the iPad before their day gets moving with whatever is on the schedule for that day.  (Or whatever that day's chore/routine needed to look like.  Following a list allows for change without remembering what happens which day that makes them different!).

This amount of independence I desire for my kids, and I am working on all the "little things" that they can accomplish with it now. I'm working on setting timers and being able to complete a task in that time. Working on toileting, dressing, buttons and snaps and putting on socks and shoes. Working on pouring cereal and milk. Reading, following a list. Doing a task to completion. Coming back to me for a next direction rather than finishing a task and going to do something else. For toileting, once trained, work on the entire process. Tearing toilet paper off the roll, washing hands, following the entire routine without assistance. Showering, prompted steps through the body to wash, which means they know their body parts. Tooth brushing and OT skills to hold firmly and move the hand around to get the toothbrush everywhere...

Then there are academic goals, which for me focus on whole life as well. Counting, recognizing numbers, 1:1 correspondence, skip counting so that eventually we'll get to money. I want them to be able to go in to a store and make purchases off a list and pay for it, knowing how much is within the amount they have and how to do it independently.

I want the kids to be able to and WANT to read for enjoyment, though some of mine are so significantly delayed that I'm not sure if that's realistic. So, in the mean time to teach that, we use Leapfrog TAG books and teach the turning of pages, following the directions of the page turning, and that type of skills that go with reading, so that they can still enjoy this type of activity whether or not they read.

I could go on and on, but I suggest to anyone wanting to set these type of goals for their homeschooler (or to give this type of input in to your child's school IEP!) you look at these types of things YOU want your child to do and work on the things that will eventually get them there. If you want a list of NOW skills, write them as formally or informally as you'd like to. There's also an old book (out of print) that a friend of mine showed me that's called Luke's List. Two books, actually, One is Luke's School List and one is Luke's Life List. Each goes through the developmental steps to attaining final goals and it's a very comprehensive book. I don't know if there's anything more current that lists it out, however developmental milestone lists would be a starting point to know "what naturally comes next" to work on those emerging skills.

We are looking forward to the new school year, the newness of having Kristopher home and beginning new curriculum with some of the kids!

God’s new direction for our family

We have loved being a part of our church for the last 12 years.  At this time the last of our children with special needs have outgrown the nursery services which worked all right for their various needs. We've approached the church leadership about starting a special needs ministry since three of our boys and Emma (who regularly ends up in the hallway half way through church) won't be appropriate to be in children's church (Aleksa we have never tried it with). Leadership has let us know that they are not going to start any ministry for special needs children.

God has made it clear to us that we need to be a part of a church that all of our children have a future in.

They need, right now, to be a part of an appropriate Sunday morning program, and in an environment that our kids with special needs will have the capacity to grow and learn in alongside their typical peers, and where needed, more individually.

We recognize that every person, every child, has a soul and that our children with special needs' souls need to be fed and ministered to just as much as our "typical" children. All of our children need to know that they are of infinite value and worth within God's Kingdom, and in the Church.

Because of this, we are looking for another church to attend as a family.

Due to the nature of Michael's job at the church, he cannot continue to be employed by them if he doesn't maintain active membership. Because of our strong family convictions and the inability for our family to incorporate further in to the church as a family, Michael will be resigning from his position at the church.

We trust that God has a great plan for our family and look forward to where He has us to be. We appreciate your prayers and petitions to the Throne on our behalf. We also appreciate any "earthly" help you may provide if you'd be interested in being a part of this journey and assisting in bringing any potential IT, marketing/graphic design, and business related jobs to our attention. We are willing to relocate if that's God's plan.

Thank you for your prayers, and we walk forward with Hope and Knowledge of a Loving Savior.


Keep reading... http://cornishadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2013/05/more-thoughts-on-change.html

More thoughts on change

I am publishing this one minute before the post that preceeds it so you will read the previous post first... So the post that explains what this is about is above it on my blog feed. But yes, it is backward if you are reading it on an RSS or email. Hang on. In one minute it will make sense. :)

Let me take a minute to share with you our heart in all of this.  I believe there are four groups of people that will be processing this differently. 

The first group: NON-BELIEVERS.  Those that look at this situation and think “this is why I don’t believe.”  I hope you will realize two things.  1- we don’t follow MAN, we follow GOD.  2- not all men have the same convictions, and the Bible isn’t always 100% clear in everything.  See the 3rd group below for more on that.

The second group: BELIEVERS who think we are crazy.  Yes, we have a large family, adopted kids, special needs kids, and we homeschool.  Any one of those groups leads us to have people that disagree with us.  We are used to it.  We are ok with that.  We are responsible to God and ONLY God, and in that we know there will be plenty of people that disagree with us… even believers :).

The third group:  BELIEVERS who think that there is a problem in the church.  We struggle with this because of our own convictions, and I recognize that many of the people that read this will have similar convictions.  Here is where I am trusting the Lord and knowing that He has great plans in this.  Not everyone’s convictions are the same.  There are some things that are VERY clear in the Bible.  I believe there IS ABSOLUTE TRUTH.  There are also other topics in the Bible that require us to go with the promptings of the Holy Spirit.  Not to stir up trouble, but this would be an example of where people’s convictions differ: Drinking wine.  Jesus performed a miracle to create wine from water.  But then it says not to lend yourself to drunkenness.  Some would say don’t ever drink so there’s not temptation.  Others would say drink and don’t be drunk… it differs.  Churches take a stand on it.  People take a stand on it.  Yet, it isn’t a piece of ABSOLUTE truth.  I believe that this topic falls in to the category of convictions.  I strongly believe, and God is working on my heart to trust Him in it, that the Holy Spirit is the one to CONVICT, and that is absolutely not my job.

The fourth group: BELIEVERS who know that God moves in mysterious ways, and we are following Him.  If this situation had not come about, we would continue to be firmly planted.  Now, we know that God is moving us, without a doubt, in to a new season.

We walk in to this new season with NO BITTERNESS or ANGER or DISLIKE toward our church for their actions.  We are sad, yes.  But that is because of the things that right now feel like losses, not because of the absence of a ‘program’.  It is because of the community that we have been a part of that we are stepping away from due to our own convictions.

I hope and pray that your heart will understand these decisions and that if you struggle with the decisions of our church, the Lord will pierce your heart with understanding and you will recognize that we are following a great and wonderful God and not man.  HE IS SOVERIEGN.  :)

Special Needs in Church

Putting it all in one place...

Here are the four articles I've written on special needs and the church in the last few months :).

The Special Needs Soul (guest posted on Gillian Marchenko's blog)

When God's Gifts Look Like Limitations: My Plea To The Church

When God's Gifts Look Like Limitations PART TWO: My Plea To Families Of Children With Special Needs

When God's Gifts Look Like Limitations PART THREE: From The Families

Post from the past: Emma

Emma is our sweetheart with Down syndrome, Autism, and mild cerebral palsy.  She lived in a Ukrainian orphanage for 5 years after being given up at birth-- simply because she had Down syndrome.  Emma was 5 years old when she came to our home and she weighed only 17 lbs at that time.  She had the same heart defect as our biological daughter, Brianna, had, and because of that defect, we were told in April 2008 that Emma would not be a candidate for surgery due to the pressures in her lungs being so high.  There was very little chance that she could survive the surgery.

Here's the blog post that I wrote on April 11, 2008 about our sweet Emma.  Looking back, I can still feel that raw emotion, but also the spark of HOPE.  On August 4, 2008, Emma had her life saving surgery and on August 8th she came home from the hospital!  Our little miracle girl.  Here's a little post from the past about our Emma...

From April 11, 2008:

     
That little face deserves a second chance... and even a third!
The cardiology appointment went much as we expected yesterday.  Our local cardio agrees with the one that did the cath and says that the surgery could likely be fatal for Emma.  She said she sees the things that were discussed with us and agrees with all the findings.  She then stopped and LOOKED at Emma.  Didn't examine, didn't feel, didn't do anything medical.  She just LOOKED.  And Emma was sitting up on my lap looking right back.
Then she started to talk.  And it wasn't about her heart.  She said that the little girl we brought in there a month ago was spacey.  She didn't flinch at the doctor's touch or react much to anything.  Then the cardio leaned forward and Emma followed her in with her eyes.  They met.
Our cardio is of Indian (India-Indian) heritage and has been doing this for 30 years.  She has a lot of experience and is good at what she does.  She sees past the condition and sees the child.  Next she looked at me and said that God saved this child.  Emma's been through so much already and deserves a chance.  Let's talk about what happens if she doesn't have the repair.
She went on to describe the process of dying that would transpire.  I won't go into detail here but it wasn't a pleasant picture.  No picture of death is pretty, but still...
Our cardiologist has known us for 2 years now.  She's walked us through pre-op and post-op with Brianna.  She encouraged our needs and wants, she advised us, and she treated Brianna well.  Now she was looking at me and telling me the sweet things that many who have followed Emma's journey have said- she's a miracle, she's a blessing, let's get her fixed.
Although the risks related to the surgery are VERY high, there is no 'risk' in the alternative.  It is definitely an ending, a painful and long one that will begin soon.  If Emma is that small percent, if her strong will and God's hand pull her through, she can have a long, happy, healthy life. 
We will meet with the surgeon during his next clinic in Orlando.  He's the hand that held Brianna's heart.  We'll hear his opinion before we go any further.  I don't know what we will do after that.  So much depends on each doctor's input and outlook on her prognosis.  But we continue to stand on the HOPE that He gives us.  Not only that the surgery will happen and be a success, but that God's grace will surround us and will protect Emma no matter what decision is ultimately made for her. 
Pray for our girl, pray for Mike and I as we continue to search through everything and know the way God is leading for Emma.

God is reminding me how little faith we had.

God has been reminding me, today, how little faith we had when we prepared for our first adoption.  He knew that it took a LOT of us to commit to adopting any child from overseas… the expense, the time, the paperwork, and then the UNKNOWN, the health conditions, behavioral trouble… what were we stepping in to?



God knew we wouldn’t decide on our own to adopt a 5 yr old that weighed 17 lbs, needed open heart surgery which may or may not even be possible.  A child that lived her entire life in one crib and didn’t like to be touched or held or even looked at.  A little girl that chewed her hands raw, ate only broth from a bottle, and smelled like… well… death.

Instead He called us over to adoption with the idea of a healthy 5 yr old with Down syndrome that walked, talked some, and was generally in a pretty good disposition.  Our faith was stretched to get through the 5 month process for those ‘minimal’ needs!

God took our faith the size of a mustard seed, and walked us through the process and somehow He grew a TREE.  He brought home the sick little girl of the first description, the healthy little girl of the second description, and in the midst of all of that, added another 3 children through adoption and 2 more through birth! 

God knew our faith was small.  TINY.  Yet, He grew the tree that He had planned anyway!

Now, once again, I think my faith is looking like this:




Yes, that’s an actual mustard seed.

Is the faith of a mustard seed a GREAT faith?  Knowing that BIG things will be done even from its small small start?

Or is the faith of a mustard seed referring to faith the actual SIZE of the mustard seed? Tiny, miniscule, but still enough to make a TREE one day?

No matter how you see it, I want that faith.


The faith that can know that my own existence is miniscule.  My own reach is small.  But I know that I serve a God SO BIG that through Him, the impact can be great.  My faith can be multiplied.  Be used for His purpose.

We have a lot of changes happening in our home and family right now.  A lot of things that I can’t make completely public yet.  I see them as good change.  Through this time we’ve been given a greater vision and a stronger purpose for our family “mission”.  Change is still hard, though.  Just about every area of our lives is being touched by these impending changes, and we need that faith that knows that God is IN this.  God is LEADING this.  God knew this from the beginning.  And most of all, God has a plan for it all that will bring Him glory!!



As you think of our family, please lift us up in prayer.  We ask for God’s discernment, His timing, and His direction. 

((PS: No, we are not adopting again))

Happy World Down Syndrome Day!

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