Pictures Pictures Pictures!!

In no particular order… all taken yesterday… :)  Enjoy! 

 

 

Huge storm

And now... no power.  Pizza night for the Cornishes!

Our adoptions and adjustments...

I was asked by a prospective adoptive parent if I could share some about our older child adoptions of children with special needs.  She sent me a set of questions provided by her social worker and I sat down to reply.  My reply ended up being, most likely, much more than she was looking for initially!  But as it all flowed out, I felt that each piece, and each answer to the questions posed to me, held a significance with the different viewpoints from our different children.

So, as a way to both keep this information handy and to share it with others that may be considering adoption, I've decided to post it here.  Please keep in mind that although some of this info may seem random, I was working through a list of questions :)  Enjoy!

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I am Meredith Cornish, and my husband and I have now adopted 5 children, all with special needs.  Four of our children are from Ukraine and the fifth is from US foster care.  Our Ukrainian children were 18 months, 5, 6, and 8 at the time of their adoptions and our foster-adopt was 3 ½ when we got him.  We had three separate processes for the five children and very different experiences with each child.

Our first two children, Micah and Emma, have been home from UA for 3 years.  Both of them have Down syndrome and a history of severe neglect.  Micah was 11 pounds and in size 3 months sleepers when he came to us.  He had been sedated the first 18 months of life due to pneumonia, which we later found out was caused from aspiration.  Micah is now 4 ½ years old and is healthy and doing well.  He has very few behavioral issues within our home environment, though he can wrap a teacher around his finger and then decides he can do whatever he’d like to at times at school.  He is developing very slowly, cognitively, and has no words at this time.  It is unknown what type of sedatives he was on and whether the issues he is facing are a result of his time in an orphanage, from the medications, or whether it is simply a result of him having Down syndrome.  Regardless, he is a lively and happy little boy that aims to please and has a smile that will melt anyone’s heart!

Emma was 5 years old and suffered from severe neglect and abuse prior to her adoption.  She was 17 pounds and in dire need of open heart surgery.  Emma was constantly ill due to severely enlarged tonsils and immediately underwent a heart catheterization, tonsil and adenoid surgery, and eventually open heart surgery, all within the first 6 months home.  Emma quickly progressed, though she has permanent brain damage due to her heart not being repaired as an infant like it would have been in the US.  Emma had strokes and has Cerebral Palsy in addition to Down syndrome.  Emma spent the first 5 years laying on her back in a crib with little or no human interaction during her days.  She was fearful and did not like being held for long periods of time.  Emma would flinch when someone approached her quickly as a response to expectation of abuse.  She would cry for long periods of time, inconsolably, and grind her teeth constantly.  Emma was not social with our other children and tended to keep to herself most of the time.  Though Emma still does not walk independently, she is taking independent steps—something that all of our doctors and therapists said would never be possible for a child that was in the condition that she was in.  Emma had a ‘switch flip’ one day and determined to sign!  She began signing that day and now has a decent vocabulary which she can use to request food or drink, use appropriate social manners, and to make other requests as needed throughout her day.  Emma is a happy little girl that still keeps to herself a lot of the time, but engages when her siblings bring her in to what they are doing.  She is now a very calm child that doesn’t cry very often and adapts well to new experiences and environments.

James is our foster-adopt son and he has been home for one year.  James has Down syndrome and was also a preemie.  He was 3 ½ at the time of his adoption.  James is doing well, had a very secure bond with his foster mother that had cared for him since birth, and transferred that bond easily to us as his parents.  He is a goofy little guy with a sweet smile and a very outgoing personality.

Our most recent adoptions were Aleksa and Wesley.  They came home in December 2010 from Ukraine.  Aleksa has Down syndrome and is 8 ½ years old.  She spent 5 years in an orphanage and then 3 years in a mental institution before her adoption.  Aleksa has been the most difficult bonding process of any of our children and is also the oldest and most able-bodied child that we have adopted.  Aleksa has had many indications of difficult attachment and is very over-social with people that she doesn’t know.  For instance she will go up to a stranger and hug on them and put her arms up to be held.  We have taken great care to discourage this indiscriminate affection and to redirect to handshakes and high fives with strangers, even people that she is meeting for the first time that may be family friends.  Aleksa also has acted out by using toileting for attention (peeing herself when she is not getting the attention she wants) and by seeking negative attention by messing with her siblings.  We are fortunate that none of our children, including Aleksa, have exhibited any sexualized behavior, but we have taken precautions for all of our children in case we learn that they exist later on.  Aleksa will start school in August 2011 going just 2-3 days each week to get used to the idea of school while continuing to have her parents as the primary caregivers while she continues to adjust to life in a family.

Wesley is 6 years old and has spastic quadriplegic cerebral palsy and is visually impaired.  He is wheelchair bound and needed surgery on his hips and groin muscles soon after coming home.  He then spent 4 weeks in a Spica cast from his chest to knees, which, although uncomfortable, did aid in the bonding process due to his intense dependence on us as his caregivers during that time.  Wesley has shown that he recognizes us as important figures in his life and a preference towards us over strangers.  Wesley has overcome an intense fear of men in the last 6 months as well.  During his hospital stay he would cry every time he heard footsteps since, due to his vision difficulties, he couldn’t tell if the person was coming to his bed or our roommate.  Wesley has brought down his guard significantly and is showing signs of adjustment in his actions and behavior.  Unlike Aleksa, Wesley had a honeymoon period where he was very easy, wanted to be held all the time, but didn’t act out or disobey in any way.  He now is showing his comfort by testing boundaries and requiring positive and proactive discipline to help structure his days.

Due to the nature of our children’s special needs, they were allowed to be adopted in sets of 2 even though they were not siblings.  None of our children had interacted with one another before our adoption of them, but all of them have done very well adjusting to their ‘partner’ in adoption as well as to our other children.  We have 8 children total including three biological children: a 20 month old daughter and 7 year old son that are typically developing and our 5 yr old daughter with Down syndrome.

Our children at home have readily welcomed each new member of the family.  At the time of our first adoption, our biological children were 2 and 4 years old and we adopted a 5 and 18 month old.  Brianna, our then two year old with Ds, loves babies and took to her new siblings as such, even though Emma is 3 years older.  Due to Emma’s physical condition, she did not sit unsupported and could not hold her head up.  Although this disrupted actual birth order, the developmental levels of our two biological children stayed as the ‘older’ siblings.  With our second adoption, James, our children were 7, 6, 4, and 3 1/2, as well as a 4 month old baby and James was 3 1/2 as well.  Our infant daughter didn’t know to be upset by birth order changes J.  James and Micah are “pseudo twins” or “false twins” due to their 1 month age difference.  The two boys are VERY different and aside from being ‘clumped’ together in some ways due to their developmental similarities, it has not been an issue for either of them to have a sibling so close in age.  The two boys and Brianna are all within 8 months of one another and attended the same preschool class last year.  They had a blast together!

Our third adoption of Aleksa and Wesley has disrupted the birth order more, but the natural “oldest” child, our typical 7 yr old, Kristopher, is still very much developmentally the oldest and he is also the biggest of our children.  When someone asks if he is the oldest, he naturally answers “no, but I’m the biggest.”  To him, that is still keeping his ‘birthright’ as the first child and oldest.  He has had more sibling rivalry with Aleksa than any other siblings, but that is natural since she is also big enough to get in to his toys and his space, whereas none of our other children have been walking even at the time of their adoption.  Lynae has a very close bond with Aleksa and Wesley since the two of them have been home with Lynae (bio 20 month old, typical) during the day while the other children attended school the first 4-5 months home.  All of our children play well together, fight like siblings, and love on each other at the end of the day.  Kristopher asks us regularly when we will go bring home more children that don’t have parents.  His heart is in the right place, and sharing his parents has not been a concern.  Though, we do sometimes wonder if he’s just looking for someone else to be in his ‘classroom’ where he likes to pretend he’s a teacher with his siblings J.

Since our adoptions we have learned of a resource for children with significant medical needs called Children’s Medical Services in Florida.  It has been very helpful to coordinate our services through them to have all our physician appointments in one place for the children.  The physicians accept our insurance through the program and waive any copays that may need to be paid.  Different programs exist in different states, and many are need-based.

Educationally, I have the benefit of having received my bachelor’s degree in elementary education before having children, so the knowledge of what laws protect special needs children is all fairly fresh still.  I recently attended a Wright’s Law conference to better educate myself as an advocate for my children and we have had several “battles” with the school system to properly accommodate each of our children’s diverse needs. 

I am grateful for my deep faith and that of my husband as well, because there have been many difficult times during the adoption processes where we have struggled emotionally and financially.  Through it all, we know that God brought us to each of our children with a purpose and that He has laid out His plans for us to raise them up.

A little ‘something’ that I’d like to pass along is that in faith, it’s said that “God never gives someone more than they can handle.”  Through adoption, especially older child special needs adoption and parenting a large family, we have learned that there are a few words missing in that statement.  It really should read “God never gives you more than you can handle with Him.”  Because with Christ, all things are possible, and God knows the plans that He has for us… plans to prosper us and not to harm us.  Plans to give us hope and a future.  And that’s exactly what God is using us to fulfill in the lives of our children as well… hope… and a future.

May God bless you on your adoption journey, and if I can assist further please don’t hesitate to contact me by email at MeredithCornish@gmail.com or by phone at **********.

Blessings,

Meredith Cornish

Blessed to be a 29 year old mother of 8 through the gift of birth and adoption

One on One time!

Someone recently asked me how we find time to spend 1:1 time with each of the kids since there are a lot of them and only 2 of us.

In general, we always make a point of sitting with each child throughout the day and evening, playing a game with them or just snuggling up on the couch.  Having them tell us about their day, or telling them about something exciting coming up.  We intentionally take "a kid or two" with us whenever we run errands if we don't have to take everyone, and that way we have some time with those children and the other parent with the others.  All in all, it works out really well for us!!

That said, at the beginning of the summer we asked ourselves how we could be more intentional about spending more individual time with the kids since they've got more time available while out of school.  Our answer was a "kids' date night"!  Though I know many people that have set up 'date' nights with their kids, we were again needing to be a little more creative due to the number of children we have.  Taking one kid out each week still would mean that over the course of 8 weeks each kid only got one 'date' night out.  So we called in reinforcements!

We are very blessed to have four grandparents living just minutes away as well as some aunts and uncles and numerous 'pseudo family' that we knew would agree and enjoy pitching in!  Tonight is now the first night of "kids' date night"!

Tonight the oldest two girls will go with Michael's parents, the oldest two boys with my parents, the next two younger will go with me, and the youngest two will go with Michael!  Each of the kids will spend from about 4-7 with their 'date', which for the two sets going with grandparents, means literal 1:1 time, whereas the ones with Michael or myself will be 2:1, but still, very much able to spend focused time with THEM. :)

It looks like it'll be every 2 weeks throughout the summer that we'll do these date nights for the kids, and by the end of the summer all the kids will have had 4 date nights, one with each set of grandparents and one with each Michael or I.  Of course that's in addition to the regular time we spend with them all the time :).  I hope it builds some lasting memories for all of us and the kids as well.

If this really works out well, we will consider going in to the school year with it and calling in other family or pseudo family for weeks when one of the 'regulars' isn't available.

In addition to kids' date nights and regular errands and daily time spent together, Michael and I are always looking for opportunities that are good for any one or two or three or... eight! of the kids that they would enjoy taking part in.  When I decided to go visit with my sister, there was a lot that went in to deciding to "just take off" but the timing was right and I really needed to do it then.  I was originally planning on going alone, but realized that although I'd love the time with just Elizabeth, Lynae would be able to come for free.  Hmm... and if Lynae was coming, then having Brianna come along since they play so well together sounded like a decent idea.  Ticket prices were GOOD, so... we made sacrifices in other areas to make it work.  Why those two?  Because, quite simply, they are the two that adapt most easily to different places and would allow me to still enjoy the time with Elizabeth.  I also knew I could deal with both of them on a plane (four, actually), and they would enjoy what Elizabeth and I would do while we visited.

In the next couple of weeks, Michael and Kristopher are going to try to have a guy's get-away.  Kristopher has done GREAT with all the transitions, but he's our 'current kid' that's probably been through the most adjustments with the adoption.  There's now another very able-bodied child that is technically older than him who is impeding on his space, his toys, and his place in the family.  He's doing great, and knows that she's not replacing him or anything else... BUT, it will be a good thing for him to have some individual time with his daddy, too!

In order to do little get-aways with the kids we definitely save up for a long time ahead of time, and we sacrifice in other areas to be able to do it.  It's a blessing to have the opportunity to do these things with our kids, though, and they create a much needed atmosphere within our home, within each of our children, and memories that will last a lifetime for all of us :)

Wow, now, what do you think of that?

"Currently, the number of Christian church congregations in America outnumbers children who are waiting to be adopted from U.S. foster care by about a 3 to 1 ratio. This means that if each congregation adopted even one child, there would be no orphans in America. God has given His church the charge to care for the oppressed, the poor, and the orphan.  These statistics yield disturbing evidence that the church, as a whole, has not heeded His Word on this issue. Currently, the government is raising the fatherless, though the church was given the mandate." -Kinsey Thurlow (Orphan Justice Project)


For more on this topic, and to read the entire article titled "Is the church ready for the abortion law to change?" click the link below.  Good stuff.  Thoughtful stuff.   What will YOU do?  What will YOUR CHURCH do?
http://orphanjusticecenter.com/2011/06/11/is-the-church-ready-for-the-abortion-law-to-change/

It is time...

Yesterday I resigned from the Reece's Rainbow Board of Directors.

Some of you are probably thinking... didn't you do that in September?? :)  Nope.

In September I stopped working as the Ukraine Program Coordinator, a 30+ hour volunteer job that I simply didn't feel equipped to do after adding one (ha, little did I know then that it would be two!) more child to the family.  I have continued the last 6 months on the RR Board of Directors as I had promised at the time that I officially transitioned off in the end of October.  Now, I feel like it's time for me to step down and seek the next ministry that God has for our family.

I love that God always creates perfect timing...

• I didn't really think about my "promised 6 months" until after I'd actually "officially" resigned by speaking with Andrea then sending her my letter of resignation.  But it ends up that I served more than that 6 months anyway.
• As with any ministry or business, there have been times over the last year that I aven't quite seen eye to eye with some of the other leadership of Reece's Rainbow.  It's nothing  that can be avoided when dealing with different unique viewpoints and with international adoption-- with diverse cultures and different perspectives on any given situation.  I am very pleased to be at a point of not just peace, but renewed friendship with anyone that I've ministered with at Reece's Rainbow who I have previously clashed with.  I'm not a person that likes conflict, and I especially don't like to "run" from conflict.  I'm very glad to have peace in resigning now.
• In the last weeks I've remembered something about myself while taking a more active role in the forum changeover with RR.  I remembered what it felt like to be an active and 'necessary' member of a team. In this realization, I also recognized a trait that I believe RR helped me learn about myself in regard to where I minister.  That is, that God tends to put me into places where the gifts and talents that He has given me can be used in a unique way to serve as a necessary part of a whole.  In other words, when there are 100 people able to do what I do and share the perspective that I have, then that's not the area that God has me to be.  YES, being a part of a TEAM is very important!  And if 100 or 200 people are needed to do that task, then absolutely it is important to be there and active.  Within the RR leadership I am glad to say that there are MANY people that now share the perspective I have as an adoptive parent and the team that God raised up within the other areas I've worked (such as tech support, graphic design, and the Ukraine program).  I am SO GRATEFUL that God has brought other leaders in to Reece's Rainbow!  I know that it is time for me to find the next area that He has for me to minister in.
• I want to make sure to be very clear in saying that there is nothing happening now, nothing that happened previously, and nothing that I can see coming that has caused me to step down from my role with Reece's Rainbow.  I am very glad to be stepping down from my position in a position of true peaceful release.

All in all, I am very glad to be at a place of peace in stepping back more fully from Reece's Rainbow and opening up to the opportunities that God is already (hours after my draft of my resignation letter was written) begun to present to Michael and I!

That little 'hint' from God?  Well, we had two men from Kenya, whom Michael has traveled and ministered with in the past, sitting on our couch today.  Let's see where God's going with that :).

A great article about Special Needs Trusts!

If you've ever thought about a special needs trust but aren't quite sure what they mean or why you'd want one, please take just a minute to read through this very brief, but very GOOD article that explains them!

http://www.dailynewstranscript.com/opinions/x1595579876/Five-facts-you-should-know-about-special-needs-trusts#axzz1Ode1iIYO

Last pictures from Philly

Friday at the zoo

Friday in the pool

Time for blogging...

I often find that's the hardest thing to do.  Find the TIME for blogging!

I've been thinking about recording several different things for a while now, and it's well past time for me to write them down!

• We're having a great summer, first of all! :)  I've had a great young lady from church that we're having come help a little during the week.  Katie has been Micah and James' Sunday school teacher for the last year and now will have Lynae.  Katie came on Friday and we all went to the zoo!  After the zoo, Lynae napped while the other seven kids headed out back to the kiddie pool.  When everyone was settled and enjoying the pool... I escaped!  For the first time in many months at home, I made dinner completely by myself!!
• On Saturday I headed over to St. Petersburg for a Wright's Law conference.  It was a great conference because I received books which will help me to navigate the special ed laws, and more so because they are now highlighted so that I know where to look for the more 'important' stuff.  Unfortunately, I really felt like the conference took about twice as long as would be necessary to do that... and the rest of the time was about Pete Wright himself.  Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy and has a lot of accomplishments... and I'm glad to get to know him a little during the conference.  But... I also would have loved for it to have been about 3 hours shorter too!!!  I left home at 5am and got home at 10pm (after a LOVELY dinner with two friends!  :) ).
• On Saturday as I drove to St. Petersburg (about 2.5 hours), I was burdened by two things.  One, was an overwhelming brokenness for my adopted children, and children just like them that have no families... no knowledge outside the life in a facility... and no one to count on to be there the next day.  I needed this... God knew I REALLY needed it.  Because adoption isn't easy.  And, in fact, one of our children in particular is very difficult.  There's really no secret who she is, since she is new to us and came from a mental institution and has zero concept of love, family, or social expectations.  I needed that refresher.  That burdening, that brokenness.  I needed a reminder of how far she's come in 5 months!  The second thing I was burdened for was my CRAVING for the Word.  The Bible.  In my brokenness over the orphan, I recognized one of the reasons that our transition is so difficult.  One of the reasons that *I* am having as hard of a time dealing with Aleksa's behaviors... not just her dealing with her new life.  That reason is that in the busyness of the day, of managing life with 8 kids and figuring out what our 'new normal' is over the last 5 months, I haven't had nearly enough time in the Bible to refresh my spirit and to let God work in me.  That's gonna change.
• Today was church.  I missed church last week while I was visiting Elizabeth and I think that's part of the burdening that I had yesterday.  But today we were able to go with Aleksa and Wesley (we don't leave them in children's programs still) in to the worship service and openly worship our God!  Michael went in to church early to prepare for a class he's teaching at our church summer program, "CHAOS" next week and he brought Kristopher with him.  I had the other 7 kids at home and brought them all up to the church.  Walking through the parking lot with two wheelchairs, James and Micah holding hands with Micah holding both the wheelchair and James' hand, Lynae and Brianna holding hands, but with Brianna staring at her shoes to carefully make every step... walking behind me...  Well, we made it from the car to the gym building and Michael met us there on his way out to help.  I decided that was another 'recordable feat' in my book of things that I've "survived" as a mom of many little ones :)  Generally I'd have a large stroller or something like that when navigating with everyone, but when the kids all go different directions within the church, I don't have that option!
• Tonight we had a quick gathering with a few other moms and we all had a nice time.  All I can share is that if you attend Park Avenue and you're not sure if you'll be at church this Father's Day... You won't want to miss it!! :)
• Also, I made an 'ice vest' for James!  I used an "OP" brand 2-piece swimsuit and flotation shirt and used only the shirt.  I slit each of the 4 foam compartments and removed 2 of the 3 thin foam inserts.  I replaced them with 4 ice packs.  It has sleeves, 50 SPF, and a zipper up the front.  I'm not sure how long it will stay cool, but since I forgot to bring it to the zoo (OOPS!), we put water on James constantly while at the zoo and he stayed fine.  After, we put it on James while playing in the kiddie pool since we were still outside.  I think he liked it! :)  We kept a tank top on under it so there weren't scratchy parts of plastic from the ice packs up against his skin.  He did great with it on and didn't seem to mind it at all!  Total cost: $25.
• We had tried the ice vest once before, and James liked it then as well.  That made us consider a weighted vest for daytime use.  We did a little research, and finally decided to just make our own vest for him!  I bought two identical (clearance $4) button up long sleeved collared shirts at Target.  One shirt I cut the collar, buttons, and sleeves off of.  That one is the lining.  The second I sewed a zipper on (from the inside) the chest panels on each side.  When it's finished, the zipper will close the flap that a weighted (adult ankle weight) pack will slide in to.  The sleeves can be rolled!  Hopefully James will like it and maybe he'll even 'calm' a little with it...  And if not, it was about $20 to make.  
• Today I took a big step.  One that I've been praying about for a while.  One that I believe God has brought about the timing for.  I consider myself blessed to have a rejuvenated friendship which allowed today's decision.  More on that in the future.  For now, I rest, contented, knowing that God has been at work on my heart.

OOPS!

Tomorrow morning, 8am, Wright's Law Conference in St. Petersburg!!

I TOTALLY FORGOT!

Now, I'm ready for sleep so I can go!  Looking forward to it :)

Since you all had so many quick ideas about the pincer grasp

I thought I'd throw this one out there as well.

What are some simple, high calorie, non-pediasure (he hates the taste and refuses anything with it in it) ways to get extra calories in to Wesley?  We have some ideas already, due to having lots of other kids with the weight gain issue... BUT... his dislike of Pediasure puts a bit of a kink in things!  I ordered a different flavor and we'll try that as well as any other supplement we think of.  We do smoothies as we can, etc.  I've heard avocado's are great, but have NO idea what to DO with an avocado! LOL

So... any good recipes or tricks that don't involved Pediasure??

For those who DO use Pediasure, we've used it as a 'base' for mashed potatoes, instead of milk in recipes, we use it in smoothies instead of milk or water, we've frozen it and crushed it for an icey treat... and yet... this is all lost on Wesley because he only took Pediasure a few times before he decided he REALLY doesn't like it!

Thanks!

pincer grasp

So... thoughts on working on the pincer grasp? Especially for eating??  I'm tired of full fisted eating and the mess that ensues, and I know that's a very important OT skill.  We have a few things we're working on for it, but I'm always open to suggestions!  Anyone? :)