tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18550665931613690562024-03-13T14:25:34.439-04:00Cornish Adoption JourneyThe Cornish Family... Chasing God's calling...Meredithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974293935380325338noreply@blogger.comBlogger2295125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855066593161369056.post-27689260755597373562020-12-06T23:28:00.002-05:002020-12-06T23:28:39.393-05:00Trauma<p> <span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">Trauma Parenting.</span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-09128858-7fff-30fd-4384-1c56a9064747"><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A year and some ago, as I led a training for families interested in helping foster families within our church (no, we don’t foster, I just volunteer with this ministry), I heard the video once again say that kids who have experienced trauma have different needs than a child who has not experienced trauma may have. They’re all “just kids” but there are certain things to think about when caring for or babysitting for a child who has come from a history of trauma.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It got my mind going, and I had to set that down to finish the training, but when I got home it all resurfaced.I wrote this out that night, and I only shared it with a small group of families like ours. I came back across it and I think there are more than that small circle that need to hear about trauma. About what it is like to be a family who has a child that has experienced trauma.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Trauma dictates how we go out. It dictates what activities we decide to do and which we do not. Trauma comes in to every decision making process we have in our home. How we do birthdays, how we handle activities, how we attend events, how we attend church, how we… and so, I wrote it down. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8QtRiSPr3sh8sIMr6sLKbJAIbnfx1_sXWrmCS8h3TltMG5-HKOotyDZiPPY6mcXHEz8nxsgwT7rFzW1zd4EgdLvfyboI8OaFOaxUEg93gfoxdYOAmPYyKE75BbIlRDDz8jAz3vdz5XbU/s1520/Childhood-trauma-Web.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1000" data-original-width="1520" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8QtRiSPr3sh8sIMr6sLKbJAIbnfx1_sXWrmCS8h3TltMG5-HKOotyDZiPPY6mcXHEz8nxsgwT7rFzW1zd4EgdLvfyboI8OaFOaxUEg93gfoxdYOAmPYyKE75BbIlRDDz8jAz3vdz5XbU/s320/Childhood-trauma-Web.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">How parenting kids from a history of trauma affects our lives:</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-dictates how we go out and when we need to stay home</span><p></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-dictates what activities or events we do and which we pass on, and the entire ‘mood’ of the outing oftentimes</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-affects how we handle discipline inside and outside of the home</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-determines what birthday celebrations we have for those children, and how we handle birthdays for others, to some extent</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-affects whether or not the affected kids can take part in extracurriculars, and of what types</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-affects how we attend church, when we can attend church, and often times the entire experience while there when we attend</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-affects every holiday celebration in our home</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-affects how we have bedrooms set up</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-affects how we handle company that comes by for a few minutes (seriously, even the UPS guy)</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-affects how we handle company that are coming for several hours of time but only on occasion</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-affects how we handle company that come for holidays or special occasions, especially for multiple days</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-affects how we can interact with company that comes or plans to come on a fairly regular basis but doesn’t yet know the affected kids well</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-affects how we wake up in the morning</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-affects how we go to bed at night and what types of monitoring needs to be used between bed time and morning to keep everyone safe</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-determines what level of “letting our guard down” is really possible in a day</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-affects our eating schedule, making sure it doesn’t stray far enough to cause issues</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-affects how much supervision we have to provide in which activities</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-affects how we respond to specific behaviors that can cause escalation</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-affects how we stand, talk, what tone we use, and what protective stances we have in place when escalation occurs</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Trauma affects EVERY aspect of our lives. We don’t just parent a child who has a history of trauma. We learn how to live with the elements of trauma years later that continue to bring us to our knees and pray that Jesus heal their hearts and minds.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Trauma is life changing, physically brain altering, and it is not something that just “goes away” from love and supervision and consistency. Trauma is hard. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Adoption is still worth it.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Flipping the coin- which is a bigger sacrifice? To live with a child who triggers from trauma and sometimes goes right off the deep end with raging and things that seem crazy, or to know that that same child is living in filth and dysregulation and hunger across the world, unloved and lonely because we decided it wasn’t worth it to us to give up some of ourselves to help him or her? Everybody deserves a family. Everybody has hope. Recovering from trauma isn't easy, but the process of recovery will never go anywhere if noone ever allows themselves to be affected in order to help another person heal.
To my trauma kids: You are worthy. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To my trauma mommas and daddies: You are valued. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To those who support the families in the trenches: You are needed. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I think it is always good to remember that God is good, even in the hard stuff.</span></span></p><br /></span>Meredithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974293935380325338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855066593161369056.post-60983386847085743102020-12-03T23:14:00.000-05:002020-12-03T23:14:08.042-05:00TEN years ago we became a family of TEN! <p><span style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">On Dec 02, 2010, we adopted Wesley in a court in Ukraine. A few days prior, on November 28, we adopted Aleksa at a different court in a different region of Ukraine! Just prior... We adopted James on September 1, 2010! He was in our home for just over 3 months before that as a foster placement with the intention of adoption. </span></p><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">When we look back at life in 2010 it was a WILD year. Lynae was born in September of 2009, so her year of infancy happened at the same time that God brought James to our family through foster care adoption. At the same time I was working (as a volunteer) with an adoption ministry running their Ukraine program and advocating for special needs adoption, as well as helping independent adoptive parents to complete their paperwork in a correct and timely manner. When Wesley came across our computers and a grant was given to him to find a family since he was in urgent need of adoption (he was already supposed to be transferred to an institution and had been sheltered for a time to keep him from transfer), we spent a week in prayer and then Mike said "that's us. Let's go." </div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">What a busy year, a bit of a blur, really. I left for that trip a week and a half after Lynae turned a year old, and then went to adopt Wesley... and then Aleksa as well... about 6 weeks later. We missed our homecoming at Christmas and <span style="font-family: inherit;"><a class="oajrlxb2 g5ia77u1 qu0x051f esr5mh6w e9989ue4 r7d6kgcz rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 nc684nl6 p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of lzcic4wl q66pz984 gpro0wi8 b1v8xokw" href="https://www.facebook.com/christine.harm.75?__cft__[0]=AZXXPyiDYfegFvkdbzInKd-69wLnuADNDGRmF6MnYNXSpI6BnyxKrnTa-PFJcIY4T4QXDT-bXZ25bA95yDYOp0_z9c9N6d2VGkHzkCFzcqLjgg&__tn__=-]K-R" role="link" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; background-color: transparent; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; border-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; cursor: pointer; display: inline; font-family: inherit; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-align: inherit; text-decoration-line: none; touch-action: manipulation;" tabindex="0"><div class="nc684nl6" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">Christine Harm</div></a></span> (she went with me for almost a month to help me bring the kids home!) and I ended up celebrating in Ukraine, then came home on December 30th with our new arrivals. </div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">As I look back on 'memories' of today, exactly a year later, in 2011, I was traveling home from Bulgaria with <span style="font-family: inherit;"><a class="oajrlxb2 g5ia77u1 qu0x051f esr5mh6w e9989ue4 r7d6kgcz rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 nc684nl6 p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of lzcic4wl q66pz984 gpro0wi8 b1v8xokw" href="https://www.facebook.com/shele337?__cft__[0]=AZXXPyiDYfegFvkdbzInKd-69wLnuADNDGRmF6MnYNXSpI6BnyxKrnTa-PFJcIY4T4QXDT-bXZ25bA95yDYOp0_z9c9N6d2VGkHzkCFzcqLjgg&__tn__=-]K-R" role="link" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; background-color: transparent; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; border-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; cursor: pointer; display: inline; font-family: inherit; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-align: inherit; text-decoration-line: none; touch-action: manipulation;" tabindex="0"><div class="nc684nl6" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">Shelley Bedford</div></a></span> when helping her bring her new daughter home! Although we have a child from Bulgaria, this trip with Shelley was my only experience traveling there since our son was already in the USA before he came into our lives. It was definitely a special trip and opportunity to see his country (which of course we didn't even know about him for 2.5 years after this trip), and to be able to do some missions outreach in Bulgaria as well. That was my last trip across the big pond! It's hard to believe it has been 9 years...</div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">As a little fun side note, I found out on that Bulgaria trip that I was pregnant with Delaina, too <span class="pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvhab nvdbi5me sf5mxxl7 gl3lb2sf hhz5lgdu" style="display: inline-flex; font-family: inherit; height: 16px; margin: 0px 1px; vertical-align: middle; width: 16px;"><img alt="🙂" height="16" src="https://static.xx.fbcdn.net/images/emoji.php/v9/ta5/1.5/16/1f642.png" style="border: 0px;" width="16" /></span> . She is my only biological child that traveled to Eastern Europe! She was only big enough to make me sick enough to know I was pregnant withough needing a pregnancy test on our long flights home, though! Ha! When we traveled, <span style="font-family: inherit;"><a class="oajrlxb2 g5ia77u1 qu0x051f esr5mh6w e9989ue4 r7d6kgcz rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 nc684nl6 p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of lzcic4wl q66pz984 gpro0wi8 b1v8xokw" href="https://www.facebook.com/thisisraerae?__cft__[0]=AZXXPyiDYfegFvkdbzInKd-69wLnuADNDGRmF6MnYNXSpI6BnyxKrnTa-PFJcIY4T4QXDT-bXZ25bA95yDYOp0_z9c9N6d2VGkHzkCFzcqLjgg&__tn__=-]K-R" role="link" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; background-color: transparent; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; border-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; cursor: pointer; display: inline; font-family: inherit; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-align: inherit; text-decoration-line: none; touch-action: manipulation;" tabindex="0"><div class="nc684nl6" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">Rachel Davis</div></a></span>'s husband and mother in law were with us for a leg of the journey, bringing their son Jordan home, and their mom kept telling me I must be pregnant. I was in some serious denial! </div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">We have come a long way since picking up those two little ones in Ukraine in 2010. We've gone from a family of 10 to a family of 16, by adopting 2 more times and having 4 more biological kids. We moved from our "lifetime" home of central Florida to northern Georgia. Our lives have a whole lot more medical involvement now than they did before. We had ZERO g-tubes in early 2010, then James joined our family and eventually Wesley got a gtube, and now of course we have Nya with her gtube but also a trach, ventilator, and occasionally O2 needs. James also has home oxygen, and Wesley developed epilepsy almost 6 years ago now. </div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Just a little reminiscing <span class="pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvhab nvdbi5me sf5mxxl7 gl3lb2sf hhz5lgdu" style="display: inline-flex; font-family: inherit; height: 16px; margin: 0px 1px; vertical-align: middle; width: 16px;"><img alt="🙂" height="16" src="https://static.xx.fbcdn.net/images/emoji.php/v9/ta5/1.5/16/1f642.png" style="border: 0px;" width="16" /></span> Here's a throwback picture to December 2010 and a picture from October 2020 from Aleksa's 18th birthday!</div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCXGFOpkmRY6RVAC_t6LggBPfM-up5A_hWzs6odEdMhTKjy0gEcg65F6eUhNoWxXgVlZK1szXEDMQ_hbOb5n8_wfCihUjQi7iMTn0mYtsED8BkPv0oRQDCfFLnHhMqpBnxm44wdcpWtRg/s448/family+2010.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="448" data-original-width="433" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCXGFOpkmRY6RVAC_t6LggBPfM-up5A_hWzs6odEdMhTKjy0gEcg65F6eUhNoWxXgVlZK1szXEDMQ_hbOb5n8_wfCihUjQi7iMTn0mYtsED8BkPv0oRQDCfFLnHhMqpBnxm44wdcpWtRg/s320/family+2010.jpg" /></a></div><br />In 2010 (above) we had Aleksa (8), Emma (7), Kristopher (6), Wesley (5), Brianna, James, and Micah (all 4), and Lynae (1)</div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnXDke16MbdHXLsYYRmT8ZRCSANHhG_TLrb0tkwehGd2-jAjjBrnUW1E7pYsaoVI0FOdyvuOo3F_WNZwi2dAEcMpdKH5kKVJr1yxyfWuiOlcO76mwnyVVHkQQHcf1P2RQuW2lhR893b5E/s1352/122019824_10223184661059994_4200077180485543714_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="1352" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnXDke16MbdHXLsYYRmT8ZRCSANHhG_TLrb0tkwehGd2-jAjjBrnUW1E7pYsaoVI0FOdyvuOo3F_WNZwi2dAEcMpdKH5kKVJr1yxyfWuiOlcO76mwnyVVHkQQHcf1P2RQuW2lhR893b5E/s320/122019824_10223184661059994_4200077180485543714_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />In 2020 (above) we now have Aleksa (18), Emma (17), Kristopher (16), Wesley (15), Brianna, James, and Micah (all 14), Paul (12), Lynae (11), Delaina (8), Harper (5), Nya (4), Silas (2), and Ryleigh (9 mos)</div></div>Meredithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974293935380325338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855066593161369056.post-25299586999274569602020-12-02T15:21:00.000-05:002020-12-02T15:21:17.187-05:00 The dish on disability and periods from moms <p><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">Four years ago I stepped WAY out of my comfort zone and opened up a conversation on my Facebook wall about disability and… PERIODS. Female cycles. YIKES! I wanted to do a follow up, a “then and now” since at the time of the original post, I had only 1 teen female with disabilities in my home. Now… I have THREE! At the time of my original post, we had a conversation with 190 comments, so, I’m sharing the original post here as well as a summary of comments that were left so that we can continue the conversation! After the words from the experts, our family update on this subject is at the very end.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggevS-vDM6dC2G0iRxq7TRRejdB4__ZW17X7bbWQzwlKP8JwuXeu4_a9HsukUaqfVM5kcO6o-ojF6i95X0ANmYNOrQ-Pxu6iyMhYQ-fqTbu5GIkPEy9hGQgFHaAb1Rwb5xnUvfiMjGi-8/s251/taboo.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="201" data-original-width="251" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggevS-vDM6dC2G0iRxq7TRRejdB4__ZW17X7bbWQzwlKP8JwuXeu4_a9HsukUaqfVM5kcO6o-ojF6i95X0ANmYNOrQ-Pxu6iyMhYQ-fqTbu5GIkPEy9hGQgFHaAb1Rwb5xnUvfiMjGi-8/w351-h281/taboo.jpeg" width="351" /></a></div><br /><span id="docs-internal-guid-5573e2b7-7fff-4841-365a-a082d68f4908"><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">December 2, 2016: </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/meredith.cornish/posts/10210540852492682" style="text-decoration-line: none;"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; text-decoration-line: underline; text-decoration-skip-ink: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">https://www.facebook.com/meredith.cornish/posts/10210540852492682</span></a><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> (this will only be linkable if we are friends on Facebook)</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Disability parenting means talking about things you do NOT want to talk about sometimes. This is the case here. Feel free to skip right on over this post if you are not a parent of a daughter with special needs or medical professional. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Let’s talk about something that none of us want to talk about (ever) but some of us NEED to talk about. Female monthly cycles… for our disabled daughters.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This has been a very (very very very very very very) difficult thing for us the last several months, and for my own sanity I have only asked for prayer as we handled it and talked to doctors (just to make an appointment thus far) and attempted to live through it. I knew if I started writing I would say more than I should, so I asked for prayer and closed my mouth. Right now, while I do not have a child with her cycle today, I can write about it a little better </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="border: none; display: inline-block; height: 16px; overflow: hidden; width: 16px;"><img alt="🙂" height="16" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/l3n5zSWY6EpPrGdjKjFwO2w5keUhHWtYLRUcrtEQD8zZl-rSyPR_3Ji63XJvQ-sEgmzl947NsMVrUnFFUOOdNx24WMWvTEj9h7aeahNI583NeiUz5O37EsgXuZazyh-MXGVxUSjz" style="margin-left: 0px; margin-top: 0px;" width="16" /></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Let me start with the fine print. I don’t like to discuss anything on social media that would embarrass my children, however because she has zero understanding and not a care in the world about any of it, and likely never will, I have decided to open up and ask for the sake of knowledge, understanding, education, and whatever else I can gain from other BTDT parents who would like to share all of that above good stuff with me. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am traumatized. My daughter couldn’t care less about any of it. I hate periods. Mine, hers, anyone else’s I have to deal with… it just is so gross to me. I can deal with all the other ‘medical’ stuff. This is a 24 hour a day mess that takes away all of my daughter’s independence and keeps me literally following her to the bathroom every hour for several days and spending 15 minutes there with her. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The rest of the time I have to keep an eye on where she is, what she’s sitting on, and keep a timer going to not go too long before dragging her back to the bathroom. It is imprisoning right now. For her because of her loss of independence, and for me because I can do NOTHING else, and go nowhere during that time. Plus there's all the actual clean up that I'm doing every hour which is something I will not give direct imagery on for your sake.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There’s no way for me to deal with this in a public restroom with 10 other children (or ONE other child! This isn’t truly a ‘large family’ issue). Something’s got to give. The crying, and nearly vomiting aren’t healthy (those are my symptoms of dealing with her periods. She is completely fine with it all </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="border: none; display: inline-block; height: 16px; overflow: hidden; width: 16px;"><img alt="😉" height="16" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/yHs8iMu3aqDJlYXsZAUDoZwfS6SNhj0q87kv2-nT19herZhNEgpsQzKZohycyP9ZTDzX54W9BXeID8s00p_6q95n1VGniOhlL4PQ92zLjvJhgqqqpxVHoUTBwV4VTYP8bwTFvRgu" style="margin-left: 0px; margin-top: 0px;" width="16" /></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> ).</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We will be seeing the gynocologist on Monday to discuss options for her and I’d like to have a little more knowledge when we go. I discussed this with him a little over a year ago before either of our oldest daughters started their cycles, so he was aware we would be coming and shared some very basic and general info with me at that time, however now’s the real deal. That was our "let's make a plan". Now, well, we’re sinking here.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I think this is an area where there’s a lot of silence, and not a whole lot of information. I’m sure I’m not the only one sinking, and I’m also sure there are many of you who have gone before us and sunk and somehow figured it all out and gone on with life… </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="border: none; display: inline-block; height: 16px; overflow: hidden; width: 16px;"><img alt="🙂" height="16" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/18zvOXBLnC1TmBD9djXjcyDWfw5Xr737-l2n2NmmRTzdLIuRxmrC1BZ0MJ9abmFuwzJCE0H_h7nex7-W7_Av6J-Gsk8sFf2j_cmHy5J7WqYNvPtSJMMpa1Wmzv-KQbEIq91xmfpM" style="margin-left: 0px; margin-top: 0px;" width="16" /></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I know it will be 'worked out'. I hope and pray that's true, anyway...</span></p><br /><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-------------</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The response from who *I* consider to be the experts!! (aka, moms of girls! These are from the comments of the original post. Names have all been omitted)</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I gave some more information: We have been preparing, but that said, I was still completely unprepared. It has been worse than anything I had ever imagined it could be, and not only that, we had 4 or so ok ones to start which gave this false sense of "its gonna be ok" Then it has been two cycles of horrible horrible horrible, for 8 days and 3.5 between starts. Horrible. If someone told me what I would experience I'd have said- it can't be THAT bad. But it is.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One response to the use of pads: “Adhesive from pads + pubic hair = horrible experience....”</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Many suggested depends (we were using a similar underwear type of diaper at the time), Thinx or other varieties of “period panties.” Here was my reply at the time: “We have an issue with her removing a pad and diaper with her hand straight over the part that is dirty-- and squeezing it. I'm not sure this would have any more favorable results for us in that department with poor fine motor skills.” Another mom said this: “We talked about a couple of resolutions and I've made an appointment but in the meantime, let me just say that Thinx underwear have made an extremely difficult and unpleasant time a little more bearable. Her issue is that if she doesn't have to wear protection she doesn't have her period. So she sneaks away and takes the pad out. They look like regular underwear and no pad is needed so for now, our issue is resolved.” Another mom offered this: “We have Thinx, and they are no better than what you are dealing with when changing a pull-up. The difference is Thinx cannot handle HEAVY flow. (I have a daughter with heavy flow, and they can't handle it!)”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Several left comments like the following: “I know I've read many things on this (a while ago)...some controversial. From hormonal options (BCPs, Depo shots, etc) to implants/IUDs, to hysterectomies... I'm not sure where we will end up. My daughter is tough. On a good day. Soooo much trauma in her history. I just can't imagine this will go well. At all… If I'm being honest, she doesn't even wipe well. I.just.cant.imagine.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A few brave souls shared their own experiences with other options: “Being on a hormonal supplement (like birth control) used to make my periods farther apart, much lighter and the emotional balance for me was much better too after a few months on. I believe you can get it packaged to make periods a few months apart instead of every month to maintain both health AND sanity.” Another said “I have had an IUD for 7 years now and not had a period in that long...it's glorious and possible. The shot did not work for me and made me bleed for over a year...every day. So I'm telling you all this TMI to let you know that if one form doesn't work don't be discouraged and try another form.” And a third: “Fyi..with the impanon(arm) alot of women myslef included bleed for months at a time. I was on it for over a yr with constant bleeding before i removed it. My doc. Said alot of women have that side affect. Constant or gone.”</span></p><br /><ul style="margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 0;"><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; list-style-type: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></li></ul><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Another common response was “I’m listening” because their daughter was approaching puberty. “This made me feel so much better. My daughter is still completely in diapers, no clue she's going or has gone. She will go on the stool then stand up and pee her way back to her room. I felt like she was the only one not trained!!! (My other child is completely trained with the exception of night time). I dread my daughter starting her period, it freaks me out, with my luck I will just get her trained and then we will have that!” I could definitely relate! “I have 3 trained and 3 not. One is 13 and doesn't have any idea. Another is 10 and has so many other issues, toileting is the last of our worries. The third is almost 9 and I think he will train soon. Every kid is so different.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">An adult friend with disabilities offered some personal advice: “It's more painful for us with physical disabilities and a little more complicated as far as 'supplies'. Birth control is a great idea. I was on it at her age just to regulate my cycle.”</span></p><ul style="margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 0;"><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; list-style-type: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></li></ul><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A few moms looked at this topic from a different angle- that of fertility: “Some will disagree with our approach but we have our daughter on birth control pills that limit her period to 1-2 very light days. She simply cannot handle a full blown period. And as sad as this is to say, she is in public school and not very boy who is nice to her has good intentions. She needs protection from boys who would convince her to let them abuse her and possibly get her pregnant.” Another chimed in, “This has always been one of my big discussion points. We are not with our girls 24/7, and cannot trust that everyone around them have good intentions. A friend of mine used to do foster care and one of her foster children was born to a 22 yo mom who has Ds.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And of course, I don’t have the only opinion on female cycles, so a few shared their differing perspectives, which I appreciate! “I've got three now that have periods. But it does not bother me nearly as much as it bothers you.” They went on to say “All three girls are semi independent with it. One bleeds much more heavily than the other two, and wears a pull up diaper for a couple of days, but that's it. Thinking of a bidet attachment for the toilet? I'm considering.” Someone else shared: “I can't speak as the Mom of a special needs kid, so on that front I'm not super helpful. I can say that while you may be grossed out its a completely natural and normal process you, and her, body go through. People don't talk about it enough so it's become some sort of taboo gross thing, when it shouldn't be that way. From your perspective I certainly understand the dread and discomfort having to navigate that every month for someone who isn't able to deal with it independently. From an outside perspective, and this would have to be both a personal choice based on your personal beliefs and what's best for her per her doctor.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Another option described was ablation: “I'm definitely interested in hearing more about the ablation option. What would the negatives be? (I didn't have one, so I don't know a lot about it.)” A personal perspective was shared: “I personally had an ablation done for myself due to heavy periods (as I approach menopause) -- it's fantastic, but I still have a little bleeding maybe about every 3 months for a handful of days. I'm guessing it's because I had some cysts and such that it had to go around, but it's not guaranteed to completely eliminate the period. In having it, you have to have permanent birth control as well - I had my tubes tied at the same time. My OB would not do it until we could guarantee that I would never get pregnant again.” Someone else shared “A peds gyn told me that ablation isn't a good option at such a young age since the uterine lining can supposedly grow back after a few years.” Another perspective: “Our doctor advises very strongly against ablation for kids with developmental disabilities, because they may not be as capable of telling you when they are having symptoms of potential cancer. And ablation can hide the cancer. Just a thought”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One mom shared a perspective about a conversation with her daughter with developmental disability: “we had a conversation about ablation, and the doctor told me that he felt very strongly that doing it chemically was much safer and it was not a risk he was willing to take. We really do need to see an OB/GYN though and get a more permanent plan because my daughter really wants to just be done with it all together. She also wants to have babies someday and although that is very unlikely, she would never agree to anything that would permanently take that option away at this time. She handles it pretty well but she does hate it.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Another aspect of personal care was school! “We are facing that with my daughter right now. We are still discussing with her doctors of what to do. I also have to add the girls go to public school and do not feel like their teachers should have to deal with this either. I'm really torn.” A mom shared their response to the school issue: “We use the above mentioned pill and have three periods...... plan is either thanksgiving or christmas break/ spring break/ and a week in summer when it is supposed to rain the whole week.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Other resources were given: “There is a closed group on FB: Down syndrome and Puberty. It's not very active now, but maybe some post might help you. With your other daughters (and sons), I recommend the book "Teaching Children with Down Syndrome about Their Bodies, Boundaries, and Sexuality, A Guide for Parents and Professionals."”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A birth control shot was discussed, and a common theme in replies was this: “We didn't do the shot bc if there are bad results, you're stuck for 90 days. Pills are easier to change and adjust since it's a once a day dosage.”</span></p><ul style="margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 0;"><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; list-style-type: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></li></ul><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Speaking of a regular pill, several stated it helped or didn’t help, and what type they used. Here as one of the more unique replies but I’m sure there are more with this same outlook! “We have both our girls on "the pill"- from 7+ days of heavy to 2-3 light, and it has made a world of difference for cramps.. we choose not to go drastic because God made our bodies to function that way and who really knows if procreation is the ONLY reason it does.. was just our thoughts.” A response to this (simply another perspective): “I'm not a fan of chemical birth control so in addition to not being familiar with it since I do not use it, I questioned where I stood as far as the moral dilemma I have myself with taking it (I understand that not everyone sees this as an issue, but it's something I was thinking through). I basically decided that it is not being used AS birth control- because sex is required to form a baby and there's none of that ever happening for either of my daughters so the aspects of hormonal birth control that I don't like are not something that even comes into play for either of my daughters.”</span></p><ul style="margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 0;"><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; list-style-type: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></li></ul><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The elephant in the room that many wondered about was brought up by a few: “A cousin of mine struggled with very very heavy periods. She has down syndrome and severe autism. She wasn't "bothered" per day by her period but she wasn't able to care for herself. My aunt tried birth control in both pill and shot form and nothing seemed to cease her cycles, or even slow them down any. After a couple of years and many many doctors they made the tough choice to have a partial hysterectomy. She kept her ovaries so she didn't go into hormonal menopause but lost her uterus.” Another friend shared: “In situations like this I personally see no problem with her having a partial hysterectomy and having her uterus removed. Some people may think I'm horrible to say that. However you have to look at what she's suffering through as well. Just removing the uterus will cause the bleeding to stop because there will be nothing to bleed. Her ovaries still intact will cause her to go through her regular hormonal cycles and be healthier for her body.” Many others said this is the direction they would choose for their daughters, if given the choice. “We aren't there yet...but she's 12 1/2 so I'm hoping for a hysterectomy. I don't see why she needs a uterus, she's so severely delayed it isn't likely that she will ever surpass 3 years mentally, so she will never be able to consent sexually or even understand all of that. She can't wipe herself at almost 1e and only goes through the motions of washing hands not grasping fully cleaning them let alone cleansing her feminine region so a period sounds like literal hell. If the doctor won't do a partial hysterectomy hopefully he will do an ablation. My daughter would freak out and think she's dying if she had that much blood on her. I would think that would be more trauma than losing her uterus which she doesn't know exists, will not ever care about, and at a 18 month-3 year old cognition, I hope to goodness never uses.” “Partial hysterectomy would be what I would choose, If I had a daughter. No more messes and she gets to keep her ovaries/hormones.” “I am so thankful you have brought this subject out here for so many to discuss. I have learned a lot just from reading the responses here and appreciate all the input. With that said, I have three girls with Ds that I am facing this very soon with and my decision is that I do not want any of them having a period at all so I would choose the hysterectomy. Now of course I realize that I need to get approval for this but this is the part that just chaps my behind. These are my daughters for whom I make all the decisions for and am held legally and morally responsible for in all aspects of her life except when some bureaucrat or doctor says otherwise?? Anyways, thank you to all for sharing your experiences and thoughts.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The natural manager mom shared her experience: “I'm sorry you're going through this Meredith and I have no helpful words for you. My girls are both 15 and started a few years ago. They both had a hard time at first, and one chose to wear pull ups during her period each month. Now they both change their own pads-- so frequently that they each go through an entire pack each month. They do get moody and one gets crampy which is helped by advil, and we have no plans to use birth control.” “My daughter is 16, had her period for at least 3 years now. Every once in a while we have a catastrophe, but she has learned how to take care of it. She is barely verbal, but between her OT, her hab worker and I we have come up with great solutions. It took a little bit of time. But she is independent with it. Probably the biggest problem is remembering to buy supplies. I forget.” “My husband and I used to run group homes for Developmentally delayed adults. We had a variety of different disabilities, with a huge range of cognitive function, if they were potty trained, then they also dealt with their periods independently.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And of course, there’s always these little jibes! LOL! “One more reason I only adopt boys!” Andall the girl moms replied: “Boys are gonna give us sexuality issues from a different direction! Lol”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And, those who aren’t in it, but read it to just be able to relate to people and understand: “Girl...I cannot even begin to imagine what you're going through. That is something I had never thought about u having to deal with.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ll close out with the loving comments from those who just wanted to say thanks to ALL for their open dialog: “I just want to say "thank you" for posting this. You know that we're not in your shoes but our hearts know that it's a possibility someday. I'm thankful for friends like you who are open and honest. This gives good food for thought and a way to pray for those of you dealing with this currently. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="border: none; display: inline-block; height: 16px; overflow: hidden; width: 16px;"><img alt="❤" height="16" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/4UJWXfAOalJo87Rg1OT0Kd8W9ZVvvXeANoznT-8h2wseCbcFd9OMkhUrNgsxgrVWuYS6zdKl5LZrRQC2S0Sl8PNvSFWMl-DXsfxH3lFYrFZktcyoj8yeJpcdN0bnrzsoH6n05Btk" style="margin-left: 0px; margin-top: 0px;" width="16" /></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> So, thanks!” “Thank you for posting this. I'm learning a lot as we will be facing this MUCH sooner than I care to think about. Hugs!” “I appreciate you being willing to talk about this. It's on my mind a lot lately. My daughter is developing but so far (thank God!) no period. Her ped said we had at least a year a few months ago. I'm planning to see how it goes first. She will wash herself in the shower but only after being reminded and I have to remind her to wipe after using the toilet - so, I don't know what it's gonna be like. It's been really helpful to read the ideas and tips in this post. Thanks!”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">------------------</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You thought you made it to the end with that, right? But, how about NOW? Now where are we at with things, 4 years later?? We have not one, but three teen girls with disabilities. I’ll give a quick update! At nearly 2 years of terrible periods and multiple pill options tried, our oldest ended up with 40+ days of bleeding and the doctor finally said he was done if I was done, and it was considered medically necessary to do a partial hysterectomy. We had been literally captive for the entire Christmas and New Year’s holidays and momma was losing my mind! It took many months to get the surgery scheduled, but in the end she had her uterus removed! I will add that we have had a recent instance with a mild period! Even with no uterus?? Yes… Scary, isn’t it?? Well, the gynocologist had a few ideas for what caused it, and if it happens again we will have to see what is definitely going on there! For my next two girls, so far we are at very light and manageable cycles. With covid, the appointment I had scheduled in May ended up being canceled, and really we’ve managed ok. I’m hoping to use the pill to regulate their cycles so we have some predictability. Our biggest issue is that our toilet trained daughter sometimes just ignores the blood and goes on with life. Our other daughter is in a pull up all the time, so it is just a matter of us following her to the restroom to remove a soiled diaper without making a mess with it, then cleaning her up well at the end of her time in the restroom. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Life is never boring around here! Please leave me an update or your own (kindly worded :D ) thoughts on the topic if you’d like!</span></p><div><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div></span>Meredithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974293935380325338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855066593161369056.post-46015522699902109702020-12-01T23:08:00.001-05:002020-12-01T23:08:11.068-05:00Where did it go??You know when you buy something for a specific purpose, then you don't end up using it for that, so it sits in one place for a long time? <div><br></div><div>Weeks. </div><div><br></div><div>Months. </div><div><br></div><div>Then you get tired of seeing it sit there, so you say "I'm going to put this somewhere else. It's just in the way here." And you move it.</div><div><br></div><div>Somewhere. </div><div><br></div><div>Out of the way. </div><div><br></div><div>Then, you come up with another situation that it would work perfectly for. </div><div><br></div><div>And. You. Can. Not. Find. It. Anywhere. </div><div><br></div><div>Welcome to our home. Where did that remote power switch we bought for the Christmas light outside last year, then never used for the light last year, so it sat in our foyer until June before being put... somewhere ... go????<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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</div><br></div>Meredithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974293935380325338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855066593161369056.post-53528348421198633782020-12-01T20:58:00.000-05:002020-12-01T20:58:15.164-05:00 What’s in your nativity?<p><br /></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-9d26b7e2-7fff-abeb-edcb-e5d4ff29d064"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We’re entering the Christmas season and as we deck the halls with lights and garland, we also take out the porcelain nativity scene and place it high on a shelf, away from all the fingers that will peel the creche apart at the seams. Our family has also had a small “Little People” nativity set for many years, placed in the middle of the chaos of our own little people, ready for play and familiarity. This year as we unboxed our Christmas decorations we found only a few pieces of the set. I’m sure the rest of the pieces are together, somewhere, along with all of the Rudolph play set that is also missing. We still left the stable up in the play area, and our kids quickly familiarized themselves with it again. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I loved hearing Harper (5) tell Silas (2) that “that is where Jesus was born, and this (holding up the character) is Mary. She’s been in my bedroom ALL YEAR!” She went off to play, and I came back to the room a few minutes later. This is the scene I found Silas playing out, complete with his thousand words an hour that he needs to get out.</span></p><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy8vEZxhADUPfM6r3I_CDrnlncwZfYyY97Bx04QBiQiyDeGxr493OGN4a2icPJVv17JcNN72q7L5favTcNkY-_XhkODb6GOc6RMGe0tGRjjrac0w78GiPfR9BtIIVirknjGcDhxAVZlyE/s2578/129394553_447636452900800_4204710659407762405_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1220" data-original-width="2578" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy8vEZxhADUPfM6r3I_CDrnlncwZfYyY97Bx04QBiQiyDeGxr493OGN4a2icPJVv17JcNN72q7L5favTcNkY-_XhkODb6GOc6RMGe0tGRjjrac0w78GiPfR9BtIIVirknjGcDhxAVZlyE/s320/129394553_447636452900800_4204710659407762405_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6DJlP7_UJqljwifhnRkCfmyQ3Lr4v0BQU7fnAM4WcdgeLbNx2zFKcjbjrLVWEcCp-MSkPDinc63ucl_liPQyphN0hsl_x8PrIFrt_sK16nbVJLPe1oOA3gqyWk1XZFuqZiLRi4N8J0T4/s2578/129513451_408805506976168_8418031340993876820_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1220" data-original-width="2578" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6DJlP7_UJqljwifhnRkCfmyQ3Lr4v0BQU7fnAM4WcdgeLbNx2zFKcjbjrLVWEcCp-MSkPDinc63ucl_liPQyphN0hsl_x8PrIFrt_sK16nbVJLPe1oOA3gqyWk1XZFuqZiLRi4N8J0T4/s320/129513451_408805506976168_8418031340993876820_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Jesus has been located. Not baby Jesus, mind you, but Jesus as an adult. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mary is praying on the roof top. With Santa. Maybe she’s helping him with his deliveries?</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There are 2 dogs visiting the manger scene. Silas loves dogs, so it only seems appropriate. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I couldn’t get the scoop on Lightning McQueen and why he was in the manger, but really, that got me thinking.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As adults, what is in our own nativity? When we build up the framework for our own Christmas story, what do we put inside the stable? Is the Stable empty, only a few items left inside, unrelated to Christmas itself but more about our own interests? Is Jesus on the outside, looking in, interacting with the fictitious idea of a gift giver from afar? (For what it’s worth, as a family we celebrate Jesus’s birthday with Santa bringing each child a gift as he, too, celebrates the Christ child!) Has the baby been lost? Misplaced, maybe? Are the wise men who seek him too far to be found? Does our story of Christmas center around the Jesus-baby-turned-Jesus-adult and His sacrifice coming to the earth for our salvation? </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Today the play of my 2 year old challenged me to study my nativity. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This Christmas I’m going to enjoy the Santa, adult Jesus, and Mary conversations on the rooftop of the stable told by my imaginative 2 year old, and I’m going to focus my own heart on the Jesus-baby turned Jesus-adult in my own nativity safe on the shelf where Silas can see it and copy it in his play, but where the story won’t be changed. Jesus will stay at the center. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(PS: I was able to purchase another kids’ nativity set on friday, so we can recover the story of Christ’s birth in our children’s play and learning as well. Santa and adult-Jesus are, of course, invited to come visit as often as their appearance is brought about, though).</span></p><div><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div></span>Meredithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974293935380325338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855066593161369056.post-74661791833274933072020-11-25T15:26:00.000-05:002020-11-25T17:02:46.109-05:00the stench of all stenches<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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</div><div><div>How you know you've married well and you're in this together...</div><div><br></div><div>11:15pm, we finish playing a game because Tuesdays are self proclaimed "date night at home." Mike goes upstairs and gets ready for bed. I lay the baby down and then go up as he is coming down. I feel the assault to my entire face as I walk up the stairs into a stench worse than a skunk. I ask him if he checked kids up there, quiet whisper yelling down the stairs. He said he thought maybe it originated with the kid at the bottom. I change my clothes. I catch a cricket that made it to our bathroom. I come downstairs and look all over for him, then hear that the boys' bathroom is running water. I go back up. I open their bedroom door and all that is left of my sinuses shrivels and dies right there along with whatever week old roadkill is in that bedroom. I go to the bathroom by sheer will power and memory because I think my eyes were burning. It only gets worse. </div><div><br></div><div>There is Michael with a 12 yr old kid getting sprayed down in the shower. Oh my, the smell was awful. He asked for paper towels and water. I left the room very willingly and turned the fan on high in the bedroom. Two other boys were somehow sound asleep in there. I made a small sound to make sure they both wiggled a little and nobody had died from asphyxiation from the terrible fumes. They both alerted. I prayed they would sleep through this and tomorrow believe it was all just a bad dream. </div><div><br></div><div>I left the room and went down stairs, trying to clear my nostrils of the lingering odor. I grabbed a cup. Someone had done that cruel and terrible thing where they stack 2 smaller cups inside a bigger cup in the cupboard, so little cups fell from the cabinet and bounced onto the barstool sitting below, then one fell to the ground. Stealthy, Meredith, stealthy. Remember you just put the baby down? The one who sleeps only 20 minutes at a time right now without touching you? Oh, and I still had a cricket in my hand. I met him out the front door. </div><div><br></div><div>I grabbed paper towels and returned to the crime scene. I then heard a noise. I'm not sure now whether I actually heard it or whether it was some 6th sense thing because I'm pretty sure even my ears were occluded from the stench of a million dirty diapers. I walked to the girls room and stood in their doorway a moment. I heard it again. "Emma, stop it," I said, as I talked to the black privacy tent she occupies. She heard me and started babbling. "NO, stop. Go to sleep," I said. Then I took two steps into the bedroom. After I was in the center of the room I heard a gasp and startled shriek and a child emerged over the trail of a nearby top bunk, sitting straight up and looking like she had just seen a ghost, saying "YOU SCARED ME!!" in a whisper scream. I'm guessing she heard me but was unsure what she actually heard, but enough to open her eyes. Then it felt to her like I was suddenly a stranger in the room. I stayed with her a minute, calmed her and let her tell me about how Emma had opened her tent up a bit ago and had her head out looking around when this child went to the restroom. She asked how Emma can get out of her bed now. I explained that there are zippers in the inside, the same ones she uses to close it when she goes to bed, and she uses to open it in the mornings to leave. The same zippers work at night too. "Oh," and she laid back down. </div><div><br></div><div>I bravely walked down the hallway to the bedroom where IT happened and pulled pajamas from the cubbies of the child who shall not be named in the hallway as I passed by. I found Michael with his cell phone flashlight wiping the netting that surrounds the special needs bed. Then I watched as he climbed out and went to the side of the bed and started wiping down the plastic on the pillow that we keep against the side of the bed to keep him from banging on the wall. The amount of spray coverage that was achieved might hold a record. I turned back to the child and opened the shirt up since he was having great difficulty finding the leg holes with his toes in the SHIRT I had handed him. </div><div><br></div><div>He dressed with some efficiency as the 2 yr old began talking. That kid has words. 100,000 words a day he needs to spend. Not unlike his momma, who is writing this long post at 12:02am, I suppose. Wrapped up in a blanket, somehow he didn't mind the stench in the room, but I guess maybe that's all part of the y chromosome. </div><div><br></div><div>Bed wiped, child re-introduced to a clean space to sleep, and fan turned down to low, we exited the room of monstrous stenches from explosive diapers, me grabbing the bathroom trash as I went and Michael hitting go on the washing machine in the hallway. . </div><div><br></div><div>Tonight Mike didn't call me to wash the head to toe pooped kid, not ask me to climb in the tented bed and wash the mattress. He took it and did it and somehow soldiered through the aroma, asking only for the tools to clean with.</div><div><br></div><div>I dont need to dream up perfection somewhere. There's really nothing more perfect than one who (**LOVINGLY**) willingly takes on hazardous waste at 11:15pm. </div><div><br></div><div>And yes, the trash made it all the way outside. I'm sure somebody was wondering... ;) </div><div><br></div><div>*note: the child pictured did not cause the fallout of November 2020. It was his brother.</div></div>Meredithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974293935380325338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855066593161369056.post-56284396030748311572020-11-21T15:27:00.001-05:002020-11-25T17:02:40.039-05:00q&a 2020<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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</div><div>Are you ready for this??</div><div><br></div><div>Remember in early October when I said "ask me anything, and I'll do a Q&A post"? Yeah, I didn't forget, but, I also didn't get around to it. I had this idea I'd do a video reply. Well, that hasn't happened. Now I have a broken finger and typing is a little... difficult (I closed it in my car door a week ago, go figure). I’m at the point I’ve basically figured out 9 finger typing, so, are you ready for a LONG POST?? Here goes… :) </div><div>----------</div><div>from Amy: How do you do all that needs to be done? (and Rachel asked similar, but more specifically said "without losing yourself")</div><div> </div><div>Well, "everything that needs to be done" means different things to different people! I would venture to say that some people would walk into our home and see many, many things that need to be done. Others would come up with ideas of things that need to be done that aren't visible. Our version of what needs to be done starts with keeping everyone healthy and basic needs met. Then it moves to emotional and physical needs and relationships, which is truly just as important but also not as easy to spot. The house gets us on some level. Keeping it tidy and clean is an effort we can all work towards. Obviously there are other aspects, spiritual and other needs... We take it all in and day by day, week by week, we decide what needs us sooner and what needs us later. I'm not sure this really answers the question, or whether Amy or Rachel were looking for specifics, but the long and short of it is, "we don't." We do what we need to do, but we don't necessarily get everything that needs to be done, done. Laundry or dishes sometimes wait. The time between when the floor has been mopped or the fans dusted is likely longer than some might suggest it needs it at times. Sometimes we order pizza instead of cooking on a busy day. Sometimes we make choices that make things easier for us. Not losing myself, hmm. Well, this is who I am. This is who God made me to be. It is who I enjoy being. I like a break and I need it sometimes, but this life doesn't make me lose myself. It is me!</div><div>----------</div><div>from Deena: Are more than the two youngest your biological children?</div><div> </div><div>Yes! We have 7 biological kids, 7 adopted kids. We had 2 biological before began adopting, including one bio daughter with Down syndrome. We then adopted 2 kids (they became our oldest and youngest), then had a bio, then adopted our 6th that ended up being right in the middle. Then adopted 2 more that same year that now were our new oldest and then right in the middle again. We had another bio baby, adopted another in the middle again, had another bio, adopted one that became the youngest, then had the two bio babies you referenced! </div><div>----------</div><div>from Vee: How is Wesley doing? What grade is he in?</div><div> </div><div>Wesley is generally doing well! He struggles with uncontrolled epilepsy and his seizures haven't improved despite multiple medications. We are looking at the next set of options for him now, to see if we can help him get a reprieve. Wesley is 15 and in 10th grade, though since we homeschool, grades hold very little value around here :)</div><div>----------</div><div>from Lyndi: is Kristopher towering over Michael in height now?</div><div> </div><div>Not quite, though our family pictures make it seem so. They're pretty close to the same height right now, but I doubt that will last for long!</div><div>----------</div><div>from Rachel: Do you have any tricks to share?</div><div> </div><div>Hmm... not really sure what kinds of tricks you're looking for. Let's see... Pray often. Forgive easily. Don't sweat the small stuff. Give mercy. Trust God. I guess that's all I got. :) I'm sure that's not what you were looking for, but those are better than any other advise or tricks I can think of right now!</div><div>----------</div><div>from Cynthia: I think you should write a book!</div><div> </div><div>I would love to! In my spare time, of course :) I love to share the journey God has put us on, and maybe one day when I'm not nursing babies I'll find a few spare minutes! LOL</div><div>----------</div><div>from Nancy: How do you stay strong and rested?</div><div> </div><div>I guess I'd say strong and rested are not really things I'd use to describe myself. Strong in the spirit- from regular Bible study and prayer and time with God. THAT I find a priority for. Strong physically, I'm not always there. Rested is not something I'd say is true about 99% of the time. It likely isn't true for any parent of medically complex kids, or for parents of infants or toddlers. Or teens. LOL :) I do take some good vitamins, iron (I'm often anemic), and often high doses of vitamin c when we have sickness go through the house. </div><div>----------</div><div>from Susan: How do you afford to feed so many people? (related, from Alla: Do you cook food in advance? Freeze?)</div><div> </div><div>Well, we have slowly gone from 1 kid to 14 kids, and we've adjusted our lives accordingly as it happens. We don't spend money on a lot of things others consider important, we don't’ have debt, and we prioritize spending with food being pretty high up the list :) . I meal plan much of the time, so I know what I need to buy and shop from a list, without buying a lot of extras. I shop during sales, buy in bulk, and look around to get the best deals I can on food. We use Sam's Club (which our shopping pays for our membership and more), Amazon Subscribe and Save, WalMart pickup, and occasionally other places like Boxed that deliver and have bulk things. I use credit cards to earn points, and redeem points like cash, but pay off the credit cards as we use them so there isn’t ever an additional charge for using it. I cook meats in bulk often times, and freeze it once cooked, so it can be quickly defrosted and made into a quick and easy meal. This reduces our need for quick and easy meals purchased from restaurants or fast food. We have a pressure cooker that we LOVE! Right now the USDA is providing breakfast and lunches to children and we have gotten those once a week for our kids who eat. That has helped the budget during this unusual time, too :).</div><div>----------</div><div>from Alla: How many hours do you sleep? When you are tired, are there things that help you rest and relax?</div><div> </div><div>I go to bed between 11 and 12 most nights (occasionally later). I get up about 4-6x during the night and wake around 7 most days, but I often don't go out of our bedroom until 8 or even a little after. I wake and feed the baby and will sometimes fall back asleep with her for a few sometimes. Michael goes to bed at the same time and sometimes gets up with kids as well. He gets up between 7 and 7:30 and gets his shower then helps our kids who need help in the morning to get their day started upstairs. So technically, I could get 8 hours of sleep. Very interrupted sleep... :) To rest or relax, I enjoy reading, or occasionally zoning out with the TV. I find more than that, I enjoy finding a friend to talk to on the phone lets me process or just escape from whatever's in my here and now, and I find that relaxing, too. Of course a good Bible study or prayer time are helpful, but if I do those while tired, I'll be sleeping instead :) </div><div>----------</div><div>from Cynthia: How did you manage to adopt multiple Ukrainian children without going into debt?</div><div> </div><div>Well, we felt specifically called and equipped to jump in with both feet, and before our first adoption we had a significant savings. We went all in. We spent our savings, and we took a small loan from someone close to us. We saved every penny and did some fundraising as well. Within 3 months of coming home, we paid back the loan. Adoption #2 was foster care, so there were very few expenses. Adoptions #3-4 were again from Ukraine. Someone had donated a significant grant towards one of our kids, which is truly the only reason we felt we could actually say yes to the adoption. Finances are a huge part of international adoption. We again fundraised some, and again took a small loan. We then ended up with 2 kids instead of 1 when Aleksa was suddenly actually available, and we found that when God moves in the big ways that He did, others around us moved just as quickly. We paid for both simultaneous separate adoptions and repaid the loan once again within 3 months. God provided. We didn't feel He was calling us to go into debt to adopt, and He provided our every need. We made huge sacrifices, but nothing as big as not having a family!</div><div>----------</div><div>from Mary: Can you share a bit about how you do chores? Thanks!</div><div><br></div><div>Each of our kids have daily chores that can take on daily chores! Anyone who is able takes care of putting their own clothes away and helps with laundry. Three kids unload the dishwasher together. Two different kids help with round 1 and round 2 of dishes. Our 16 yr old has extra chores that he helps with that he gets paid (monthly, a small amount) to do, because we have deemed them “above and beyond normal family stuff.” He manages the 2 boys’ feeding pumps. Fills the bags in the morning, starts and stops each one 3x during the day, and flushes the tubes after. Things kids help with: the kitchen trash and recycling, feed the dog (and occasionally the guinea pigs), sweep the floor under the tables, clear and wipe down the table after meals, turn over laundry as needed and start the dryer, start the washer, make all the kids drinks for lunch and dinner (which is a huge help as I prepare meals!), take out small bits of trash (diaper sacks) during the day for us, set the table for meals with silverware, and serve food plates or bring serving dishes to the tables. Everyone helps with care of the chickens, too. One checks for eggs, one refills waters, one scoops food, and one keeps the floor from getting too soiled (yeah, she poop scoops!). Right now, Kris or Mike puts up and takes down night coverings to protect the birds from the cold wind, too. One of my kiddos with Down syndrome that has more significant delays puts new bags into every trash can as they’re emptied. Other things we may have the kids help with are breaking down cardboard boxes, stacking or moving around formula boxes (which even our most delayed can help with!) and other every-so-often chores. Everyone cleans up after themselves and helps each other as needed, as well. We very much have a “many hands make light the work” attitude with things, and our kids are really very willing to step in and help. They also do well knowing what their responsibilities are and with that consistency, we know those things are being done. Things our kids do NOT do: change diapers, help each other in the restroom or with personal care of any kind, cook (with a few exceptions, and they will HELP us cook, but they do not prep meals beyond making sandwiches occasionally), give medications, provide any medical care (unless something minor is needed while a big kid is listening for siblings and we are temporarily unable, like suctioning or deflating the trach cuff while I’m in the shower, for instance), discipline their siblings, babysit beyond VERY occasional instances and maybe something like a shower, too. </div><div>----------</div><div>from Alla: Do you have someone that helps you with the children everyday? If you need to see a doctor with 1 or more, how do you do it with the rest of your children?</div><div><br></div><div>Well, this answer has recently changed :) . No, we do not have anyone that helps us with our kids. In the past, Michael worked during the day and I was home. I took care of our (then 13) kids on my own. If I needed to go to a doctor’s appointment, I would hire a friend who has medical experience and experience with adoption, and she would either come to my house (with her son that is Lynae’s age) or meet me at the appointment and stay in the car with my kids during the appointment, depending on where I was going and how long it would be, as well as what her schedule was. Sometimes, Michael would take off work and do the same, either watch the kids in the car, or come home and keep them, if our friend wasn’t available. On occasion, my mom would come watch some of the kids, and others would either go with me, or sometimes even go to work with Michael. Now, however, Michael is home and one of us simply takes the kid/s with appointments. The baby comes along if I take them. The other of us stays home with everyone else. We aren’t really sure what this will look like in the future, but in a general sense, we have no intention to have in-home help with our kids besides Michael or I, our friend, or my mom. </div><div>----------</div><div>from Cynthia: How do you homeschool children with multiple special needs? How do you handle organization in a household of 16?</div><div><br></div><div>Homeschooling looks different for our kids working on grade level than our kids with special needs. In general our kids with special needs who are not on academic tracks are working on skills and knowledge bases. We use videos, tablet activities, learning games, life experiences, “workbox” type activities, and worksheets to expose them to continued academics, work on daily skills, and work towards the goals that we’ve set for each one. Some goals are as simple as being able to entertain and enjoy oneself. Other goals are built to help them independently function or be as independent in an area of skill as they can be. Learning is a 24/7 activity and not something they do between strict hours. Those who can do academic learning but aren’t on grade level have worksheet packets and school assignments just like our kids on grade level, and both our kindergartener and kids who are working on similar levels sit with me to work a few days a week on those activities. I use typical books (this year we focused on abeka and 180 days curriculum) and I adapt it and mark through what we’re not working on. </div><div><br></div><div>Organizing the household, well, you asked for it! LOL! For school everyone has a binder with 36 weeks of clear sheet protectors in it. Worksheets are distributed into those and every Monday I go over the packet with each kid, then they come to me with any additional help they need, as they need it. They keep it in a folder and work from that folder throughout the week. They also have an agenda which I print out monthly, which has their book assignments and anything not in the binder written out for them. These are all written out before we start school (or soon thereafter!) for the year. We keep all the binders together, and the folders with them. Agendas I organize on Homeschool Planet online planner and print monthly or as needed when they lose them :) . </div><div>We have ‘cubby’ systems throughout the house, and they’re our most significant organizational structural system. We have them down our entry hallway for everything from games and toys and art supplies, to books and coloring and crafts, batteries, accessibility switches, glasses equipment, hair brushes and hairties, and we even have two of our kids’ dressers right in there with all of that (but you’d never know!) because they needed a place to be. We use them for kids’ clothes upstairs; one area has 4 boys’ clothes, another area has 6 girls’ clothing. We have them in the downstairs medical bedroom with medical supplies that we need to access regularly. In the garage (which is an enclosed room… where our tables are, actually), there is a cubby for each kid’s shoes with their initial on it, and cubbies for hats, gloves, scarves, and another set with electronic gadgets like wii remotes and games. In our bedroom they hold ipads and chromebooks and laptops and one cubby has a bin where all the chargers go, another has mice and headphones. That’s probably our single most used organizational device! </div><div>As said above, about cubbies, we have family closet areas for most kids, with a few exceptions. We also gave up on conventional ideas and decided to do what works! That means the bookcase in the medical room also holds 2 pressure cookers, a blender, and silicone popcorn bowls for the microwave, because we use those things regularly and that keeps them close to the kitchen. We have one Tervis cup for each child and they use it all day. We have an amazing changing table my dad built for us with drawers that organize diapers and creams and wipes, but also paperwork and coloring books that are bigger than cubbies, etc. We use space for what works, not necessarily for what its intended function might be! </div><div>We have a whole wall of hooks for jackets in our garage room, a walk in pantry that was intended as a garage utility closet, and heavy coats are in a mobile wardrobe in the basement. Medication has its own whole organizational system, but it is all stored locked up in a cabinet. </div><div>We don’t have couches (we used to and they didn’t get used much!) and instead find our kids spend most of their time either working at a desk/table or on the floor playing. We have a waterproof mattress on the floor in our family room for kids to flop down on and to do diapers/tube feeds for Nya on, and a very padded rug to play on as well. Otherwise, the kids all use plastic or wooden chairs, because they can move them around to whatever they want to do. We have several folding tables that pop up for a project or computer time or art or to sit by me and do school throughout the week. We changed a few years ago to this portable and movable furniture and found it gives us a ton more flexibility! We have a few upholstered chairs around as well, and our tables/chairs for dining are always up (and used by several for school). </div><div>We have a toy box, cardboard books shelf, and then we have bookshelves that hold chapter books and bins with toys that are ‘sets’ of things. The kids sort toys by bin to put them away (we are still working on this for some) and we rotate which toys are in use and put some away in the basement. </div><div>This is such a broad question, I hope this was the type of thing you were looking for! :) </div><div>----------</div><div>Ok, I know it took me about 6 weeks to get these answers done, but if you have other questions or follow up q’s, feel free to ask! We are a pretty open book, and I find I learn a lot from others when they post things like this, too! </div><div><br></div><div>If you actually read to the end, you deserve a medal or something, but just to show you made it, post me your favorite emoji in the comments! Here’s mine! It feels very "2020" to me! 😬</div>Meredithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974293935380325338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855066593161369056.post-12043957294692857552020-11-11T15:24:00.001-05:002020-11-25T17:01:59.909-05:005 steps to befriending a special needs parent<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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</div><div>5 steps to befriending a special needs parent:<br></div><div><br></div><div>1. Consider how you’re friends with people who don’t have children with special needs.</div><div>2. Do that.</div><div>3. Realize that a lack of availability isn’t a direct correlation to a lack of desire, and keep trying when things don’t happen quickly.</div><div>4. Keep doing that. </div><div>5. Maybe send caffeine and chocolate ;)</div>Meredithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974293935380325338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855066593161369056.post-31787994202786732402020-11-05T15:21:00.001-05:002020-11-25T17:01:17.407-05:00restarting after covid 19 for your special needs participants<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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</div><div>As activities resume, here is what your special needs friends and participants with medical conditions might benefit the most from: </div><div><br></div><div>1: It is always ideal if accommodations can be made for them to join, however with the current health risks that may not be possible. </div><div><br></div><div>2: Acknowledge that it is ok if they cannot join you yet. This itself says you see them and they're not forgotten!</div><div><br></div><div>3: Recognize to them that they will be missed by not being there in person and that you understand why they cannot come. </div><div><br></div><div>4: If there is any way to livestream, call in, or otherwise involve those who can't be there, make a specific invitation to include them. </div><div><br></div><div>5: Take a moment to recognize just how hard this is for them. If you are a person of faith, pray for them and their family. As much as you've missed being in public activities during the quarantine, many people with special needs or medical conditions have been in their homes almost constantly since the beginning of the flu season (November 2019!), and many are being told by their physicians not to go out other than necessary until next spring (March 2021!).</div><div><br></div><div>6:Check back in. Mark a calendar and don't let months go by without contacting them again to walk back through these things. Maybe the situation will have changed and accommodations can be made. Maybe just checking in will be what they needed to brighten their outlook on their own situation just a little bit.</div><div><br></div><div>These steps are simple things that, despite still not being able to attend, help us to know we are not forgotten. Sadness is one thing. Anger, bitterness, and depression are easily grown from isolation and loneliness, but can be helped by intentional effort by those who care about them.</div><div>---------------------</div><div><br></div><div>I've tried to put words to how we are processing things right now, but none of them work out to actually portray what I want it to. In short, while we are glad that covid-19 is posing less of a threat to the general population, the outlook for our family is still not as good because of the medical conditions within our home. </div><div><br></div><div>We (our children especially) are watching things resume and there is a sadness in knowing that after many months of being home things are beginning to happen with the people and groups we want to engage with, but we cannot be a part of it still. There's kindof an expectation around us that everyone will be excited to re-engage. There is a sadness in not being able to return and a bit of feeling left out for those whose activities have left no options for them to engage other than in-person. </div><div><br></div><div>I know very well it is not only us, so I hope the above considerations can help those in leadership of different organizations that are starting back up to retain their special needs families and participants with medical conditions, as well as to help the families and other participants to maintain their connections.</div>Meredithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974293935380325338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855066593161369056.post-21582890474049535102020-11-01T14:52:00.000-05:002020-11-25T17:00:59.878-05:00Relaunch<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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</div>Time for a little relaunch. Are you ready for some stories? Meredithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974293935380325338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855066593161369056.post-35107388770592638182017-11-25T15:38:00.001-05:002020-11-25T17:00:37.503-05:00a video of the crew! (2017)<font color="#000000" data-keep-original-tag="false" data-original-attrs="{"style":""}" face=""arial"">One Morning with the Cornishes </font><font color="#0000ff" data-keep-original-tag="false" data-original-attrs="{"style":""}"><a data-original-attrs="{"data-original-href":"https://quik.gopro.com/v/DWvtbV6yBJ/","target":"_blank"}" href="https://www.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/1855066593161369056/6241472633517829990#"><font data-keep-original-tag="false" data-original-attrs="{"style":""}" face=""arial""> </font><font data-keep-original-tag="false" data-original-attrs="{"style":""}" face=""arial"">https://quik.gopro.com/v/DWvtbV6yBJ/</font></a></font>Meredithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974293935380325338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855066593161369056.post-14889727213665235482017-05-30T20:53:00.002-04:002017-05-30T22:51:27.919-04:00The day nothing changed<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">Today is a day that nothing changed. Sure, there were subtleties to the day that made it different from the one before, and the nuances of life’s movement were there. But today, nothing changed.
</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have to remind myself of that, because today, something inside of my mind changed. </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7hqkrXvK-c6pUz1HsAq2Cc_TXEDR1cofhndEboki35RQrRdaUZIYYMxhJe3eLewFxm3-3sK4IZHGJvVPL70R0e3ozQhOW6BRgbxIGvuBTjc5SSJ1ennWnpKoZeqsaeEavGmdeyNekWVw/s1600/17493027_10212294386489936_1703402504011931557_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1440" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7hqkrXvK-c6pUz1HsAq2Cc_TXEDR1cofhndEboki35RQrRdaUZIYYMxhJe3eLewFxm3-3sK4IZHGJvVPL70R0e3ozQhOW6BRgbxIGvuBTjc5SSJ1ennWnpKoZeqsaeEavGmdeyNekWVw/s320/17493027_10212294386489936_1703402504011931557_o.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Today, a doctor wrote on her note pad “She has a diagnosis of cerebral palsy.”</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s a simple little sentence. Six words. They didn’t change my life nor the life of my daughter, but in my mind, something shifted.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My daughter was born early and as a result of that and some other medical complexities, she had a brain bleed at birth. When my husband and I were first introduced to her at 4.5 months old as we considered pursuing her adoption, this was explained to us. “She will one day be diagnosed with CP” the notes said. She had post-hemmorragic hydrocephalus, and had really rough first months of life. Even now as I write this she’s in the nursery hooked up to a ventilator and oxygen concentrator that helps her breathe through her tracheostomy tube, inserted right into her throat. She’s eating through a feeding tube. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She’s had a long road to get to our home, and still has many struggles in life to overcome. Even though we KNEW that this day was coming and we would hear a neurologist say the words “cerebral palsy” to us, it still shook me a little.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“She seems so happy.” “Are you SURE?” “Doctors can be wrong sometimes.” “Just wait and see what God does, he’s going to heal her brain!” “But she looks so… normal.” </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ve heard all of those statements in the last 4.5 months since we said “yes” and moved mountains to join our baby girl in a hospital several hours from our home. Most were said in a loving tone, a hopeful tone, a tone that wanted us to agree with them and believe that they were right.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The thing is, nothing changed today. She’s still “so happy.” She’s still able to be healed. She still looks “so… normal.” And yet, we have a diagnosis that says there’s brain damage to an extent that it has caused neurological deficit in motor areas of the brain, and she will need assistance to meet whatever milestones she may meet in the future.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This isn’t a ‘sentence’ with the diagnosis. God is still good, even when things are hard, and His will is still what we seek. It reminds me of Jesus’ response about a blind man when he said “He was born blind so that the works of God could be seen in his life.” I cling to that story as if Jesus was speaking directly to us some days. Six of our children have Down syndrome. Now two have a primary diagnosis of cerebral palsy.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I had a little conversation with Jesus today. He did the talking to me, because I could only listen. It's as if he was saying</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">…</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Him, and her, and him, and him, and her, and her, and her, and him… I see them all. I know their struggles. Some of their struggles are because of the environment that man put them in to. But my Father will make all things work together for the good of the Kingdom. God is going to be seen THROUGH that thing which the world sees as a deficit. Some of them, the very making of their chromosomes has been crafted to be different, so that a different part of God could be seen. Each and every person has strengths and weaknesses, areas that the Father has given more or less to each so that they can be a part of the Body of Christ. No matter what strengths and weaknesses are more evident to others, my Father has given each person a gift that they will use to Glorify Him. Their praises are heard, whether in eloquent and flawless music or in grunts and utterances of joy. Every person has purpose, has meaning. Every person is here to fulfill a role in The Church. Don’t discount anyone based on what you can physically see. My Father created them WHOLE. Each was created so that the works of God could be seen in their lives.” </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m reminded that God’s plan is intact. Our daughter didn’t change today. Today, our daughter received a diagnosis, but through the eyes of God, today was a day that nothing changed.</span></div>
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Meredithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974293935380325338noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855066593161369056.post-81452772868662921052017-05-29T19:16:00.001-04:002017-05-29T19:17:00.772-04:00Short term missions and orphanages- there's a problem here<span id="docs-internal-guid-7480e650-5677-ed02-5d05-95af9f001cce"></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Part of the biggest struggles we have with two of our children comes as a result of institutionalization and well-meaning strangers. These strangers were mostly there as “missionaries.” They were there on short term mission projects, set on “investing” in a day or week of the life of an orphan. Set on seeing children’s faces light up with joy at the candies they bring. Snuggling children in a way that parents and close family do. Strangers coming into these children’s lives for just a short time, hugging them close against their bodies and encouraging the children to give indiscriminate affection over the course of a few days only to disappear one day and never look back. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Your pictures and your memories aren’t what the mission trip is supposed to be about.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Please, if you’re considering mission trips either as a leader, a student, or someone with influence on how these short term trips are done, PLEASE consider the long term effects of indiscriminate affection and what it does to children who have been repeatedly hurt, abandoned, and whose brains are forming in a way that they will not form bonds with familiar people. Please don’t hug and kiss on children you don’t know, and whose future you don’t have in mind. Please don’t dismiss the ‘rules’ of their environment and allow chaos to break out in the ‘name’ of a week of spiritual breakthroughs for yourself.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If you need to feel good about helping orphans, consider that their buildings need to be painted, their playground updated, their toys refreshed or replaced. You can bring music and dance the day away or bring Bible lessons to teach, but where YOU need to hug and kiss on them and hold them and show them affection because YOU believe that YOU are the only one that is bringing the name of Jesus to them and in order for YOU to do this, YOU must show them affection, THEY are not going to benefit from it. No, they’re actually being destroyed. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Teaching an institutionalized child in an orphanage that strangers are the ones who give affection, even in the “name of Jesus” is debilitating for them while they grow up. They learn that those they opened up to left, just like every other important person in their lives that landed them in an orphanage to start with. They may even associate your desertion with the desertion of the Jesus and God you wanted to teach them about. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Instead of fulfilling your need to love on orphans by being physical with them, show them love by appropriate interaction of a friend or even stranger. High 5’s, side hugs, sitting face out on your lap, reading them stories, singing songs and dancing holding hands. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When you show appropriate social boundaries to children in an orphanage, you might be saving them from heartbreak and you may be making their ‘connections’ between intimacy and social boundaries grow in a way that will make their actual BRAIN CONNECTIONS form in a healthy way. Where they don’t feel your leaving as a loss, but as a stranger that came through their lives as they really should. A stranger that told them about a Father God and his Son named Jesus. That’s what we want them to remember…</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">
</span><span style="font-size: xx-small;">The fine print...</span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">*This is not talking about long term missions or local missionaries, and another way to help orphans without causing some of these issues is to support those who live by the orphanages and are bringing the Gospel into the orphanages on a regular basis and have relationships with the children!
**The result of brain connections being made in a way that doesn't allow a person to form strong bonds with familiar people are two conditions which used to both together be called Reactive Attachment Disorder. Now they've split the condition into two types and Disinhibited Social Engagement Disorder is what we see with our institutionalized children. You can read more about them in very easy-to-understand language here: https://church4everychild.org/2013/06/18/disinhibited-social-engagement-disorder/ </span></span></div>
Meredithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974293935380325338noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855066593161369056.post-63737406433028151082016-11-04T20:35:00.005-04:002020-11-25T15:32:46.117-05:00Continue Following our Family<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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</div>Whether or not you have a FaceBook account, you can follow our family's story as we continue learning and growing together at:<br><br>www.Facebook.com/TheCornishFamily<br>
<br>Meredithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974293935380325338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855066593161369056.post-29946361577680206452016-07-27T23:51:00.003-04:002022-07-27T14:21:58.545-04:00Our (Current) Outlook on Dealing with Behavior<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m often asked how we deal with behavior. Let me start with-- we do not have “well behaved angels” with Down syndrome. No, we have REAL people, REAL CHILDREN, REAL issues, REAL past hurts, and REAL trauma that we deal with around here. That means REAL behavior issues. For REAL! So, when someone stops and tells me “your children are so well behaved!” I just might be jumping up and down inside. Because we are SURVIVING! It means that at that moment, no one is actively going nuts on me :D. It’s a ‘win’!</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-7a0a135e-2f9c-68a7-1971-5726e01a339f" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Also, let me start off by saying that we are PARENTS. We aren’t professionals. Michael’s Master’s degree is in Organizational Leadership, not behavior management, and my Bachelor’s degree is in Education, not psychiatry (though I did minor in psychology! ;) ). We don’t claim to have all the answers, don’t claim to do everything right. We struggle through and are learning all the time! We find something that works for one kid, for one month, then find out they’re no longer responding to it, meanwhile we have another kid it never worked for that something different did! It’s a constant cycle of learning. That’s why this list is far from exhaustive. We are learning and trying new things ALL THE TIME.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We believe strongly that behavior is 2 things: Indicative of communication, and needing to be directly molded to be as appropriate as possible.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">How we accomplish that is also a two-fold approach. One is dealing with the behavior at hand, and the other is dealing with whatever it is communicating-- which can both work us through the behavioral challenge and help us to avoid it in the future.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">None of this is anything spectacular or new, but it is sometimes just a reminder of what we already know that prompts us to be able to more effectively deal with behavioral challenges. We don’t pretend to have all of the answers, and we are regularly met with behavioral challenges in all areas of life, so we are a definite work in progress! I wrote this simply to share where we are at right now and to put it into one place. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Remember, the ADULT behavior is also communication, and the adult’s response to the child is going to play a role in whether they want to repeat the non-compliant behavior in the future. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When met with a behavioral issue with a child, there are some initial things to keep in mind:</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">CONSISTENCY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART! </span><br />
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: lower-alpha; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When a child is ‘surprised’ by a consequence to their actions, they can become even more non-compliant. If they get away with something one time, then the next time there is a big consequence, they’re not sure whether they’re allowed to do that behavior or not. These situations will lead to more testing, especially between different adults and authority figures.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: lower-alpha; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Setting up an expectation of what will happen first, second, etc, while working through any given situation will help your child to understand that EVERY time a behavior happens, the same result will happen. This gives predictability and helps a child to desire to change their behavior when it always brings about the same result.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: lower-alpha; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If an adult cannot address a situation as the child ‘expects’ and the behavior CAN be ignored until it can be appropriately dealt with, it is likely better to ignore the situation and pretend it is unnoticed and then deal with it as soon as is appropriate rather than to give a different or unexpected response to the behavior. Ie: child is in the middle of the mall and has been asked to come to the adult. They spit. Spitting is a behavior often dealt with immediately, but in the situation with many people all over and a likelihood of escalation because of the attention that would be given to the situation, deal with the child not coming to the adult and NOT the spitting. If the spitting continues when in an area where it can be dealt with as well, then take the determined actions to address it if necessary.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: lower-alpha; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As in the example above, also consider that if more than one behavior is happening at the same time, deal with the more immediate need. In that case it was removing the child from the area first. If the behavior determined to be secondary continues after the first priority behavior is dealt with, then it can be addressed at that time. Ie: the child is still spitting when they have arrived in a quieter hallway.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Behavior is communication</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. </span></div>
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<ol style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: lower-alpha; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If the child is disobeying an adult, are they looking for attention? Testing the boundaries to see whether they are the same as other boundaries? Attempting to “sabotage” a positive experience?</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: lower-alpha; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If the child is not participating in an activity, are they doing one of the above or are they avoiding a difficult task? Nervous about compliance? Not understanding the directions of the activity? Past their attention span? Getting bored? Already accomplished the necessary skills (activity is below their ability level)? Unable to accomplish the necessary skills (requires more than they are able to produce at the moment)?</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: lower-alpha; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If the child is being disruptive with peers, are they seeking physical or auditory input from the reaction of the other child, adult, or a supervising adult? Seeking their own input in ‘hurting’ the situation (ie: hitting feels good to them)? Attempting to avoid the activity they’re taking part in? Inappropriately attempting social interaction?</span></div>
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</ol>
<ol style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><ol style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: lower-alpha; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Look at what happened before the behavior as well since it may give insight into why the child is acting that way.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It is important to distinguish whether removal or prompting is a more appropriate response to the behavior.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: lower-alpha; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If the child is in a desired activity- playing, for instance, then removal is a completely appropriate response. Overwhelming sensory activities may require removal. Areas that the physical atmosphere is directly impacting the behavior would also be appropriate for removal.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: lower-alpha; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If the child would prefer to NOT do the activity, removing the child due to behavior communicates that the negative behavior is an acceptable way to avoid the non-preferred activity in the future. </span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: lower-alpha; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If the behavior isn’t affecting the activity- physically or socially- then it may be best to ignore and not engage the behavior at all.</span></div>
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</ol>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The adult’s reaction or non-reaction plays into the entire situation.</span></div>
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<ol style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: lower-alpha; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If there is a gasping response, a rush to the child, a raise in volume, a significant facial expression, or quick and jerky movements, the child is going to interpret those things either to their benefit or detriment. ANY response is reinforcement. Reinforce what you want to see repeated. Do not reinforce what you want to stop.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: lower-alpha; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A non-reactive approach, straight faced, firm but not angry nor nonchalant, and with a very ‘intentional’ and not reactive nor harsh movement to take care of the situation is usually going to be the best way to diffuse and gain compliance.</span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: lower-alpha; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Safety issues need to be dealt with quickly and safely, however after everyone is safe, evaluate and be intentional. This may be a quick (loud) call out to the child for them to stop, or an immediate stepping in to remove a child. Then, consider the other areas of behavior listed below to deal with the situation.</span></div>
</li>
</ol>
</ol>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There is extreme importance in setting a child and adult up for success! </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Here are some tools that can be used to avoid or prepare for behaviors:</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Incremental rewards within a given activity</span></div>
</li>
<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: circle; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> This is especially helpful when an adult knows that a situation may draw negative behavior. Setting up incremental rewards prior to the point where there is an expectation of difficulty may provide a better route to success </span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Safe place”</span></div>
</li>
<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: circle; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Having an area the child knows they may ‘retreat’ to if needed that is a safe place for them to wind down when over stimulated. The child may need prompting to use this space, but it would be somewhere they will naturally calm down and are comfortable. It will look different for each child, but may include being quiet, having a preferred ‘seat’ (bean bag chair for instance), and a quieting activity (sensory bottle, calming musical toy, etc)</span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: circle; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This can also be an adaptive stroller or wheelchair when moving about in public places, which provides boundaries and ‘safety’ to a child.</span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Intentional avoidance</span></div>
</li>
<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: circle; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Does he really need to go grocery shopping when he’s already overwhelmed? Sometimes the answer is yes, but if it’s no, then be reasonable and let him stay home with someone else.</span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Positive reinforcement for specific activities</span></div>
</li>
<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: circle; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Setting up a “step one, step two, step three, REWARD” helps a child work through difficult tasks successfully because they understand that the reward will be given if they successfully navigate steps 1-3. This may need to be modified to fewer steps, etc, but keep the ‘rewards’ reasonable to be accomplished immediately. A sticker, 10 minutes on an electronic device, or a favorite short video for instance.</span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Provide choices to give some ‘ownership’ to required but non-preferred tasks</span></div>
</li>
<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: circle; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“We will stack blocks and do Mr. Potato Head. Stack blocks or Mr. Potato Head first?” Is an appropriate choice to give. “Come to me or I’m coming to you!” is not an appropriate choice for ownership. That is interpreted as a threat, not a choice. A choice needs to incorporate two activities that the child can choose between. Often choices are given when BOTH activities will be accomplished and the choice is which one the child does first. </span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Get out before you’re in too deep</span></div>
</li>
<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: circle; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When a situation is not going to go well and there’s obviously a ‘disconnect’, redirect, abandon post, and start over on your terms. It’s not always necessary to see everything through to full completion, and finishing ONE STEP then leaving is ok! AS LONG AS the child’s behavior is not the direct cause of the abandonment. Ie: The task appears to be too difficult, boring, etc, and the child is not complying, then do “just this” then change course. Attempt to finish on a high note before changing activities.</span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Prepare the child ahead of time</span></div>
</li>
<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: circle; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Talking through an activity, using video modeling, visual schedules, or social stories can help when an adult is preparing a child for an experience that may be challenging in a behavioral aspect. For instance, a trip to the dentist or even an amusement park!</span></div>
</li>
</ul>
</ul>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Even when setting up a child for the best chance of success, there are still times when behaviors need to be dealt with.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Here are some ways we work to change the situation in order to bring the child back into cooperation with the task at hand that can be used when the child is having difficult with any of the following types of situations and more: following a request to come to the adult or do another independent task, hitting or throwing during play, or being non-compliant during a work task. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ignore (is it really causing an issue that needs to be addressed? If not, ignore if that won’t cause it to escalate)</span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Verbal prompts in single steps (stating what the adult wants done or not done broken down into each piece. Ie: “stand up”, “come here” instead of simply “come here”)</span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Visual prompts (showing something that needs to be done either by modeling, using sign language, or pointing. Ie: walking on a balance beam to show them to walk on it or pointing to the floor in front of the adult indicating where they need to come.)</span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hand-over-hand prompting (setting the child up for success by positioning them to begin the procedure to complete the task on their own, ie: the adult uses their hand to put the child’s hand on their fork when they have been told to eat)</span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Physical prompting without reinforcement (putting hands over or on the child to prompt them to move on their own accord WITHOUT putting any pressure to get them to move in that direction ie: putting a hand out as if to help them stand up, but not providing resistance when they reach for it, so they still have to stand up on their own accord and will not ‘hang’ on the adult hand in order to receive feedback. Ie: placing a hand on the child’s back without putting pressure to suggest they move forward. Ie: loosely holding a child’s hand to prompt them to walk beside the adult)</span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Full physical prompting of step 1 of activity (ie: standing a child up to their feet when they’ve been asked to come, with the expectation that they complete the task independently- adult then returns to where they were when the child was prompted initially to ‘come’)</span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Time-out from a preferred activity (in a chair, stool, or specific ‘spot’ that is non-stimulating)</span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Removing items causing an issue or removing child from area causing an issue (distractions such as balls in the room being hidden, or moving the child away from a door they want to open or knock on)</span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Separating people who are conflicting with one another to both go to different activities</span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Providing a ‘coping tool’ (ie: a musical object, calming lights, sensory bottle, fan, massage, etc- typically sensory related but not ‘thrilling’)</span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Going to a “safe place” that has been set up for the child to use when overwhelmed</span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Talk through the issue eye to eye (both the reason a they are not complying and what compliance will look like)</span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Physical response (this is not appropriate for every child, depending on their history and disability, but as a piece of the tools in the tool box, a ‘swat’ can go a long way. This should always be thought-out and never ‘reactive’ or harsh. Ie: A child is reaching for a knife, a ‘pop’ on their hand will quickly make them draw back and they are less likely to reach for the knife again immediately, whereas talking to them about safety and sharp knives may be above their cognition. I again reiterate that it is not appropriate for every child depending on their history and disability, but it can be a useful tool for those that it IS appropriate for. Strong opinions against this are understandable and it is mentioned as a piece of a tool box for dealing with behavior)</span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Proximity Control” (Putting the child close by the adult, or the adult close by the child, in order to be a physical reminder that they need to behave-- ie: standing with their hand on the arm of the adult’s chair, or the adult standing directly next to or behind them depending on the situation)</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Time-in (nearby the adult in whatever the adult is doing without changing what the adult was already doing)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Time away in a secured and safe place (high chair, playroom, playpen, or even between adult’s feet on the floor)</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Logical consequences (these things are directly related to the thing that happened, and can be done with or without the child’s total comprehension of the consequence. Ie: child is cranky- early to bed that night to get more sleep. Child stole sweets- they used up their ‘sweets allowance’ for the week and are reminded of that for the following days)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Attempt to have the child communicate to the most of their abilities what is going on, while avoiding giving too many suggestions as to what the adult thinks it may be. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As I started out with, none of these behavior techniques are particularly novel in and of themselves, however as a whole, they are all tools to help adults to set up a positive environment for children and to deal with behaviors as they arise in different situations and with children who may have varying levels of physical abilities and cognition. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">((Recommended read: Stein Woodbine House Behavior and Down syndrome ))</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">~Meredith Cornish 2016
www.facebook.com/theCornishFamily</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">About us:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Michael and Meredith are parents of 11 children including 5 biological and 6 adopted children. Seven of their children have special needs including Down syndrome, cerebral palsy, autism, hard of hearing, reactive attachment disorder, mental health disorder, prematurity, and visually impaired. Their children range from 8 months to 13 years old, with their children with special needs all between 8 and 12 years old. Michael is a very hands-on dad, and during the work day he is the network administrator at a Christian school. Meredith takes care of their home front during the day including homeschooling, therapies, and medical care for their children. Michael and Meredith are passionate about their relationship with Christ and about bringing children to know and have a relationship with Him.</span></div>
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Meredithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974293935380325338noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855066593161369056.post-52010613077525550872016-02-08T12:16:00.000-05:002016-02-08T12:19:08.952-05:00Our Annual update... 2016 It has been a whirlwind of a year and an awesome one at that! <br />
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2015 in review. In 2015 we...<br />
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March: Sold our home in Florida.<br />
March: Learned we would be having a new baby (biological) in November<br />
April: Bought a house in Monroe, GA<br />
May: Finalized the adoption of Paul Matthew Cornish (age 8, with Down syndrome- adopted through private US adoption after he was living with us for 18 months, originally from Bulgaria)<br />
June: Adjusted to life in our new home and started our 2015-2016 school year.<br />
July: Spent a week in Florida visiting family<br />
August: Began AWANA with our entire family (except Kris since he's now in middle school youth group)<br />
September: Started in on annual doctor's visits galore!<br />
October: Made final preparations for our new arrival and finished up doctor's visits for the other kids<br />
November: On the 3rd we welcomed our newest daughter, Harper Naomi via repeat c-section and spent the month resting and recovering while visiting with lots of family<br />
December: More company, and Christmas! Our first Christmas as a family of 13!<br />
January: Sickness struck and we spent 2 weeks down and out.<br />
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A little about our children right now...<br />
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Aleksa: 13 years old.<br />
Favorite things to do: play with baby dolls and swing.<br />
Personality: She’s a watcher and takes in everything going on around her all the time. She is always working on figuring out social situations which can be positive or difficult depending on her frame of mind at that time.</div>
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Medical update: Behavior is still her biggest struggle.</div>
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Emma: 12 years old (13 in 2 weeks!)<br />
Favorite things to do: Play with stacking type activities and flap flat objects.<br />
Personality: Emma is a strong willed little one who always is calculating things within her perceived circle of interaction. She likes to rub the little boys' shaved heads.<br />
Medical update: She was able to go to 'inserts' which wrap all the way around the top of the foot in her shoes instead of ones that 'velcro on' and she is walking great still with less support!</div>
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Kristopher: 11 years old (12 in 3 weeks!)<br />
Favorite things to do: Play computer games, Lego’s, and explore.<br />
Personality: Kris is loving and giving, he’s a go-getter and very driven when he has something he wants to see accomplished. Kris is a leader and will step in to help with situations when he sees a need.</div>
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Wesley: 11 years old<br />
Favorite things to do: Snuggle with Odina (his service dog), roll and navigate his surroundings, hold his baby sister<br />
Personality: Wes is happy and easy going with a great sense of humor and a stubborn streak thrown in.<br />
Medical update: Wesley had 3 grand mal seizures in 2015 and was diagnosed with Epilepsy in January. This is unfortunately a common 'coexisting' diagnosis for people with cerebral palsy.</div>
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Brianna: 10 years old<br />
Favorite things to do: Play on the ipad or computer, navigate the roku, and run around outside.<br />
Personality: Brianna is a go-getter but is definitely driven by technology. She can be extremely outgoing or extremely shy in different situations.<br />
Medical update: All is well!</div>
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James: 9 years old<br />
Favorite things to do: Listen to music, RUN, and sing<br />
Personality: James is a busy busy kid who loves physical interaction and is easily overwhelmed or overstimulated.<br />
Medical update: James was diagnosed with moderate hearing loss and will receive his first hearing aides tomorrow!</div>
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Micah: 9 years old<br />
Favorite things to do: Flip through books, play ball or cars, swing, and pet the dog<br />
Personality: Micah is a charmer and is quiet and sneaky as well. He’s always wearing a smile whether he’s being sweet or a stinker.<br />
Medical update: We continue to struggle with hearing and speaking and figuring out any diagnosis for that or any reason for it.</div>
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Paul: 8 years old<br />
Favorite things to do: Pet the dog, swing, and play ball<br />
Personality: Paul is a watcher, but he’s also a snuggler. He’ll join in when he knows he’s going to be accepted into play.<br />
Medical update: Clean bill of health!</div>
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Lynae: 6 years old<br />
Favorite things to do: Color, play Minecraft, play with dolls<br />
Personality: Lynae has a leader personality, and loves to play with others. She likes to diffuse conflict and will often put others first.</div>
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Delaina: 3 years old<br />
Favorite things to do: color, play with dolls, play on the ipad, play with Harper<br />
Personality: Delaina is a fun loving kid who wants to be big all the time. She is selfless in so many ways, always going out of her way to take care of the needs or desires of others, often without them needing to express that desire.</div>
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Harper: 3 months old<br />
Favorite things to do: nurse, snuggle, and play on her ‘baby gym’ mat<br />
Personality: Harper is pretty easy going at the moment, loves to be held, talked to, and see her surroundings.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYBlXiZlNrJKz9ydsDfnmVmAVOaJCHpZZXguT94KJf36S5Opx1R-cpwJyI57fcuE0xPCzRzuGhmHaPVBEts2i2qM0Hn-Bf5zxuvvCKH9JaLPzLvbLFgER3f_ZRQsWxxr5tksMQGfViY2Y/s1600/12144713_10207148878255446_373868926361522349_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYBlXiZlNrJKz9ydsDfnmVmAVOaJCHpZZXguT94KJf36S5Opx1R-cpwJyI57fcuE0xPCzRzuGhmHaPVBEts2i2qM0Hn-Bf5zxuvvCKH9JaLPzLvbLFgER3f_ZRQsWxxr5tksMQGfViY2Y/s400/12144713_10207148878255446_373868926361522349_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Left to Right: Aleksa, Lynae, Emma, James, Micah, Brianna, Kristopher, Delaina, Paul, and Wesley</div>
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Homeschool Fire Truck Education day at our home in October 2015</div>
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Harper Naomi, born Nov 3, 2015 (~8 weeks in photo)</div>
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In front of our new home in April 2015</div>
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Kids from Left to Right: Wesley, Odina (Wesley's service dog), Brianna, Aleksa, Lynae, James, Delaina, Paul, Micah, Emma, Kristopher</div>
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For more updates, you can follow our public page at <a href="http://facebook.com/theCornishFamily">Facebook.com/theCornishFamily</a> whether or not you have a FB account. </div>
Meredithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974293935380325338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855066593161369056.post-47384198293488853442014-11-15T16:08:00.005-05:002014-11-15T16:08:36.053-05:00Where we've beenI tend to find time and then... just not... as it comes to blogging. In the most recent past there's been much more "not" than there has been "time." <br /><br />We moved, we settled in, we're doing school, we've had 30 doctor's appointments and 42 therapies in the last 6 weeks, we've attended Sundays and Wednesdays at our new church, we've bought jackets and pulled out long pants, bought boots for church, and figured out how to get everyone to the car in 40 degree weather. I'm sure our northern friends are laughing at the talk of 'cold' weather in the south, but in Florida we'd see 40 degrees in January-February for a day or three at a time, and that was that. "Down" here in north GA we're sitting in the 40's for a few days this week and I think we'll be seeing more 40's than not in the coming months. It's a total lifestyle change for us, to have to deal with JACKETS! <br /><br />Anyway, we've been living life fully, and by that I mean from 6am to 11pm ;) And everyone has been relatively healthy with just colds going through here and there. We are BLESSED and thankful to have our family together again! We've just now made it to the point where we've been back together longer than we were separated over the summer, and I think we just got over the point of trying to get our bearings straight and re group on the whole "parenting togehter" thing. :)<br /><br />Michael is enjoying his job, I'm enjoying mine, and the kids are somewhat enjoying theirs :D Of course theirs involve learning and school and obeying, and new routines and new doctors... so maybe "enjoying" is a little stretch some of the time... but everyone is generally happy anyway ;)<br /><br />That's all for now... If you'd like to see our family in action, whether or not you have a FaceBook account, you should be able to view our public page at www.facebook.com/thecornishfamily <br />Meredithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974293935380325338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855066593161369056.post-36884738436683794042014-09-03T08:00:00.000-04:002014-09-03T08:00:10.404-04:00What's in those Work Boxes? 8 types of activities to fill the drawers and the day.I blogged our <a href="http://cornishadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2014/09/five-helps-for-keeping-my-sanity-while.html" target="_blank">5 things that keep me sane</a> recently and had a lot of people raise the question-- what's in the work boxes, and what do you use to teach the kids during the day? Here's post #1 with a really basic overview. Of course, some time on Pinterest would likely yield you more results in one tap than this will, because we've purchased materials over the last 5 years of having preschoolers (and buying educational items for birthdays, Christmas, and from relatives for those also!) so our cabinets are well stocked with educational supplies that were purchased. Many of these things can be replicated from home to do the same function!<br />
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Here it is... what's inside... what the kids are working on!</div>
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What it looks like:</h2>
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I won't even pretend that it looks that amazingly organized all the time. But in general, I have drawers for 'flat' activities, I have bins galore that stay in their bins, and I have magazine organizers and small plastic document bins for other projects when I run out of drawers! :)</div>
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1. Workbooks, copy sheets, and dry erase pages...</h2>
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Right now, Brianna is working on Spectrum 1st grade math and we're starting off with review of Kindergarten Hooked on Phonics, and her books are all in dry erase pages, then in a binder and dropped in one of the BIGGER drawers which will hold the binder at a bit of an angle. She's also working on writing her name, which as you can see, my erasing is starting to take the permanent marker off with it! She's also working through a basic printing handwriting book, which I've set up for her to write in since it's easy enough to replace for $1. :)</div>
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Lynae is working through A Beka Kindergarten, so many of her drawers have numbers, letters, Bible, Science, Think and Learn, and printing practice from that curriculum. I have her "monster page corners" on books so she can find where to start each day without flipping through the book for a long time. These are just a folded strip of paper with eyes and teeth added that she and I made together. They have helped her a lot with independence and she thinks it's great to have them!</div>
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2. Bible Verse activities:</h2>
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The girls are both in AWANA at church, and this is our first experience with that. Each week they have a phrase they are supposed to learn such as "S is for Savior" along with a scripture memory verse. I took each of these and printed them on a sheet of paper, then also blew them up and cut them in strips so the girls are physically working on putting them in order, while we are working on learning the verses. To keep me organized, the date of each memory verse is written in the corner of the page as well as on the back of each strip.</div>
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3. Fun activities for ALL the kids:</h2>
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I put Snacks in one bin, the computers have 'tags' on them for time on there, the art easel also has a scheduled time, and so does the board book area. We also try to get everyone outside (barefoot and all!) at some point in the day. Sometimes these activities can hold a more structured 'value' (such as painting or making a specific project at the easel, or having an organized outdoor activity or educational computer game) but for right now I'm using those as reward time since I'm not that organized yet this year! :) </div>
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4. The "preschool play time" that every kid needs:</h2>
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There are times when we treat our children what their ages say they are, and there are times where their developmental levels are really more important. Socially acceptable but developmentally appropriate is a hard thing to figure out. Well, my kids from 2-almost 12 enjoy these same activities if they're working on a toddler/preschool developmental level, and social appropriateness goes out the window when we're working on 'skills' ... including HOW TO PLAY, which is an underdeveloped skill in many kids from orphanages, such as 3 of mine!</div>
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In the 'grouped' picture is a mailbox with letters and a package, Noah's ark and animals, a cash register that names off numbers and has some sounds, a handful of Ninja Turtles, and a Fisher Price Farm. The next picture is a Fisher Price doll house with all the farm animals arranged however Lynae saw fit this afternoon, and then a coin sorting cash register with coins that fit in SIDEWAYS (flat), which is a different skill than most coin tasks. <br />
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We throw in baby dolls and strollers, magna doodles, and other 'fun' items that hold little educational value other than teaching while they play, (some of these are pictured later). Bead mazes are a favorite of a couple of my children, so we incorporate those too!</div>
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5. Manipulatives with a mission:</h2>
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These items are fun but serve a purpose. Puzzles are good matching and fine motor as well as spatial awareness. Counting bears can be sorted by color, these have 3 sizes so can be sorted by size, and can be used as manipulatives for math problems as well. Blocks are great for stacking, but also for lining up, for completing visual puzzles of "create this shape" (trace around a group of blocks to make a picture on a piece of paper that the child has to replicate). These bean bags each have either a letter on them or are cut to a specific shape, and they can be used for teaching those specifics, for identifying colors, or for several gross motor tasks like throwing them to a target, standing on one leg or an uneven surface, etc, and bending and standing back up to pick them up. The "pie" is filled with fruits which can be picked up with the included 'tongs', or can be sorted by color or by type (there are two type of fruits per color!). Lacing beads, colored blocks, and counting bears can all be used to replicate patterns shown on a piece of paper. Lacing beads are also a great OT activity in general, both the large ones (pictured below) and small ones. Smaller ones often have letters on them and can be used for spelling words or Bible verse memory as well. Use your imagination... MANY things can be used as manipulatives that double for learning! Snap beads (pictured later) for making jewelry are a great play-and-learn skill for OT!</div>
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6. Learning toys with specific purposes:</h2>
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Seen above in the item with lots of baggies is a tin of muffins which are a shape sorter, the icing and bottom separate and each muffin has a different shape. The shape is also in the bottom of the muffin tin, so it is a two-fold activity. There is also a 'balance scale' and this is great for use with blocks, weights, beads, etc to figure out how many make it balance and understanding the concept of weight as a measurement versus size alone. Also pictured above in the top bin over the blocks is a bin of cans, which each contain a different number of a fruit or vegetable. It replicates 'canned' foods, but is used for sorting, counting, and learning what each item is. Lastly, pictured above with the puzzles is a set of 'crayon shaped' containers which contain a variety of items that are all different sizes and are all different shades of the color that crayon is representing. This teaches color recognition, but also teaches diversity within the shades of the color spectrum. </div>
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Now for some other things... Another 'cans' game, because Brianna LOVES the sorting cans above, this one has the entire alphabet and includes heavy cardboard cutouts of items starting with that letter. On the back of the cards are the word (which helps me cheat!). Also below are flash cards galore, which we use sparingly, but mostly to test knowledge rather than to teach. Vocabulary photo cards are a little different, though, and we do use those to teach and build up a vocabulary with things that establishes words some of our kids haven't heard, especially those who missed out on the first 5-8 years of learning time. In the bins below, the top is manipulatives and fine motor task items, but the bottom are puzzle cards for spelling words, doing math problems, etc. The child puts the puzzle together to solve the 'things that go together' or to write a word (each letter of a 3-5 letter word is a puzzle piece. </div>
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7. Artsy, Craftsy, easy stuff:</h2>
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I may take a peek on Pinterest every 4 months or so, but I'm seriously not a Pinterest follower. So, our arts and crafts go along with our projects, and we do a lot of crayons, color wonder markers, stencils, and, the bin in the photo below with plastic baggies in it? Those are a bunch of pre-made Oriental Trading activities to do with the letters of the alphabet (and around them is the rest of the Hooked on Phonics curriculum). We also have the art easel for drawing/tracing and coloring, and I have great plans of getting the kids painting (we picked up paint brushes and no spill containers for a certain boy's 8th birthday coming up...!) </div>
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8. The digital age:</h2>
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We have a Plex server set up at our house which runs off of one of the kids' computers. It has a category called 'educational videos'. It is the warehouse for all of our DVD's so that they don't have to be ruined by tiny fingers... but more specifically, it has the entire collection of Magic School Bus shows, Signing Time series 1 and 2, and many Leap Frog and other such videos which teach through video. We've found some for math, reading, and even teaching about the weather.<br />
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We also have 2 iPads which the kids can use (with major military grade cases on them!) and through the Guided Access function, we can lock the iPads in to an activity and they cannot unlock it. There are several apps like "Special words" created for children with special needs, or ABCMouse.com (called Learning Academy on the iPad, I believe), which are great for the kids to 'lock in on' and enjoy some digital time without the 'easy access' of the computer which, at any time, may just HAPPEN to click over to MineCraft rather than my chosen activity for them!</div>
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Michael took some old cassette tapes with stories on them and made them into MP3's which the kids can access along with the digital versions of the books right on the ipad. Don't ask me how he did it... he just did. I believe they are in the educational section of the Plex server as well!<br />
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There's also Starfall.com and PBSKids.com which provide FREE educational games and activities which are a nice down time activity or something you can really look in to and schedule in to match up with whatever you're teaching. It's great for seasonal learning, too. :)<br />
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More and more...:</h2>
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Of course there's more we do and specific different activities we have done or will do again in the future, tongs and ice cube trays and erasers and gooey lizards fill some of those bins, but to be specific would take way more time than I have right now, so... there's the basics of what we work with! :) What do you use to create environments for learning with your kids?</div>
Meredithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974293935380325338noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855066593161369056.post-80694363313233241692014-09-02T15:22:00.000-04:002014-09-02T15:22:44.033-04:00Five helps for keeping my sanity while homeschooling 9 kids developmentally under 7 (and a 5th grader!)<br />
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Say WHAT?</h2>
I'm often asked how we are able to make it work to homeschool our ten children (9 of ours and a child we are providing respite for). Seven of the kids have special needs and 6 of those kids are under 4 developmentally so it becomes our very own preschool class with 7 kids, plus kindergarten/1st grade with another 2, and then there's my 10 yr old son who is on 5th/6th grade curriculum. Quite the spread!<br /><br />Here's five little things that make it work! But first, let me dispel any thoughts of super-hero qualities which allow me to do something that you (as a homeschooling parent) feel is impossible to accomplish in a day. Let me assure you first that WE DO NOT HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER ALL THE TIME!!! And second, that YOU CAN DO IT WITH YOUR FAMILY TOO! Sure, some of the time we have it all together. And sometimes we really don't. Sometimes everyone does a full day of "school". Sometimes my 'academic' kids get all their school in and the others get a whole lot of educational TV. Or coloring and floor play. Or we have activities that take us out of the house and we call it a field trip and learn in different ways than what we can learn within the walls of our home. <br />
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Regardless, here they are... the top 5 things that help homeschooling go smoothly for us:<br />
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1. "That's MY DOT" </h2>
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The kids each have a 'family color' and we found these fun shapes which have 6 each of the 10 family colors... so we bought two sets and those whose colors aren't included know they have to adjust and whatever other one we assign to them instead will be theirs. Now you're thinking that this lets the kids know where to be. Well, yes... sometimes it is for that reason, like when we're all sitting in a group and I want the kids spread out or not next to a particular child, etc. <br />
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But truthfully.... I often use them during the day so *I* know what activity I last sat a child at, and when I find that they've taken off and are in a different room, I know where they were supposed to be!! :) See... we don't always have it together. :)<br /></div>
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The kids tend to use them creatively as well, for instance when I'm not using them, or not all of them... then they may be turned into a piece of the kids' work...</div>
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2. Make a schedule, and be ok changing it</h2>
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These are our daily homeschool sheets. Each number gets an activity assigned-- for ME to know what they're supposed to be doing. I use one of the cards on the left and stick it on the velcro dot on this page, and that is their assigned character for the day. Then the cards get placed on other activities, following that schedule, so the kids can work semi-independently through their day. There are soft velcro dots on things all over my house for these cards to go on!</div>
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You'll notice there's only two characters in all of these pictures, and that's because at the moment I'm only using the characters for Lynae and Brianna. They are the two working through work books and boxes at their own paces. I also choose to use ONE child's schedule to designate some 'family activities'. So whenever Brianna's said snack today, I brought all the kids together for snack. I just write 'all' to the side of her assignment sheet. I did the same for play dough time. I also skipped snack initially, because Brianna worked through her boxes pretty quickly this morning and I just wasn't ready! We put it 2 numbers later, and it didn't disrupt anything. She worked through a couple more assignments and then we had snack. I do NOT assign times to activities, though I do assign LENGTHS to some (like stencils, computer time, outside play, art easel, and books). I also assign time frames to each subject for Kristopher, and he moves to the next subject at that time. Timers are AWESOME for him, and for us all! </div>
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3. Trays give work space boundaries</h2>
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These are simple restaurant trays from a fast food restaurant that are slightly larger than a sheet of paper. They keep crayons close by (and not rolling off the table!) and they give the kids a work space that is defined, and keeps everything together, like blocks and other project pieces.</div>
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4. Dry erase workbooks= being able to use a workbook page 10,000 times without having anything to throw away</h2>
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Sure, you can scan workbooks, photocopy and use copies, etc. But this is a simple way to be able to use it over and over again! </div>
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Not only that, but I've taken the work books apart and put 8 different workbooks that all teach colors, shapes, numbers, addition, etc with slightly different ways... and I put ALL the shapes, ALL the addition, ALL the coins, etc... into each section. That way I'm not hunting through workbooks to get a different way to teach an activity either, and instead I can choose 3 math pages from the addition section, or 2 workbook pages on shapes. When she's done with a page, she shows it to me then we erase and go on! Many of my little ones need quite a bit of repetition to 'get' a concept, and refreshers to remember how to do it. Plus, like the picture above, it's great for a little work that is independent and successful when getting ready to begin a new subject that will challenge them. :)</div>
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5. School isn't all about academics</h2>
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School time, as you can see from the pictures above, can be a combination of all sorts of things! We work on colors and sorting and shapes and numbers, and fine motor and gross motor and... and ... and... Computer time and art time are built into the day, and of course time to play outside! Snack, and lunch, and we have a built in time of day when we have 'quiet time'. That means each of the kids either finds a quiet activity to do on their own (or finishes their school work...) or they sit quietly in the family room where we put on a movie and turn the lights down. The two littlest take naps in their beds during this time. Below are some of the 'organization' that we have, so the toys on and under the table can be used for play time and school, and the activities in the (locked) cabinets can be taken out individually for specific activities. </div>
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Care to share?</h2>
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What are your helps that get you through your homeschooling days with a tad bit of sanity intact? I'd love to glean from your tips too!</div>
Meredithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974293935380325338noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855066593161369056.post-21542939476896385452014-04-14T14:30:00.001-04:002014-04-14T14:30:53.619-04:00BROKENNESS<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14.44444465637207px; line-height: 21.46666717529297px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />Definition: In the positive spiritual sense, brokenness is the condition of being completely subdued and humbled before the Lord, and as a result, completely yielded to and dependent upon Him also.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">When you don't feel like God is near, you don't feel like He hears you or cares about you, when you feel like your world is falling apart and like the God so many profess and love has meant nothing to you. When you cannot describe the hurt and pain in your life and feel that no one else can possibly understand. When you question the decisions of today, tomorrow, and a thousand yesterdays. When you want to yell and scream at the God of the Universe but then you wonder why you would waste your energy because it doesn't feel like He's really there anyway. When you question the very existence of God because He's never meant anything to you personally, but you can't bear to say it out loud because you were raised in the idea of Christian beliefs as a societal rule even though it was filled with hypocrisy and idle faith. When God feels like someone else's fairy tale and a mind game that successful people throw around. When you feel bitterness toward those that experience success and feel anger at your own defeat. When you can only find your worth in other people's success (for instance, your children), or when your worth comes from something physical (a bottle, a needle, or even just chocolate and french fries...). When your friends cannot understand your lack of interest in their God and you cannot bear to tell them that you're not interested because you NEED their love and support. Or when they scoff at the idea of God and run their lives their own way. When life falls apart. When you have nothing left to give. When you ache for normal, peace, and for the "good old days" again...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">There... at the bottom, without hope, there truly is ONE who wants to help you. Wants to heal your heart. Wants to lead you toward happiness. Wants to give you worth. Wants to help you see past the dirty of today into the tomorrow. He doesn't take away our consequences for life's choices, but He listens. He doesn't reject you, and He doesn't backlash if we reject Him. He does require that we accept His gifts for ourselves, though, because we cannot ride on the shirttails of our ancestors to say we are Christians. We have to see past our grandfather's faith and lay our own lives down.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"I have nothing left, and I don't feel like you have ever cared" Cry it out to Him.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"I want to make things right in my life, and I know I need help to do that!" He really does hear your pleas.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"I need to see a brighter tomorrow. I need Hope back, I need Joy back." He can give those things, but you do have to ask for them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"I want to have you as a part of my future. I want to hear you, to feel you, to know you are really there, because right now, I don't." He's ok with your real feelings, you don't have to pretend.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Even this... "I don't like you, I don't know if I want you. But I need to tell you that!!"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">BROKENNESS... Laying your life out, prostrate without barriers before the Lord because your heart is so overwhelmingly burdened for something that words don't come and only the utterances of your heart can form prayers.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Cry out to Him. Find an empty room, park your car where you can be alone. Let yourself be vulnerable before God. Tell him how you feel! And wait. And listen. And feel.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Yesterday was Palm Sunday, the day we mark as a celebration of Jesus' arrival in Jerusalem. Where the week began with great celebration and ended with Jesus' crucifixion and death. But the new week began again after the time of darkness, despair, and agony. Literal DEATH through the most torturous means available. Having thorns pierced through his head, and hanging by nails in his hands and feet. Not because he was a robber or a rapist or a murderer or anything else. Because on the cross he took the sins that you and I have committed, all the sins from the beginning to the end, and He bore them on the cross. His heart broke in the physical sign of stresses, he sweat blood. And he still showed mercy to the man on the cross beside him even in his final hours.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">There is forgiveness. There is mercy. There is a REAL God, a real Jesus Christ, His son. And He wants to be a part of your story. A part of your healing. A part of your life past your grandmother's faith. He wants to be real to you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Find your place, let your emotions out, be angry, be sad, be whatever you need to be... be yourself. God is big enough to hear it all. To bear it all. And He already did, on that cross.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The story doesn't end with the cross, though. It ends with the resurrection, where God came to earth and showed us all that He has overcome the grave, given forgiveness beyond what man alone can do in his own heart. That through Jesus Christ we can know and have direct access to God the Father. That our sins weren't forgiven here on earth alone, but in Heaven, and that He wants to have a relationship with us, and to give us the genuine gift of eternal life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">It's not a fairy tale of your friend's successes, but a true faith with a living God.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Find him. Search Him out. Be real with Him. Then if you will, come, tell me about it so I can celebrate with you and pray for you on your continued walk toward Him. It doesn't mean everything bad goes away, but it means you have the Hope, the Joy, the One who never leaves you by your side to face the hard times in life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">This Easter season, look for Jesus. He's waiting to hear from you...</span>Meredithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974293935380325338noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855066593161369056.post-24507062932388606672014-01-13T16:10:00.000-05:002014-01-13T16:12:28.046-05:0017 Nosy Questions about special needs adoption- ANSWERED<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">You know the questions that people WANT to ask, but they’re not sure how to ask them in a way that doesn’t come across as nosy, insulting, or otherwise inappropriate? Close friends can discuss it, and others that have walked in similar shoes have experienced similar and will share their own responses as well, but for you or I to just walk up to someone and ask what we REALLY want to know, well, it just wouldn’t be appropriate. <br class="kix-line-break" /><br class="kix-line-break" />There is a difference between something that someone NEEDS to know and something they simply desire to. Curiosity. Many times we’ll be told not to answer questions of curiosity because it’s really not necessary. I think differently, and so do several influential historical people:</span></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-288eb6b7-8d5b-2d4d-9fc8-545f2e080315" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.” </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">― </span><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/9810.Albert_Einstein" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Albert Einstein</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we're curious...and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.” </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">― </span><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3510823.Walt_Disney_Company" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Walt Disney Company</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift would be curiosity.” </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">― </span><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/44566.Eleanor_Roosevelt" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Eleanor Roosevelt</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And so, even when there may be a bit of discomfort in the actual conversation that surrounds these questions, I feel like putting it out there is a way to help others to see what adoption and special needs parenting is really all about. There are questions that are intended to be nosy or rude. These aren’t those. These are the questions that are meant to understand, to inspire.<br class="kix-line-break" /><br class="kix-line-break" />These are the responses to those hard questions from 13 moms of multiple children with special needs...</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1. Did you fall in love at first sight, or does it take a while to have it feel like the child is really “yours?”</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Amy: Sometimes, but "knowing" a child was mine and "feeling" it are different. Sometimes the bonding was quick, usually it took time to fully feel that true mom/child connection.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Jaclyn: I have fallen in love with many orphans and still love them, but the feeling when I saw my sons was so overwhelming it brought me to tears. The feeling was soooo strong that I could not deny that God was calling me to GO! </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/thecornishfamily" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Meredith</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: I think the idea of love came quickly, but the ‘love’ I had for each child initially and the LOVE I had for them a year-18 months home was amazingly different. Initially I cared for and about them, but once that true bonding occurred between the two of us, it was a deep and indescribable love that you know with very few people in a lifetime.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sara 1: When I first saw her photo, it was like love at first sight. I felt like I knew her, as if there was some sort of connection all ready. Seeing her for the first time in person I still felt that connection, pull and love towards her, but it was mixed with fear as she was more "feral" than we had expected. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sara 2: Yes, as soon as she was placed in my arms I was in love with her. It was as if she was born to me. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="about:blank" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Alysha</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: Yes...first sight of their picture where the idea of who they are is different then who they really are. Seeing them for the first time in real life was surreal and one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Both times my heart felt exactly like it did when I first saw my bio kids...it just knew they were mine. No matter how hard it might be at times, they are mine and my heart knows it.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">J: Love at first sight with the first 3 who were all toddler age, not as much with our older two, still excitement but not the motherly, protective feeling right away.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2. How did your biological kids really react to having a new child in the house?</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Amy: We started our family by adoption, then biological kids, then adoption, so.....</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Jaclyn: There was definitely a honeymoon period. At first, the boys could do no wrong, but now they treat them about like they treat each other. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/thecornishfamily" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Meredith</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: It depends on the child. Our kids already in the home LOVED our first two adopted children. Both were much like infants. The third child that entered was with just as much enthusiasm as he was like an older infant/young toddler. The fourth and fifth came home together and one was readily accepted, but the other was walking, in to the other kids’ things, and quite honestly wasn’t very nice. Other kids in our home have said they didn’t like her at times, and I can’t blame them. I didn’t like her at times either. But love? Love is different, and there is definitely love between every set of sibling. Not a single child would wish they didn’t have a single sibling. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sara 1: My then 4 yr old traveled with us and knew for many months that we were working towards bringing her sister home. She was very excited. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sara 2: Very excited to have a baby in the house. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Lorraine: Our biological kids have welcomed each and every new sibling with open hearts and open arms. We've always included our children in the prayer process when God call us to adopt another child, and God has never led us to adopt a child without already turning our children's hearts toward that child. Once the new child is in our home/family, it's no different than when a new biological sibling is born. There's the usual transitions and adjustments all families have when a new member is added, but nothing God can't handle. Everyone learns together how to adjust to the new normal.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Shelley: My bio kids don't remember what it is like for a child to enter the family in the "traditional" way (ie: mommy pregnant/new baby being born). So, for them, children joining our family through adoption is the "normal" way. They were always accepting of the new kids.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">3. You adopted out of birth order- did the kids already in your house feel displaced?</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Amy: we adopted out of order, but added in the middle so it worked out fine. Might be different if the new child became the oldest.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Jaclyn: Our boys became #3 and #4 of 5. Amusingly, our youngest is the only one who feels "displaced" because even though the boys are 2 years older than her they are both smaller. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sara 1: No she did not feel displaced, likely due to the fact that developmentally she was still much older though. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/thecornishfamily" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Meredith</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: We chose to let our oldest/firstborn always stay the oldest, but even that looked different than we anticipated. He is developmentally the oldest, and physically the biggest, but by age he is 16 months younger than one sister and 12 months younger than another. Since they were not encroaching on his “man of the house” status (under Daddy, of course), he never has minded their chronological age being older than him. Our other kids came in the middle, within 7-8 months of another bio child of ours, and she loves the close siblings. Again, she is older than both of them. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Lorraine: Our adoptions have been all over the place, and most definitely out of birth order. Our first adoption was of an 11-year-old girl. Our bio kids were ages 9, 11, and 13 when our 11-year-old daughter joined our family. So, we entered adoption out of birth order. Then we adopted a 4-year-old, then a 22-month-old, then a 17-year-old (who became our oldest child), then a 5-year-old and her 7-week-old half sister, then two 6-year-olds. So, our oldest biological child is no longer the oldest child in our family, and some people feel that's a huge deal. But, our oldest child agreed and was willing to give up his position as the oldest because he had a tender heart for adoption and a true understanding of redemption through adoption. He knew this because he first experienced it for himself through his adoption and redemption by our Savior, and he also experienced the adoption and redemption of several other family members being adopted into our family from hard situations. Our other two biological children were not the oldest to begin with, so they were not at all concerned about adopting someone older than themselves. One of our adopted daughters is four months older than our biological daughter, and they're best friends. Sure, it was challenging at first, but I think most of those challenges would have occurred regardless of the age difference. God has worked out each and every detail, and, for us, personally, our children (bio and adopted), their hearts are much more concerned about helping others than protecting their position in the family birth order.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Shelley: No. We did respect the fact that our youngest enjoyed being the "baby" of the family. We only added a child IN birth order (ie: as the youngest) after our youngest bio child indicated that she wanted to be a big sister.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">4. Were you ever afraid the child wouldn’t bond with you?</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Amy: Yes! Our 2nd international adoption our son wanted nothing to do with me (as in screaming like he was being murdered if my husband left the room)! It took a year, but he loves me and visa versa. He is now my biggest mama's boy!</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Jaclyn: Definitely!! Adam bonded very quickly. It is taking Matthias much longer since he cannot hear and speak. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/thecornishfamily" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Meredith</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: I wondered for the first year after our first adoption, but as the love story slowly unfolded, I learned that working to gain our first adopted daughter’s love and trust was very different than the ‘easy love’ with the boy we adopted at the same time. Our third child had a ‘transferrable bond’ with a single caregiver since birth, and I never really was concerned with his bonding. Our 4th and 5th children, one bonded quickly and easily, and our daughter, now 3 years home, continues to struggle with bonding. We take it a day at a time and know that God is sovereign in this too!</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sara 1: Sometimes I would think about that as a possibility, but I had talked to a few people who had spent much time with her, so I didn't actually worry about it. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sara 2: Yes, she had suffered many different care givers at the hospital over her first two months and displayed many classic signs of attachment disorders. She was in SO much distress all of the time, for a few weeks I wondered if she would ever relax into me and feel safe. Which she did after about a month and a half. She is FIRMLY bonded to us now. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Shelley: Not until it happened</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.gillianmarchenko.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Gillian</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: Yes, I was afraid that she wouldn't bond with me, and it has proven to be a challenge. But what has totally surprised me was my struggle with bonding with her. I assumed it would be her issue, but it turns out, it has been something both of us have had to work on together.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">5. Do you expect your typical kids to care for your special needs children when you’re no longer able to? </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Boston: No I don't expect it, though I believe they'd be willing. They are our children and we made this decision. All responsibility is ours.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Amy: No. However, THEY talk about caring for them when they are older.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Jaclyn: Definitely not, but I imagine they will want to. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sara 1: No, I do not expect any of my typical children to take care of our disabled children when we are no longer here. I do however expect them to care about them, make sure that they are cared for, spend time with them etc, as they would of a typical sibling. I don't worry about this because they are very close and I can't see one abandoning the other. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sara 2: No, I would not expect my other children to care for her if we were unable. Unfortunately it's not likely that it would ever be a consideration given her diagnosis and life expectancy. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/thecornishfamily" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Meredith</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: No, we don’t expect them to take care of our children with disabilities, however we do hope they will want to be involved in their lives and have an impact on the care that their siblings receive when we cannot provide that anymore.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Lorraine: We don't expect anything. We seek what God desires and trust in His sovereignty, believing He has a plan and it is good. Several of our children have expressed that they wouldn't have it any other way than to help care for their siblings who have special needs after we're no longer here to provide that care. The love runs DEEP. However, if our children live overseas or are in situation where they're unable to help care for their siblings who have special needs, or even if they choose not to for whatever reason, we have complete faith that God will provide that care through someone special. We don't feel like we have to figure this out before we say YES to adopting children when special needs. We trust God has a plan and it is good. He will provide the care each of our children needs, and, for us, it doesn't matter if the care is provided by a sibling or another person God places in the lives of our children who have special needs---we just trust He WILL provide. But it's heartwarming to see the depth of love God has woven into our children's hearts, connecting them as siblings who passionately love and protect one another. Our children all pitch in pretty much 24/7 on a daily basis, not because they have to, but because they want to.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Shelley: Absolutely not.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="about:blank" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Alysha</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: I've enjoyed listening to my girls go back and forth over who will have who live with them when they get older. Not even talking about it in a sense of my husband and I being gone. Just wanting to have their bro's with them . It blesses my heart. They already make plans over taking their bro's to the movies, Disneyland and so on. I know they don't really get the gist of maybe one day really having to "care" for them, but I know in my heart that they don't see their bro's as burdens the way the outside world does.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="http://cornishadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2014/01/17-nosy-questions-about-special-needs_13.html" target="_blank"><br /></a></span></div>
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<a href="http://cornishadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2014/01/17-nosy-questions-about-special-needs_13.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; line-height: 17px; white-space: pre-wrap;">CONTINUED!!... </span></a><br />
<span style="background-color: #edf4ff; color: #888888; font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px;">Part 2: <a href="http://cornishadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2014/01/17-nosy-questions-about-special-needs_13.html" target="_blank">http://cornishadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2014/01/17-nosy-questions-about-special-needs_13.html</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: #edf4ff; color: #888888; font-size: 13px;">Part 3: </span><a href="http://cornishadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2014/01/17-nosy-questions-about-special-needs_8399.html">http://cornishadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2014/01/17-nosy-questions-about-special-needs_8399.html</a></span></div>
Meredithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974293935380325338noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855066593161369056.post-50247776112207910122014-01-13T16:09:00.000-05:002014-01-13T21:30:18.199-05:0017 Nosy Questions about special needs adoption- ANSWERED (part 2)<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">ANSWERS TO PREVIOUS QUESTIONS: </span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-size: 15px; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span>Part 1: <span style="background-color: #edf4ff; color: #888888; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;"><a href="http://cornishadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2014/01/17-nosy-questions-about-special-needs.html">http://cornishadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2014/01/17-nosy-questions-about-special-needs.html</a></span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">6. Do you worry a child can’t be “turned around” if they have a difficult history before coming to you?</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">J: I am very much worried about that right now </span></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-288eb6b7-8d62-e83e-6b02-6fed234f317c" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Amy: When we adopted a child with a significantly traumatic history and severe attachment issues, I realized that we couldn't "fix" her and she might never truly heal from her wounds. We realized all we had control of was how we loved her and not if she responded to that love. That is hard! I realized that loving unconditionally is so hard in reality (no matter how much you understand "why").</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Jaclyn: I always worry about the future of all my children. My biggest concern is whether or not Adam will be able to function in a "normal" manner later in life. He literally has only half a brain because they left his hydro untreated. Either way, we love and adore him!! </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sara 1: I didn't with this adoption, but it is always a thought in my head when considering other adoptions. Mostly because I have to make sure that my children at home are safe, not because I'm not willing to parent a troubled child. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Shelley: EVERY adopting family should realize that there is always the possibility that you can't "fix" the child. If you are going into adopting with the idea that you are "fixing" or "saving" a child, I'd recommend you rethink things.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/thecornishfamily" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Meredith</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: I’ve experienced, as a sibling to adopted children, that love doesn’t cure history. It’s not up to me to turn a child around, but to love them through it and to trust in God’s delight of His child. I hope and pray my children will all learn to love the Lord and find healing in Him, however I am not naive enough to believe that I have the capability to change a person’s heart from the inside out except through Him.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">7. How do you make the decision to adopt a child when you have vulnerable children at home? Have you ever been concerned about the child being unkind to or resenting the children with special needs?</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Jaclyn: All of my children including my bio kids have special needs. We made the decision as a family. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/thecornishfamily" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Meredith</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: We have only adopted children with significant special needs, so our concern with them resenting another’s needs was never really a thought. We do, however, have safe practices in our home because even though all of our adopted children have significant needs, they are not always safe left unattended with one another, either. We have gates as physical boundaries at night and use other similar practices in the daytime when needed.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.enteringtheborderland.blogspot.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Erin</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: I cannot recommend hosting enough. We had 3 little kids at home. Our daughter who is also adopted has CP, so she is vulnerable on many levels to "older kids" in the home. We hosted a sibling group of older boys a total of 3 times (individually and together). We went into it as a short term mission to a child for the summer, expecting it to NOT work long term. Instead found that they got along well with our other children, our other kids LOVED them, and they didn't have any alarming/concerning negative behaviors. We also just had a peace about them while they were here and after much prayer and careful consideration, we adopted them. I have also seen other families host with intent to adopt and come to the realization during hosting that it will NOT work with the other kids in their home because of behaviors that become evident or the desires of the host child. Our boys got to experience our home and our rules several times and they asked us to adopt them. I think that has made our transition with them much easier than if we had just showed up at their orphanage. If we had not hosted, we would NEVER have considered adopting "older kids."</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">8. What do you do about the feelings you have because you can’t bring them ALL home?</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Jaclyn: I knew going into it that I could likely only "save" one or two. I continue to advocate and encourage others to do the same. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sara 1: It's a horrible feeling. For us we knew that one little boy HAD to get into a family and we came home and advocated for him. If no one had gone for him, we would have returned. Beyond that I know that I can't take them all of I would just have my own version of an orphanage, so I do what I can to help anyone else who wants to adopt, and I try to share as much as I can about adoption with as many people as I can. I also try to support my daughter's old orphanage however I can. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/thecornishfamily" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Meredith</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: I try to advocate for those left behind as well as the general care of orphans, but it is a burden that doesn’t go away.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/schummexplosion" target="_blank">Allison</a>: I try to motivate other people to bring home children.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">9. How do you get the feeling that that child is the “right” one?</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Jaclyn: God...... It is the only answer I have. I prayed. He answered!! </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br class="kix-line-break" />Sara 1: How do you ever know anyone is the one, your best friend, your partner? It's a feeling you get, one of peace that says that this is a right option for you. And it's up to you to move forward with that or not. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/schummexplosion" target="_blank">Allison</a>: The feeling of connection to a child/sibling group just wont go away. I pray about it and if it wont go away I know God is trying to tell me something. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Brittany: For us, it has always been the feeling of immediate excitement versus the feeling of trepidation. For each of our adopted children, I had an immediate sense of peace in my heart and excitement in our responses/conversations about the situation. For every situation we ultimately turned down, we are now able to look back and the first thoughts we had about the situation were somewhat unsettling. We, of course, have had fears, thoughts, questions etc each and every time we are presented with a situation, but when we have been the right family for that child, there is a sense of peace that comforts and quiets the mumbles and allows us to leap (with faith) forward.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">10. Do you ever truly love your adopted children like you do your bio children?</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">J: Yes! </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Jaclyn: Definitely! They are my kids. As my friend told me once..... does it matter if a package comes via UPS or Fed Ex?? God sent them to me as my children and I love them all. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sara 1: Yes you can. But I think it's possible to love all of your children differently, biological and adopted. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sara 2: Absolutely. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Lorraine: Yes. Having both biological and adopted children, I can honestly say there's no difference between the love. There's a special relationship with each child that looks different because each child IS different. I would bet that if people watched us interact with our children without noticing skin color, people wouldn't be able to tell which ones are biological and which ones are adopted because there's no difference in our love for them.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.gillianmarchenko.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Gillian</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: Do you ever truly love your adopted children like you do your bio children? Bonding has been an issue for Evangeline and I but four years in I can say that I love her, and I don't see her differently than my other children. Do I still struggle? Yes? But it makes it a lot easier when there is love.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">11. What was the biggest difference between kids from US foster care and kids from other countries as far as how they do in a family? </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Boston: Surprisingly, there were WAY more institutional begavour's in our foster adoption situation. She was essentially in a nursing facility and they cared for her, but she spent a lot of time in a pack and play.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sarah 1: I don't think it's kids from overseas orphanages vs. kids from North American foster care. Children are all different, and they take in a deal with their life experiences in their own ways. A child who has been living in a MI may be better adjusted if they were well feed, and allowed to play, and talked to, and liked by staff and other residents then a child who has been severely neglected and or abused by a birth family and then placed in an abusive foster home (or even just a foster home ill equipped to meet the child's specific needs). </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://godsrainbowsinourlives.blogspot.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Amanda</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: Kids from orphanages in my opinion adapt MUCH easier to family life. . . Kids from foster care have been taught what a family is over and over and over, but every time it was a wrong view and they were again moved. This means that you have to try to get them to change their view. Whereas kids in an orphanage don't even have a view of family yet. It is MUCH easier in my opinion (after 8 from orphanages and 12 from US foster care) to teach them what a family is the first time, than it is to try to change their view of family from something negative to something positive.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/thecornishfamily" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Meredith</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: Our son from foster care adapted easier to our family than any of our other kids, except maybe our first son, who was much like an infant. Our foster-adopt had a single loving adult in his life from 3 months to 3.5 years, then came to our home. One of our children from an orphanage was unused to being held or touched and so sensory deprived that she had a difficult time adapting to life outside of her crib and would scream to be put back in her crib. Another daughter was raised like a pack-animal and had no social boundaries, knowledge of appropriate interaction, manners, or knowledge of the many ‘ordinary’ things in life like waiting for food to cook or going to a grocery store. It felt like we were training an animal at first, and she had such a long time of all of that, that we are still trying to get through some of that.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">CONTINUED... </span></span><a href="http://cornishadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2014/01/17-nosy-questions-about-special-needs_8399.html" style="line-height: 1.15;">http://cornishadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2014/01/17-nosy-questions-about-special-needs_8399.html</a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span>Meredithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974293935380325338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855066593161369056.post-90888701887986547862014-01-13T16:08:00.000-05:002014-01-13T16:38:20.874-05:0017 Nosy Questions about special needs adoption- ANSWERED (Part 3)<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: normal;">ANSWERS TO PREVIOUS QUESTIONS: </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span><span style="background-color: #edf4ff; color: #888888; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Part 1: <a href="http://cornishadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2014/01/17-nosy-questions-about-special-needs.html">http://cornishadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2014/01/17-nosy-questions-about-special-needs.html</a></span></div>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: #edf4ff; color: #888888; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; white-space: normal;">Part 2: <a href="http://cornishadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2014/01/17-nosy-questions-about-special-needs_13.html" target="_blank">http://cornishadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2014/01/17-nosy-questions-about-special-needs_13.html</a></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>
12. Did you ever feel ‘stuck’ after you adopted, that you weren’t happy with the ‘end results’ of what your family became?</b></span></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-288eb6b7-8d64-f960-0ab9-fded1b111a6b" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Jaclyn: Not yet. I feel overwhelmed at times as every mother does, but I felt the same way when I had 2 bio kids very close together. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sara 1: I have NEVER felt stuck or unhappy with who my family has become. I have however felt disappointed with myself as a parent when I'm unable to met my daughter's needs in the way that she needs. It's something that I work on daily. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">J: Never felt stuck with the first 3, fit in nicely even with lots of medical needs. But do I feel "stuck" at times now....yes, I spend every day praying for the confusion and guilt to fade.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.gillianmarchenko.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Gillian</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: Yes, I've experienced this emotion several times since my child came home. The trick is to pray and breath through those times. I can't take a bad day as a bad life. We live day by day. There is always tomorrow.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="about:blank" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Alysha</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: I think I feel more of a compassion for him then love. I don't feel like I love him and have bonded to him the way I did our Isaac in the first 8 months of being home. It really has been a hard adjustment to him. His needs can be time consuming, overwhelming, and his whooing's annoying. He never learned to interact with others . This has made bonding with him tough. He usually doesn't give any type of affection back. He just doesn't know how. We weren't expecting his needs to be as great as they are. I have faith it'll get better and I will feel bonded to him in the same way I do my other kids..but I guess it's just going to take more time. I don't regret him being home and wouldn't change it, but I do wish it was easier.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">13. How do you keep a reasonable expectation of life-after-adoption when all you have to go off of is a photograph and a short write up about a child ahead of time?</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Jaclyn: This question always gets me...... I did not get to chose what special needs my bio kids had and honestly I did not get to choose what special needs my adopted kids have either. God knows I do not like surprises, but he also knows I worry way too much if I know in advance, so he surprised me with my child being deaf and my other son being blind..... I always say I didn't choose them God chose them the same way he chose my bio kids!!! </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sara 1: I think that problem is if you have expectations based on a photo and a brief summary. You need to have zero expectations, and then move up from there as you get to know your child. Things as simple as basic manners, if the child has never been taught or expected to use them, you will have to teach them and remind them. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/thecornishfamily" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Meredith</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: I’ve felt from the beginning that God protected us in our first adoption. We had this idealized view of what the two children would be like that we were planning to adopt, and though we met them both, we were unable to adopt one of them and we found someone else was coming to adopt the second. We ended up bringing home two totally different children in every sense. Our children we intended were somewhat independent, walking, and generally “healthy” children with special needs. The children we brought home in the end were both like infants, neither walking or supporting their own head even, and both had some medical complexities. After meeting the “photo children” we learned how much we had built an idea of personality from our own dreams. We did bring home one of those photo children years later, and God prepared our hearts for her many additional needs in that first meeting. After that, it was easier for us to NOT set up false expectations for future adoptions, which is really what is necessary!!</span></span><br />
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://godsrainbowsinourlives.blogspot.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Amanda</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: I don't have expectations really I don't guess. I just expect that they are kids who have no idea what to expect. They don't know what is happening and are afraid. I have to be on constant supervision until we learn more about them and also be constantly aware that they need constant reassurance while giving them plenty of space. Everything is a balancing act in the beginning. You have to learn from the child what they need and how to parent them best. Every child is different. You have to know that the write up is most likely wrong. You go into it with the knowledge that this is a special little person that God has made and you love for who they are. . . you just have to learn exactly who that is. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Brittany: I've learned to have no expectations… :)</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">14. Do you wonder if your typical kids will resent that you adopted more children with special needs? </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Boston: I think we view it as an opportunity for our children to realize concretely that the world doesn't revolve around them and that we take our faith seriously in that we are commanded to care for the orphan and the needy.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Jaclyn: All my kids have varying "special needs" (bio and adopted). I honestly do not think there is a such thing as "typical".</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sara 1: No I don't. This is the life that she has always known, and now she will continue to know it. These are her sisters, period. They are not her adopted sisters, they are not a charity that we are providing, they are our family. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sara 2: We asked and the SW asked our other girls if they wanted to adopt the baby and keep her with us forever before we adopted. They had no idea that saying no was even an option before we asked them, but then they couldn't figure out why we would consider "getting rid of her". She was their sister from the first time they met her in the hospital. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">J: Our younger bio accepts adoption as normal and assures me he will adopt in the future. My 16 year old resents it already. Not so much with the first 3 who are medically needy, he bonded with them but the last 2 he still asks us to disrupt due to intense behaviors and emotional needs.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/thecornishfamily" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Meredith</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: Our biological children may go through a season with something like this, but as things are right now, they ask about adopting again on a regular basis, and are very accepting of our children, friends’ children, and really even complete strangers’ kids with special needs. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">15. If your child exhibits behavioral problems later on, would you regret the decision of having adopted them?</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">J: It would depend on if it negatively affected the rest of our children or damaged our family unit and how severely.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Amy: We have dealt with some very challenging behaviors and unexpected diagnosis. There were times I honestly questioned God why He allowed us to experience the painful stuff. In the midst of it, we truly knew adopting that child wasn't a mistake. Thisis one of the reasons it is vitally important for both a husband and wife to be in agreement about an adoption. Coercing a spouse to adopt and then running into issues could be disastrous, not just for the adoption, but the marriage! you aren't guaranteed an outcome with biological kids either. Would you regret giving birth to a child if they made poor choices?</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Jaclyn: Of course NOT! Every child has the potential to have behavior problem. While adopted kids may be prone to it, it does not mean it will happen. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sara: Never. Partly because I don't believe in regret, but mostly because she is MY daughter. We were meant to be in each other's lives, good and/or bad. We are here to get through this together. It is my job to help her through any and all of that. Figure out the cause, find healing and coping strategies so that she can LIVE her life as best as she can. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/thecornishfamily" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Meredith</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: There are no promises. Similar to the idea of whether a chlid’s past can be “undone”, you don’t know what will happen and have to trust God with it all.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">16. Which kids are your real children and which did you adopt? </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Jaclyn: All of my kids are my real kids. My girls came to me as infants while my boys had to wait 6 whole years for me to find them. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sara 1: Which are biological and which are adopted? Because all are real. But honestly, if it's not asked in a rude way I have no problem kindly correcting them in their wording. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/thecornishfamily" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Meredith</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: My hope would be that people would learn to ask instead, “are you comfortable telling me about how each of your kids joined your family?” All our kids are our real kids. We do openly share about our children’s adoptions, however if our children had a different reaction to adoption, or if they had a different level of understanding of their past hurt, we might be more hesitant to approach this subject with a stranger.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">17. How would you handle things if a child decided they wanted to find their biological parent? Would you feel jealous? </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Boston: My daughter sees her birth mother by Skype because she lives in Ukraine. I think birth parent involvement is very unique to. Each family situation. With one adopted child, we consider her mother family. With the other we would never allow contact.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Jaclyn: This question varies per child. Adam was wanted by his family. They wanted to keep him, but laws in their Country and lack of finances forced their hand. I hope to find them one day, so they can see how good he is doing. Matthias has siblings (a twin) and I will encourage him to look for them. As far as his parent go, we do not know about his dad and his mom abandoned him. I will still support him if he decides to look, but I also plan to be open and honest about the circumstances as well.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sara 1: No, I wouldn't feel jealous. We are searching for more info at this time, so that we will have it if she ever wants it. It is not worth your time to worry about jealous feelings towards your child's bio parents. If you are going to adopt you MUST accept the fact that your child has biological parent, who are NOT you. And no matter who they are or what they've done they will hold a part of your child's heart (even if your child doesn't recognize that).</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sara 2: We do see her biological parents, and I provide them with regular updates and photos. I was worried about what our relationship would be like, but we were able to easily settle into a comfortable rhythm (which I am VERY thankful for!!!). </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">J: I WANT to find some of my kids birth parents though I have no idea how. I would love to tell them your/my child is loved, cherished and happy! They are OK! A few are in jail and I would probably discourage them from making contact as adults but I would respect their decision if they felt they needed/wanted to.
<b>HAVE MORE QUESTIONS?</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Feel free to leave a comment, and as long as it is a honest and respectful question, it will be published and adoptive parents are welcome to pop in and answer it for you from their perspective. :)</b></span></span></div>
Meredithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974293935380325338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855066593161369056.post-36946107407047645302013-12-31T07:30:00.000-05:002014-01-10T15:01:25.654-05:00The Special Needs Family's New Year's Resolutions<span style="font-size: large;">I'm sure that many families with members with special needs can relate: we don't make the same resolutions that most families do. No, ours are just a little different. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The Special Needs Family's Resolutions (aka: dreams...)</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">1. </span>Re-toilet-train our son (third time's a charm?)<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">2</span>. Teach our son to sleep through the night (one can dream... but not while we're awake!)<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">3.</span> Get son to eat some form of solids without vomiting (it will raise the food budget but cut down on the bleach and lysol!)<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">4.</span> Find a combination of overnight diapering that will keep us from changing sheets in the morning (this is a health goal for the parents- to keep our backs from going out from crawling around on bunk beds daily!)<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">5. </span>Re-toilet-train our son (Ok, he was only BM trained before, but this time, we're going ALL. THE. WAY. But really, I'd take even BM trained again...)<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">6</span>. One FULL WEEK, that's 7 continuous days, without any vomit. (Reflux counts as vomit in this!)<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">7</span>. Find, Create, Beg, or Borrow a device that will keep our wanderer connected to our side. 10' radius. No harm to said child, and no parent leashes. (Ok, this is a resolution for YOU, help me out here, ok?)<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">8. </span>Teach our daughter to eat One. Bite. At. A. Time. And chew. With her lips closed. (C'mon moms... can I hear an "AMEN!?")<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">9. </span>Housebreak a monkey. Train it to sit, stay, heel, and play. Then train it to find glasses. And wash them. And to find shoes. And put them away. Again. And again. And again. Then, teach it to climb higher than our kids can. So he can get away. (I think this may be the most realistic resolution on here...)<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">10. </span>Re-toilet-train our son (what? I've already said that? Well, This is the list that we dream BIG on for the next year, right?)Meredithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974293935380325338noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855066593161369056.post-89619688738818486022013-12-29T20:11:00.001-05:002014-01-10T15:03:49.149-05:003 Years Home!!<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Three Years Home! Can you believe it?? Today is three years since our plane landed first in Washington DC where Wesley and Aleksa officially became US Citizens when they went through immigration at the airport, and then our next plane lan</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; display: inline !important; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">ded in Orlando, where <a data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/user.php?id=1375155947&extragetparams=%7B%22directed_target_id%22%3A0%7D" href="https://www.facebook.com/michael.cornish.902" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">Michael</a>, our 6 children already home, and grandparents met us along with Chris (<a data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/user.php?id=100000935543510&extragetparams=%7B%22directed_target_id%22%3A0%7D" href="https://www.facebook.com/christine.harm.75" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">Christine Harm</a>)'s family for a wonderful homecoming! That is the only time we've had the whole family come for a child's entry in to our family, but it was well worth it and so fun! Especially since it was in the afternoon (not 2am like Micah and Emma's arrival!). We are so thankful as we look back and remember the special moments and 'landmark days'. Thankful for the path God led us on to each of our children, thankful for the family that was supportive of us in that, and thankful for great friends that helped to 'ease the burden' by going around the world with me to bring them home.<br /><br />As we go in to 2014, I remember New Year's Eve of 2010 with our two new children, when we celebrated Christmas as a family after our Skype Christmas on December 25th, Chris and I with Aleksa and Wesley in Ukraine, and Michael at home with Emma, Kristopher, Brianna, James, Micah, and Lynae. At the time, we were sad about missing Christmas together. Now, we are thankful for the special memories around that not-so-traditional Christmas in Ukraine!</span><br />
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