17 Nosy Questions about special needs adoption- ANSWERED (part 2)

ANSWERS TO PREVIOUS QUESTIONS: 

Part 1: http://cornishadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2014/01/17-nosy-questions-about-special-needs.html



6. Do you worry a child can’t be “turned around” if they have a difficult history before coming to you?

J: I am very much worried about that right now  

Amy: When we adopted a child with a significantly traumatic history and severe attachment issues, I realized that we couldn't "fix" her and she might never truly heal from her wounds. We realized all we had control of was how we loved her and not if she responded to that love. That is hard! I realized that loving unconditionally is so hard in reality (no matter how much you understand "why").

Jaclyn: I always worry about the future of all my children. My biggest concern is whether or not Adam will be able to function in a "normal" manner later in life. He literally has only half a brain because they left his hydro untreated. Either way, we love and adore him!!

Sara 1: I didn't with this adoption, but it is always a thought in my head when considering other adoptions. Mostly because I have to make sure that my children at home are safe, not because I'm not willing to parent a troubled child.

Shelley: EVERY adopting family should realize that there is always the possibility that you can't "fix" the child. If you are going into adopting with the idea that you are "fixing" or "saving" a child, I'd recommend you rethink things.

Meredith: I’ve experienced, as a sibling to adopted children, that love doesn’t cure history.  It’s not up to me to turn a child around, but to love them through it and to trust in God’s delight of His child.  I hope and pray my children will all learn to love the Lord and find healing in Him, however I am not naive enough to believe that I have the capability to change a person’s heart from the inside out except through Him.

7. How do you make the decision to adopt a child when you have vulnerable children at home? Have you ever been concerned about the child being unkind to or resenting the children with special needs?

Jaclyn: All of my children including my bio kids have special needs. We made the decision as a family.

Meredith: We have only adopted children with significant special needs, so our concern with them resenting another’s needs was never really a thought.  We do, however, have safe practices in our home because even though all of our adopted children have significant needs, they are not always safe left unattended with one another, either.  We have gates as physical boundaries at night and use other similar practices in the daytime when needed.

Erin: I cannot recommend hosting enough. We had 3 little kids at home. Our daughter who is also adopted has CP, so she is vulnerable on many levels to "older kids" in the home. We hosted a sibling group of older boys a total of 3 times (individually and together). We went into it as a short term mission to a child for the summer, expecting it to NOT work long term. Instead found that they got along well with our other children, our other kids LOVED them, and they didn't have any alarming/concerning negative behaviors. We also just had a peace about them while they were here and after much prayer and careful consideration, we adopted them. I have also seen other families host with intent to adopt and come to the realization during hosting that it will NOT work with the other kids in their home because of behaviors that become evident or the desires of the host child. Our boys got to experience our home and our rules several times and they asked us to adopt them. I think that has made our transition with them much easier than if we had just showed up at their orphanage. If we had not hosted, we would NEVER have considered adopting "older kids."

8. What do you do about the feelings you have because you can’t bring them ALL home?

Jaclyn: I knew going into it that I could likely only "save" one or two. I continue to advocate and encourage others to do the same.

Sara 1: It's a horrible feeling. For us we knew that one little boy HAD to get into a family and we came home and advocated for him. If no one had gone for him, we would have returned. Beyond that I know that I can't take them all of I would just have my own version of an orphanage, so I do what I can to help anyone else who wants to adopt, and I try to share as much as I can about adoption with as many people as I can. I also try to support my daughter's old orphanage however I can.

Meredith: I try to advocate for those left behind as well as the general care of orphans, but it is a burden that doesn’t go away.

Allison: I try to motivate other people to bring home children.

9. How do you get the feeling that that child is the “right” one?

Jaclyn: God...... It is the only answer I have. I prayed. He answered!!

Sara 1: How do you ever know anyone is the one, your best friend, your partner? It's a feeling you get, one of peace that says that this is a right option for you. And it's up to you to move forward with that or not.

Allison: The feeling of connection to a child/sibling group just wont go away. I pray about it and if it wont go away I know God is trying to tell me something.

Brittany: For us, it has always been the feeling of immediate excitement versus the feeling of trepidation. For each of our adopted children, I had an immediate sense of peace in my heart and excitement in our responses/conversations about the situation. For every situation we ultimately turned down, we are now able to look back and the first thoughts we had about the situation were somewhat unsettling. We, of course, have had fears, thoughts, questions etc each and every time we are presented with a situation, but when we have been the right family for that child, there is a sense of peace that comforts and quiets the mumbles and allows us to leap (with faith) forward.

10. Do you ever truly love your adopted children like you do your bio children?

J: Yes!

Jaclyn: Definitely! They are my kids. As my friend told me once..... does it matter if a package comes via UPS or Fed Ex?? God sent them to me as my children and I love them all.

Sara 1: Yes you can. But I think it's possible to love all of your children differently, biological and adopted.

Sara 2: Absolutely.

Lorraine: Yes. Having both biological and adopted children, I can honestly say there's no difference between the love. There's a special relationship with each child that looks different because each child IS different. I would bet that if people watched us interact with our children without noticing skin color, people wouldn't be able to tell which ones are biological and which ones are adopted because there's no difference in our love for them.

Gillian: Do you ever truly love your adopted children like you do your bio children? Bonding has been an issue for Evangeline and I but four years in I can say that I love her, and I don't see her differently than my other children. Do I still struggle? Yes? But it makes it a lot easier when there is love.

11. What was the biggest difference between kids from US foster care and kids from other countries as far as how they do in a family?   

Boston: Surprisingly, there were WAY more institutional begavour's in our foster adoption situation. She was essentially in a nursing facility and they cared for her, but she spent a lot of time in a pack and play.

Sarah 1: I don't think it's kids from overseas orphanages vs. kids from North American foster care. Children are all different, and they take in a deal with their life experiences in their own ways. A child who has been living in a MI may be better adjusted if they were well feed, and allowed to play, and talked to, and liked by staff and other residents then a child who has been severely neglected and or abused by a birth family and then placed in an abusive foster home (or even just a foster home ill equipped to meet the child's specific needs).

Amanda: Kids from orphanages in my opinion adapt MUCH easier to family life. . . Kids from foster care have been taught what a family is over and over and over, but every time it was a wrong view and they were again moved. This means that you have to try to get them to change their view. Whereas kids in an orphanage don't even have a view of family yet. It is MUCH easier in my opinion (after 8 from orphanages and 12 from US foster care) to teach them what a family is the first time, than it is to try to change their view of family from something negative to something positive.

Meredith: Our son from foster care adapted easier to our family than any of our other kids, except maybe our first son, who was much like an infant.  Our foster-adopt had a single loving adult in his life from 3 months to 3.5 years, then came to our home.  One of our children from an orphanage was unused to being held or touched and so sensory deprived that she had a difficult time adapting to life outside of her crib and would scream to be put back in her crib.  Another daughter was raised like a pack-animal and had no social boundaries, knowledge of appropriate interaction, manners, or knowledge of the many ‘ordinary’ things in life like waiting for food to cook or going to a grocery store.  It felt like we were training an animal at first, and she had such a long time of all of that, that we are still trying to get through some of that.

CONTINUED... http://cornishadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2014/01/17-nosy-questions-about-special-needs_8399.html

17 Nosy Questions about special needs adoption- ANSWERED (Part 3)

ANSWERS TO PREVIOUS QUESTIONS: 

Part 1: http://cornishadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2014/01/17-nosy-questions-about-special-needs.html

Part 2: http://cornishadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2014/01/17-nosy-questions-about-special-needs_13.html 12. Did you ever feel ‘stuck’ after you adopted, that you weren’t happy with the ‘end results’ of what your family became?

Jaclyn: Not yet. I feel overwhelmed at times as every mother does, but I felt the same way when I had 2 bio kids very close together.

Sara 1: I have NEVER felt stuck or unhappy with who my family has become. I have however felt disappointed with myself as a parent when I'm unable to met my daughter's needs in the way that she needs. It's something that I work on daily.

J: Never felt stuck with the first 3, fit in nicely even with lots of medical needs. But do I feel "stuck" at times now....yes, I spend every day praying for the confusion and guilt to fade.

Gillian: Yes, I've experienced this emotion several times since my child came home. The trick is to pray and breath through those times. I can't take a bad day as a bad life. We live day by day. There is always tomorrow.

Alysha: I think I feel more of a compassion for him then love. I don't feel like I love him and have bonded to him the way I did our Isaac in the first 8 months of being home. It really has been a hard adjustment to him. His needs can be time consuming, overwhelming, and his whooing's annoying. He never learned to interact with others . This has made bonding with him tough. He usually doesn't give any type of affection back. He just doesn't know how. We weren't expecting his needs to be as great as they are. I have faith it'll get better and I will feel bonded to him in the same way I do my other kids..but I guess it's just going to take more time. I don't regret him being home and wouldn't change it, but I do wish it was easier.

13. How do you keep a reasonable expectation of life-after-adoption when all you have to go off of is a photograph and a short write up about a child ahead of time?

Jaclyn: This question always gets me...... I did not get to chose what special needs my bio kids had and honestly I did not get to choose what special needs my adopted kids have either. God knows I do not like surprises, but he also knows I worry way too much if I know in advance, so he surprised me with my child being deaf and my other son being blind..... I always say I didn't choose them God chose them the same way he chose my bio kids!!!

Sara 1: I think that problem is if you have expectations based on a photo and a brief summary. You need to have zero expectations, and then move up from there as you get to know your child. Things as simple as basic manners, if the child has never been taught or expected to use them, you will have to teach them and remind them.

Meredith: I’ve felt from the beginning that God protected us in our first adoption.  We had this idealized view of what the two children would be like that we were planning to adopt, and though we met them both, we were unable to adopt one of them and we found someone else was coming to adopt the second.  We ended up bringing home two totally different children in every sense.  Our children we intended were somewhat independent, walking, and generally “healthy” children with special needs.  The children we brought home in the end were both like infants, neither walking or supporting their own head even, and both had some medical complexities.  After meeting the “photo children” we learned how much we had built an idea of personality from our own dreams.  We did bring home one of those photo children years later, and God prepared our hearts for her many additional needs in that first meeting. After that, it was easier for us to NOT set up false expectations for future adoptions, which is really what is necessary!!

Amanda: I don't have expectations really I don't guess. I just expect that they are kids who have no idea what to expect. They don't know what is happening and are afraid. I have to be on constant supervision until we learn more about them and also be constantly aware that they need constant reassurance while giving them plenty of space. Everything is a balancing act in the beginning. You have to learn from the child what they need and how to parent them best. Every child is different. You have to know that the write up is most likely wrong. You go into it with the knowledge that this is a special little person that God has made and you love for who they are. . . you just have to learn exactly who that is.

Brittany:  I've learned to have no expectations… :)

14. Do you wonder if your typical kids will resent that you adopted more children with special needs?

Boston: I think we view it as an opportunity for our children to realize concretely that the world doesn't revolve around them and that we take our faith seriously in that we are commanded to care for the orphan and the needy.

Jaclyn: All my kids have varying "special needs" (bio and adopted). I honestly do not think there is a such thing as "typical".

Sara 1: No I don't. This is the life that she has always known, and now she will continue to know it. These are her sisters, period. They are not her adopted sisters, they are not a charity that we are providing, they are our family.

Sara 2: We asked and the SW asked our other girls if they wanted to adopt the baby and keep her with us forever before we adopted. They had no idea that saying no was even an option before we asked them, but then they couldn't figure out why we would consider "getting rid of her". She was their sister from the first time they met her in the hospital.

J: Our younger bio accepts adoption as normal and assures me he will adopt in the future. My 16 year old resents it already. Not so much with the first 3 who are medically needy, he bonded with them but the last 2 he still asks us to disrupt due to intense behaviors and emotional needs.

Meredith: Our biological children may go through a season with something like this, but as things are right now, they ask about adopting again on a regular basis, and are very accepting of our children, friends’ children, and really even complete strangers’ kids with special needs.

15. If your child exhibits behavioral problems later on, would you regret the decision of having adopted them?

J: It would depend on if it negatively affected the rest of our children or damaged our family unit and how severely.

Amy: We have dealt with some very challenging behaviors and unexpected diagnosis. There were times I honestly questioned God why He allowed us to experience the painful stuff. In the midst of it, we truly knew adopting that child wasn't a mistake. Thisis one of the reasons it is vitally important for both a husband and wife to be in agreement about an adoption. Coercing a spouse to adopt and then running into issues could be disastrous, not just for the adoption, but the marriage!  you aren't guaranteed an outcome with biological kids either. Would you regret giving birth to a child if they made poor choices?

Jaclyn: Of course NOT! Every child has the potential to have behavior problem. While adopted kids may be prone to it, it does not mean it will happen.

Sara: Never. Partly because I don't believe in regret, but mostly because she is MY daughter. We were meant to be in each other's lives, good and/or bad. We are here to get through this together. It is my job to help her through any and all of that. Figure out the cause, find healing and coping strategies so that she can LIVE her life as best as she can.

Meredith: There are no promises.  Similar to the idea of whether a chlid’s past can be “undone”, you don’t know what will happen and have to trust God with it all.

16. Which kids are your real children and which did you adopt?  

Jaclyn: All of my kids are my real kids. My girls came to me as infants while my boys had to wait 6 whole years for me to find them.

Sara 1: Which are biological and which are adopted? Because all are real. But honestly, if it's not asked in a rude way I have no problem kindly correcting them in their wording.

Meredith: My hope would be that people would learn to ask instead, “are you comfortable telling me about how each of your kids joined your family?” All our kids are our real kids.  We do openly share about our children’s adoptions, however if our children had a different reaction to adoption, or if they had a different level of understanding of their past hurt, we might be more hesitant to approach this subject with a stranger.

17.  How would you handle things if a child decided they wanted to find their biological parent?  Would you feel jealous?  

Boston: My daughter sees her birth mother by Skype because she lives in Ukraine. I think birth parent involvement is very unique to. Each family situation. With one adopted child, we consider her mother family. With the other we would never allow contact.

Jaclyn: This question varies per child. Adam was wanted by his family. They wanted to keep him, but laws in their Country and lack of finances forced their hand. I hope to find them one day, so they can see how good he is doing. Matthias has siblings (a twin) and I will encourage him to look for them. As far as his parent go, we do not know about his dad and his mom abandoned him. I will still support him if he decides to look, but I also plan to be open and honest about the circumstances as well.

Sara 1: No, I wouldn't feel jealous. We are searching for more info at this time, so that we will have it if she ever wants it. It is not worth your time to worry about jealous feelings towards your child's bio parents. If you are going to adopt you MUST accept the fact that your child has biological parent, who are NOT you. And no matter who they are or what they've done they will hold a part of your child's heart (even if your child doesn't recognize that).

Sara 2: We do see her biological parents, and I provide them with regular updates and photos. I was worried about what our relationship would be like, but we were able to easily settle into a comfortable rhythm (which I am VERY thankful for!!!).

J: I WANT to find some of my kids birth parents though I have no idea how. I would love to tell them your/my child is loved, cherished and happy! They are OK! A few are in jail and I would probably discourage them from making contact as adults but I would respect their decision if they felt they needed/wanted to. HAVE MORE QUESTIONS?

Feel free to leave a comment, and as long as it is a honest and respectful question, it will be published and adoptive parents are welcome to pop in and answer it for you from their perspective. :)

The Special Needs Family's New Year's Resolutions

I'm sure that many families with members with special needs can relate: we don't make the same resolutions that most families do.  No, ours are just a little different. 

The Special Needs Family's Resolutions (aka: dreams...)

1. Re-toilet-train our son (third time's a charm?)

2.  Teach our son to sleep through the night (one can dream... but not while we're awake!)

3. Get son to eat some form of solids without vomiting (it will raise the food budget but cut down on the bleach and lysol!)

4. Find a combination of overnight diapering that will keep us from changing sheets in the morning (this is a health goal for the parents- to keep our backs from going out from crawling around on bunk beds daily!)

5. Re-toilet-train our son (Ok, he was only BM trained before, but this time, we're going ALL. THE. WAY.  But really, I'd take even BM trained again...)

6. One FULL WEEK, that's 7 continuous days, without any vomit.  (Reflux counts as vomit in this!)

7.  Find, Create, Beg, or Borrow a device that will keep our wanderer connected to our side.  10' radius.  No harm to said child, and no parent leashes.  (Ok, this is a resolution for YOU, help me out here, ok?)

8. Teach our daughter to eat One. Bite. At. A. Time.   And chew.  With her lips closed.  (C'mon moms... can I hear an "AMEN!?")

9. Housebreak a monkey.  Train it to sit, stay, heel, and play.  Then train it to find glasses.  And wash them.  And to find shoes.  And put them away.  Again.  And again. And again.  Then, teach it to climb higher than our kids can.  So he can get away.  (I think this may be the most realistic resolution on here...)

10. Re-toilet-train our son (what? I've already said that? Well, This is the list that we dream BIG on for the next year, right?)

3 Years Home!!

Three Years Home! Can you believe it?? Today is three years since our plane landed first in Washington DC where Wesley and Aleksa officially became US Citizens when they went through immigration at the airport, and then our next plane landed in Orlando, where Michael, our 6 children already home, and grandparents met us along with Chris (Christine Harm)'s family for a wonderful homecoming! That is the only time we've had the whole family come for a child's entry in to our family, but it was well worth it and so fun! Especially since it was in the afternoon (not 2am like Micah and Emma's arrival!). We are so thankful as we look back and remember the special moments and 'landmark days'. Thankful for the path God led us on to each of our children, thankful for the family that was supportive of us in that, and thankful for great friends that helped to 'ease the burden' by going around the world with me to bring them home.

As we go in to 2014, I remember New Year's Eve of 2010 with our two new children, when we celebrated Christmas as a family after our Skype Christmas on December 25th, Chris and I with Aleksa and Wesley in Ukraine, and Michael at home with Emma, Kristopher, Brianna, James, Micah, and Lynae. At the time, we were sad about missing Christmas together. Now, we are thankful for the special memories around that not-so-traditional Christmas in Ukraine!

Merry Christmas from The Cornish Family!

Uncomfortable Christians

The devil has a lie that he would like everyone to buy in to: “When you accept the forgiveness of Jesus Christ, life turns to sunshine and rainbows, and you’ll never have another problem.  Just call out “JESUS!” and the Lord will send angels down to lift you off your feet and take away all the uncertainty, stress, financial concerns, and all of life’s troubles.”

From this one lie, more people look at the lives of struggling Christians and determine that they are the ones lying, and Christianity is nothing like what they thought it was going to be.  Surely if life should be perfect as a Christian, then the one suffering through cancer treatments, or the one who lost a child, or the people going through financial heartbreak after a long job loss... surely they bought in to a LIE.

Oh, wait, that’s not what the Bible says?  How about “take up your cross and follow me…”  or “there is no greater love than this, that a man would lay down his life for another…”  But those sound so...Uncomfortable.

And there we have it, the idea that Biblical Christianity is not necessarily about happiness and the easy road.  If you’re not convinced, spend a few minutes in the book of Job and you’ll get a better idea of how life as a Follower of God isn’t meant to be without trials.

Wait!  There’s MORE!  

Look at some verses like Galatians 5:13- 13 (“You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.”) and James 1:27 (“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”).  John 13:12-14 tells us about not only serving one another, but taking the lowest position to treat others better than ourselves-- just as Jesus gave by His example (“When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.”)

The list goes on…

Matthew 23:11 (“The greatest among you will be your servant.”)

Matthew 20:26-28 (“Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”)

1 John 3:18 (“Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.”)

Romans 12:1 (“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.”)

I'm not trying to turn you off to the idea of Christianity, and to tell you that instead of sunshine and rainbows, it is really trials and tribulations, because that's really not it at all.  HOWEVER, if someone is looking at Christianity, they need to realize the Biblical worldview, not the lie that says that everything will be perfect.  By recognizing that life isn't perfect, we can also recognize that Christians are allowed to struggle, and it doesn't "disprove" their God.
The difference is... as a Christian, we have someone to call on during those trials, and we know that God will help us-- Not because we call out "JESUS!" and everything turns to beauty, but because we have faith in Jesus IN THE TRIALS.

But wait, this lifestyle that American Christians have bought in to is so different, still, from where we SHOULD be. It is by the EXAMPLE of Christians that the devil proliferates the lie of comfort.  It's because even committed Christians often buy in to the idea that "I can't do that, because it would be uncomfortable.  I can't go there because it would be uncomfortable.  I can't serve him because it would uncomfortable. I can't give that up because it would uncomfortable."  Not only that, but we project it on to our children as well, asking them to be the ones to hold the guilt for our resistance to God.  "I can't do that to my kids.  They deserve ______" Fill in the blank.  To have me home all the time, to get their favorite toys for Christmas, to have their own room, to have great vacations, to have me to themselves, to not endure any hardship, to live in a comfortable neighborhood, to attend a great school...  And we pass off our own displeasure with discomfort to our children.  Unfortunately, we also pass along the lie that says that CHRISTIANITY=COMFORT, and our children begin to buy in to it as well.  

How is it that we will use our freedom to humbly love, we will have pure and faultless religion as we look after orphans and widows, and we will act as the lowest servants to care for the every need of those around us?  Will we become the servant of others, and be a slave just as Jesus came to serve?  Do we love in actions, and offer our body as a living sacrifice of worship?  Do we need to lay down our comfort zones and begin living even in the “hard stuff” that God calls us to do because we call ourselves according to Jesus’ name as CHRISTians?

I truly believe that God is calling.  He is calling Christians to step up.  To serve.  To love.  To step out of our comfort zone and practice what Christianity started out as…  Not the satisfaction of an easy and uncomplicated life.

No, we are called to be UNCOMFORTABLE CHRISTIANS.  We are also called to bring our children up not to expect comfort and silver platters, but to respect the role of the servant, and to desire to serve with the same satisfaction in the uncomfortable as we are living examples of!

Happy Adoption Day, Aleksa! (And... her background story!)

On January 23, 2008 we met a tiny 5 yr old little girl called Sasha, who we planned to name Aleksa Faith, in a mental institution in Ukraine.  That day she truly became the daughter of our hearts, the one we had dreamed of for 5 months prior as we planned for her adoption.

On January 27, 2008, we said goodbye through unshed tears, as our hopes to bring her in to our family were shattered.  We felt buried in the deepest pit we have ever faced. Though she was alive, the loss felt like a death, or worse, a lifetime sentence for her.  There was nothing we could do to change it.  The institution director said that he didn't want to have an adoption from his institution, that she faced no discrimination in her sheltered environment, and that he didn't trust that anyone would truly DESIRE to parent a child with significant special needs.  He thought our motives impure.

--------------------------------------------------------

On September 17, 2010, while I sat in the Orlando airport waiting to fly to Ukraine on a week long mission trip, I received an email from a stranger named Alla: (edited excerpts follow)

Hello Meredith!

You do not know me, I do not know you.  But Jesus knows us both! My name is Alla.  I`m a Christian and live in Ukraine, in the city of Zhitomir, close to Kiev.  I have a ministry for orphans, they are about 1000.  We have 9 orphanages in Zhitomirskaya oblast where we tell kids and workers about Jesus.  In 2 orphanages we have Sunday School, and we are able to come each week.  If it's God`s will we want to start Sunday School in the next orphanage this year.  There are girls with mental problems there.  

Two of the orphanages there are children with Down syndrome.  We go there regularly, as the Lord provides the money for it.  We sing songs for the kids, do a puppet show, and our brothers preach the Gospel to workers and say to kids very simple things about God.  We have some saved workers there.  Praise the Lord!

 

At orphanages there are 2 workers for 35-40 kids.  It is very hard for them to care for these kids.  Many of the kids live like animals, eat, sleep and watch TV.  Nobody teaches them, plays with them, etc.They just sit on bench all day long.  Many of the kids can not speak, and they eat candy with the paper still on it.They wear dirty and worn out clothes.  They do not have any toys.

Many of these kids die having never seen their mom with nobody to hug them or kiss them like a child.  Many of them are very skinny because they can not eat.

...

I found Joy McClain on FaceBook. (**MEREDITH'S NOTE, from Nov 2013: please visit www.facebook.com/findscheri and share the info as the McClains try to locate their missing daughter! Back to the email:)   I liked her profile and what she said about her family. I sent her an invitation to be friends.  At this time I did not know she adopted kids with Down syndrome.  When I found it, I was in shock! I was interested in it.  How does she teach them and etc.  Need to be a Hero to do it!  Joy recommended I talk to you and said you also adopted kids with Down syndrome.  It is great!  Praise the Lord!  Joy gave me address your blog, and there I found your e-mail.

God bless you in your ministry, and give you the power, wisdom, love and everything you need to take care of these kids!

You are Hero! May God bless you!

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In the hour that followed that initial email, we exchanged several more emails... and her sentiment of Hero... quickly became MINE, to her.

(after an initial "hello" and some info about the ministry we were doing in Ukraine...)
Alla, It is surprising to me that you say Zhytomir region, because I have been there.  My husband and I tried to adopt a girl from the orphanage for older special needs children, she has Down syndrome.  Her name is Sasha and she lives in Pugachovka in Zhytomir.  We loved her and played with her 3 times but the director of the facility said people cannot want disabled children or love them or give them a home.  He said there must be other reasons we want her.  

You can see from our blog that the reason we wanted her is because she is loved by Jesus and He called us to love the orphans.  My daughter Brianna was born to me when I was 23 and she has Down syndrome.  After her birth we knew we were to take care of other disabled children also.

...
Do you know this orphanage for disabled girls in Pugachovka?  I would love to know if the child we had tried to adopt is still there and if she is ok, and would be interested to know if the director is still the same person or if it is different. 

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She returned my email with an excerpt that said this:
Yes, I know the orphanage in Pugachovka. It is one of the orphanages where we minister. It is surprising for me that you know this orphanage.  We have saying in Ukraine.  The earth is round.  It means, you can meet any person at any place of the world.

  Yes, I can tell you about the girl Sasha if you send me her picture.  We visited this orphanage some weeks ago.  I can tell you if she is there.  Maybe i saw her, but I do not know the names of all of the kids.  If you will send a picture, I can tell you.

I sent her a photo that I pulled off of my blog, saved to my phone, and forwarded to her.  Here is her reply:

I`m sorry but we did not see her this time.  All the children were outside.  I think this girl is in one building all time where most of the hard children are kept, or those that are sick.  We call this place isolation.  We could not come inside of this building.  Maybe she was there, but I can not tell you.  I attached a picture.  I`m not sure she is Sasha, but maybe you can recognize her.  You can see her from one side, she is in a green sweater.  We took this picture a year ago.  

YES, that is Sasha!

Alla met up with me at the Down Syndrome Conference in Kiev that week and I gave her the one small photo I'd brought with me and told her the story of Sasha, the story of Emma and Micah (who we adopted when we were denied Sasha's adoption), Lynae, who was just 1 year old, and James, whose adoption had been finalized just 2 weeks before the trip.  I shared with her God's transformation of our family, especially Emma's miracle of life saving surgery and complete HEALING after she was in such bad shape.

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Shortly after arriving home from that trip to Ukraine, on September 30th, Alla and her team had gone back to the institution, talked to the director, and he said to them "Tell them to come and we will talk."  She also sent us a photo of Aleksa taken that day.

At that point we hadn't even considered the idea that we would adopt her as well as Wesley (a 5 yr old boy with CP whose paperwork for adoption accompanied me on the mission trip and had already been submitted).  An 8 yr old from an institution was a much different 'game plan' than any we'd come up with on our own.  We had a whole lot of praying to do...

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Building on faith and little else, we looked at our paperwork and found that our homestudy, written in a way so that if James' adoption had not been finalized, there would be no question that our Ukraine adoption was still able to be finalized... approved us for two children.   Our application for immigration approval, though we were just at the borderline income for adopting one child internationally and our petition was for just one child... approved us for two children.  We called our social worker to ask for his guidance and his input and he told us to go and see what God had planned.

We also began fundraising because if we were to adopt Aleksa, it would cost an additional $15,000... money we didn't have.

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On October 15, 2010, our second dossier was finished being put together, the paperwork chase complete.  Our petition for Sasha-Aleksa began its flight overseas and arrived just one month after we first heard from Alla.

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Over $3,000 was raised so that IF we could adopt Aleksa, we would have the finances to do it. We secured a loan for the additional $12,000 that we would need and made plans to have it available on our return trip when we would pick up the children if we were able to have a successful court decision for Aleksa.

November 9th, less than a month later, we held Aleksa in our arms again, this time with the assurance from the director that he stood with us and would agree to her adoption!

God is the perfecter of our faith, and brings all things together for the good of those who are called by His purpose!

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On November 29th, Michael and I stood before the judge, 3 years ago today, and Sasha was named an orphan-no-more.  Aleksa Faith Cornish, DAUGHTER of Michael and Meredith Cornish, SISTER to 6 little ones waiting at home (and Wesley's adoption would be held 3 days later at a different Ukrainian court, making 8 children).

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Today is the 3rd anniversary of Aleksa's adoption day!

There was a waiting time before we could take her home with us, and in that time we completed Wesley's court, then we flew home for one week.  Chris Harm flew back to Ukraine with me to brave the snow and culture gap and help me bring two orphans-no-more in to our family, through a 24 hour day of air travel over the ocean.

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And finally... on December 17, 2010, exactly 3 months to the day after Alla's first email to me and our conversation while I sat in the Orlando airport, Chris and I took Aleksa by the hands and climbed in to the taxi with our adoption facilitator, Yana, and we drove down the dirt road from the mental institution.


We then spent Christmas 'stranded' in Ukraine because of one last signature we couldn't receive, and finally... on December 29, 2010, we brought our family of 10 together for the very first time.

Alla, Oksana, Aleksa, and Misha  Also known as "Bible Orphan Ministry" visiting with us on Christmas Day 2010

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Sometimes God spells out His promises to us and His plans for us so we can walk by them and know them ahead of time.  Sometimes He reveals His plans and purposes in such a way that there can be NO MISTAKING HIS HAND on our lives.

God's work did not end there, and in a financial sense, God met and provided for our every need, bringing together gifts, grants, and money that we scrimped and saved to be PAID IN FULL on our loan just 3 months after our return home.

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The last 3 years have brought trials of all kinds and many we never would have imagined "walking ourselves in to."  However, through Faith we know that God's plans are being worked out.  It won't always be easy, but being at the center of His will is ALWAYS where we want to be.

Happy Adoption Day, Aleksa.  You are our loved and cherished DAUGHTER, and we are thankful for God's work in our lives through you and your testimony, and God's work in your life through the transformation you have made in to the beautiful and sweet young lady you are becoming!

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Alla, Misha, and Oksana continue to minister to those we cannot reach from here.  Their ministry "Bible Orphan Ministry" reaches hundreds of orphans each month including many with special needs, as well as children about to age-out of the orphanage and begin life on their own.  They continue to minister in the institution that Aleksa lived in for over 3 years.  Please visit their blog and FaceBook page and follow along prayerfully with them as they faithfully bring God's Love to those with special needs and many more in Ukrainian orphanages and institutions.  If God leads you to donate, they do special projects throughout the year.  Currently they are raising funds to bring more helping hands in to a boys' institution (similar to Aleksa's institution for girls with mental disabilities).  The intent of my post is to share Aleksa's story and to celebrate her, however I would also like to highlight the priceless work of the Kingdom that this faithful group is doing. 

http://bibleorphanministry.blogspot.com
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Bible-Orphan-Ministry/174276439251104